10 Myths Surrounding Domestic Violence and Abuse

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and a large part of being aware includes facing and dispelling mistaken beliefs surrounding domestic abuse. Various myths perpetuate misunderstandings and lead to victim-blaming and misconceptions about this brutality, perpetuated primarily against women.

So we’re going to puncture 10 of these myths, using evidence-based information and statistics.

1. Myth: Domestic violence only happens in certain communities or demographics

• Fact: Domestic violence affects people across all races, cultures, genders, economic classes, and backgrounds. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 1 in 3 women globally have experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

2. Myth: If it were that bad, the victim would just leave

• Fact: Leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly difficult due to a range of factors, including fear, financial dependence, and concern for children. Research indicates that the most dangerous time for a victim is when they are trying to leave or have just left their abuser.

3. Myth: Domestic abuse is always physical

• Fact: While physical abuse is one form, emotional, verbal, economic, and sexual abuses are also forms of domestic violence. Psychological abuse can be as damaging, if not more so, than physical abuse. The tactics of coercive control are identical to those used to brainwash prisoners-of-war. And if trained soldiers are broken by these tactics, what chance do women in love have?

4. Myth: Alcohol, drugs, stress, or mental illness cause domestic violence

• Fact: While these factors can exacerbate the violence, they are not the root causes. Abuse is always a choice made by the perpetrator. Many people who have these conditions don’t abuse their partners.

5. Myth: Only women are victims of domestic violence

• Fact: While women constitute a significant proportion of victims, men can be victims too. According to the CDC, about 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.

6. Myth: It's a personal matter, and outsiders shouldn't get involved

• Fact: Domestic violence is a societal issue. Interventions by family, friends, and even strangers can save lives. Silence only perpetuates the cycle of violence. OJ Simpson got away with abusing Nicole Brown Simpson for years using this excuse. After Nicole repeatedly called the police on Simpson for abusing her, Simpson told arresting officers, “This is a family matter.”

7. Myth: Victims often provoke the violence

• Fact: This myth perpetuates victim-blaming. It somehow makes the victim powerful enough to emotionally control her abuser, when the truth of the matter is that no person can cause another to do anything. We all make our own decisions. The responsibility lies entirely with the abuser. No one deserves or asks to be abused.

8. Myth: If the victim doesn't speak out, it can't be that bad

• Fact: Many victims remain silent due to fear, shame, or the belief that they won't be believed. Silence should never be mistaken for acceptance.

9. Myth: Economic dependence is the only reason victims stay

• Fact: While financial constraints are a significant barrier for many victims, others might stay because of cultural or religious beliefs, love, hope for change, or fear of retaliation. Many victims are “love bombed” in the early stages of the relationship, falling in love, and mistakenly believing that the abuser will somehow return to the person they fell in love with – even after the abuse continues.

10. Myth: Children are better off with both parents, even if one is abusive

• Fact: Children who witness domestic violence are at a greater risk for anxiety, depression, and other psychological distress. Moreover, they're more likely to perpetuate the cycle of violence in their own adult relationships. Generational domestic abuse was rampant in my family, affecting not only our physical safety but causing emotional and mental damage; destroying our family relationships.

It's crucial to understand the truth about domestic violence and abuse to challenge the myths that cause victim blaming and apathy that surround this global epidemic of violence. We all need to support survivors of domestic violence and work towards a safer, more aware society.