The Power Dynamics of Workplace Bullying: Lessons from Korean War POWs and Domestic Abuse

A recent Forbes article on workplace bullying brought back memories. The manager at one of my last corporate jobs checked many of the boxes that Forbes notes about the bullying profile:

• Repetitive emails that give unnecessary direction

• Exclusion from work meetings or withholding communications vital to job performance

• Misrepresentation of employee performance or behavior

• Frequent requests for work below the employee competence level (trivial, time-consuming demands)

• Long-term assigning of tasks beyond the employee’s duties without compensation

But what many people don’t understand is that it never starts out that way. And it can happen to anyone.

During the interview process, my former manager was personable and charming. I felt lucky to be working for him. However, in just a few weeks, the bullying and abusive behavior commenced. And like many people, I put up with it because of the perceived ROI - I did the math: I needed the job.

We use a similar example in our book as a parallel that most people can understand to explain why victims of domestic abuse stay in a violent relationship: At some level, they can’t afford to leave. Some would advise the employee to quit for just find another job. But what if the economy is headed toward recession and lay-offs (resource actions) are widespread. Now imagine that you have a seriously ill family member dependent upon the medical benefits that your job provides. T

Then how much workplace bullying would you put with?

These dynamics are important to remember as we close out the end of Domestic Violence Awareness month. Awareness of the commonalities in both of these situations will help in understanding those trapped in these positions, and to break the cycle of victim shame.

And, these dynamics of power at home and in the office also parallel a surprising population: Korean War POWs. Here are six common characteristics:

1. The Cycle of Abuse

In domestic abuse situations, experts often refer to the "cycle of abuse" where periods of tension build-up, followed by an abusive incident, reconciliation, and calm before the cycle begins again. This cycle can be seen in workplace bullying as well, where periods of tension and emotional abuse are interspersed with short-lived periods of calm or apparent remorse from the perpetrator.

2. Breaking the Spirit of POWs

During the Korean War, some POWs were subjected to psychological torture designed to break their spirit. This process was designed to create a sense of hopelessness and total dependency on the captor. Similarly, workplace bullies may employ tactics designed to break down an individual's self-worth, ensuring that the victim feels trapped and helpless within the workplace environment.

3. Isolation

Both domestic abusers and the captors of Korean War POWs often used isolation as a tactic. In domestic abuse, victims may be isolated from friends and family. In POW camps, prisoners were often isolated from fellow inmates. In workplaces, bullies can use isolation to exclude victims from social events, meetings, or vital communication, exacerbating feelings of alienation.

4. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the abuser makes the victim question their reality or sanity. Domestic abusers and POW camp guards have used this to make victims doubt their own experiences. Similarly, workplace bullies may trivialize or dismiss the empolyee’s concerns, making them question their own perceptions.

5. Fear of Retaliation

Just as domestic abuse victims may fear further violence if they speak out or attempt to leave, and Korean War POWs feared punishments for defiance, employees subjected to workplace bullying may fear job loss, further isolation, or heightened abuse if they confront the bully or seek external help.

6. The Bystander Effect

In many abusive situations, bystanders may be aware of the abuse but choose not to intervene. This phenomenon has been observed in domestic abuse cases, POW camps, and workplaces. The reasons can range from fear of becoming the next target, disbelief, or even normalization of the abusive behavior. When I reported my manager’s behavior to HR during my exit interview, the representative said that “she knew,” yet nothing was ever done.

The parallels between workplace bullying, Korean War POW experiences, and domestic abuse illustrates the profound impact of power and control dynamics in various settings. Recognizing that these patterns exist in many scenarios is the first step in addressing and mitigating their harmful effects.

But it shouldn’t be the last.