What is a Restraining Order? Why You Would Need One and What to Expect
Finding yourself needing a restraining order is something that no one ever imagines. Yet, for too many women, this becomes a harsh reality when dealing with abuse, threats, or harassment. While restraining orders are meant to protect you, it’s important to also know that the process can be dangerous and emotionally draining. Here’s a breakdown of what a restraining order means, why it can be so risky for women, and why the law needs to change.
What is a Restraining Order?
A restraining order, also known as a protection order, is a legal document issued by a court to keep an abuser away from you. It sets boundaries like maintaining a certain distance, stopping all forms of contact, and sometimes even moving out of a shared home. These orders are supposed to provide you with safety and peace, allowing you to go about your life without constantly looking over your shoulder.
If you have restraining order and there’s an incident with the perpetrator, it lets law-enforcement know that this person is a known problem. There are two very important facts about restraining orders that you need to know:
Keep the document on you at all times, even a copy on your phone. If there’s an incident and you don’t have it on you, it will slow up the process for law enforcement.
Do not contact the person that you have the restraining order against. For one thing, contact with them can lead to dangerous and potentially deadly situations (which is why you went to court to get it in the first place. But the person can then take you back to court and use the encounter to argue that the restraining order is now unnecessary.
Types of Restraining Orders
People generally only consider one type of restraining order, but there are actually several types:
Emergency Protective Orders (EPOs): Issued quickly when you need immediate protection, usually lasting only a few days.
Temporary Restraining Orders (TROs): These provide protection for a few weeks, until a court hearing can determine if a longer-term order is needed.
Permanent Restraining Orders: If a judge finds enough evidence during a hearing, they can issue a permanent restraining order. These can last several years or even indefinitely.
Differences Across States
Some people are surprised that the specifics of getting a restraining order can vary significantly depending on where you live. Here are a some of the key differences:
Eligibility: Some states only allow restraining orders for cases of domestic violence, while others also cover stalking, harassment, and other types of abuse.
Duration: How long a restraining order lasts can differ. For example, a temporary order might last up to 30 days in one state but only 7 days in another.
Enforcement: Penalties for violating a restraining order can vary. Some states have strict penalties, like immediate arrest, while others might require another hearing.
Filing Process: The forms and paperwork you need, as well as any associated fees, can differ. Some states waive fees for domestic violence cases.
It’s important to look up the specific laws in your state or get advice from a legal expert to know exactly what protections are available to you.
But there are some basics to every restraining order. Here’s what you need to know about the basic steps of the process:
File the Petition: Go to your local courthouse or their website to get the forms you need. Some courthouses offer help with filling out the forms.
Temporary Orders: If you’re in immediate danger, ask for an emergency or temporary restraining order. This can give you immediate protection until your court hearing.
Gather Evidence: Collect any evidence that supports your case, like text messages, emails, photos of injuries, police reports, or witness statements.
Court Hearing: This is where you present your case to a judge. Make sure that you’re prepared, bring all your evidence, and if possible, get legal representation. If you can’t afford an attorney, check with legal aid resources in your area. They may be able to help you access legal assistance for free or at a reduced cost.
The Reality of Facing Your Abuser in Court
One of the most terrifying parts of getting a restraining order that many women don’t realize is the requirement to face your abuser in court. This can be emotionally draining and physically dangerous. Here are some of the reasons why it’s such a perilous requirement for women:
Emotional Trauma: Having to recount the abuse and be in the same room with the person who is threatening the victim can be incredibly traumatic. It forces them to relive their worst moments in a public setting with the abuser sitting there smirking.
Intimidation: Abusers often use intimidation to control their victims. Facing them in court gives them another chance to intimidate and manipulate you, making it even harder to present your case.
Safety Risks: There’s always the risk of retaliation. Even just going to and from the courthouse can be dangerous, because the abuser knows exactly where the victim will be.
Why the Law Needs to Change
Making victims physically face their abusers in court is outdated and dangerous. Here’s what’s wrong and why the law should change:
Protecting Victims: The main goal of a restraining order is to protect victims. Forcing them to face their abuser contradicts this and puts you at more risk.
Emotional Well-being: The victim already on emotional overload and completely stressed out. Making them confront their abuser increases the trauma and hinders recovery.
Alternative Methods: With today’s technology, there are other ways for victims to provide testimony without being in the same room as their abuser. Video testimony, written affidavits, or closed-circuit TV are all options that can protect the victim’s well-being while ensuring justice is served.
The Emotional Journey Isn’t Just a Legal Process
Getting a restraining order isn’t just a legal process; it’s an emotional journey. But if you understand up front what’s involved, it can help to reduce the overwhelm and to plan for your safety and that of your family. Here are some of the things you may experience and what you can do to prepare:
Fear and Anxiety: You might be scared of retaliation from your abuser.
Solution: Have a safety plan and let trusted people know about your situation.
Reliving the Trauma: Describing abuse in public is painful.
Solution: Know that you can bring your support system to the hearing. Bring your friends, family, or a counselor.
Seek Support: Reach out to local domestic violence shelters, hotlines, and support groups.
Solution: They know the process, and can offer resources, emotional support, and sometimes even legal advice.
Restraining orders are crucial for protecting women from abusers, but the process of getting one can be dangerous and emotionally challenging. But if you know what you may be faced with, it may be less overwhelming because you can make plans and seek support.
But at the end of the day, forcing victims to face their abusers in court is an outdated practice that puts them at more risk. It’s long past time for the law to evolve to better protect victims. By adopting alternative methods for testimony and offering more robust support systems, the legal process can prioritize the safety and dignity of abuse survivors. Your safety is paramount, and seeking a restraining order is a brave first step towards reclaiming your life.
The current system often fails to account for the trauma and fear experienced by victims. It has to change so that victims aren’t retraumatized when they present their cases, and don’t have to come face-to-face with their abusers when they are supposed to be protected from them. Technology advancements are available to provide alternatives that ensure justice is served while prioritizing the victim’s safety and emotional well-being.
It’s time for our legal system to reflect these technical advancements and the reality of the dangers faced by those seeking protection
