Why Am I Attracted to Narcissists? Your Childhood Could Hold a Clue
Do you find yourself constantly surrounded by narcissists? Not just with partners, but also with friends and acquaintances. Do you wonder why you seem to be a magnet for the self-absorbed? Keep in mind, that besides their selfishness, they all have one thing in common in your life: You. You’re attracted to them as much as they’re attracted to you. So, beyond the surface allure of the charisma and confidence of these Me-Me’s, there may be a deeper, psychological foundation to your attraction, one rooted in your childhood: Parentification.
A sneak peek into your childhood might unveil some startling truths about this. So, we’re diving into the phenomenon known as parentification – a process that disproportionately impacts girls – and how it can shape our relationships as adults. We know all about this, because we’ve been there.
Parentification: Undetected Childhood Burden
Have you ever felt that you were the parent in your household even when you were just a child? Perhaps you took care of your siblings, made dinner, or constantly worried about family finances. This is known as parentification: Where a child is forced to take on the emotional or practical roles typically reserved for an adult. While anyone can undoubtedly experience this, girls are often more prone to it due to societal norms and expectations. It’s easy for busy or overwhelmed parents to outsource family and household responsibilities to young girls. In essence, turning children into second mothers - little adults with all of the responsibility, but none of the authority – a setup that can be a basis for dysfunctional relationships later in life.
The Emotional Toll of Parentification on Girls
Girls, by societal design, are often taught to be nurturers and caregivers from a young age. Parentified girls grow up feeling the need to put everyone else's needs before their own. This can result in suppressed feelings, a lack of self-care, and even feelings of guilt when they prioritize themselves. Can you relate?
Making Connections: Parentification & Attraction to Narcissists
Here’s the intriguing part: when you're accustomed to putting others before yourself, it's not surprising that you’re accustomed constantly giving - Inadvertently attracting narcissistic personalities into your life. These people crave the undivided attention and unwavering support that you’ve been conditioned to give. They see in you a perfect match – someone who'll nurture their ego and needs, often at your own expense. Narcissists, with their desire for admiration and attention, can mimic the emotional demands you may have experienced in your childhood, making the dynamics familiar and, paradoxically, comforting
Breaking the Cycle: Steps to Reclaiming Yourself
It's not your fault if you've experienced parentification or if you find yourself drawing narcissists into your orbit. However, recognizing these patterns is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Here are a few suggestions:
Acknowledge Your Past: Accept and process the roles you had to play in your childhood. This may require therapy or counseling to help unravel deep-seated beliefs and feelings.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no. You deserve to prioritize your feelings, needs, and desires. It's okay to put yourself first.
Seek Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with people who value mutual respect and reciprocity. Relationships should be a two-way street.
Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic behaviors can help you spot red flags early on and protect your emotional wellbeing.
Getting Free
We know that seeing the truth of your past might be painful, but it's a journey worth taking. You’ve served others long enough. It’s your time now. We did this ourselves and It set us free. Remember, your childhood experiences shaped you, but they don’t have to define you. Embrace your strengths, set those boundaries, and stride forward into a life where you’re recognized and celebrated for the incredible person you are. Be free, stay strong and stay safe!
