Resources

Defensive Tools

Defensive tools don’t just protect you — they shift the power dynamic. Whether you’re walking to your car, traveling solo, or heading across campus, having the right tool on hand can change the outcome before it begins. It’s not about fear — it’s about readiness, confidence, and taking your safety into your own hands. Because every woman deserves to walk through the world with the safety of a queen.

Close Contact Tools

For when danger’s too close and you’ve got no time to play nice.

Distance Defense

Because space is your friend. Temporarily disable a predator, giving you time to get away.

Alert & Alarm Tools

For when you need to make noise. More of a supplemental alarm because it isn’t defensive. Double up for safety: Carry pepper spray/gel and an alarm.

Home & Travel Safety Tools

When you’re not on the street—but still want to stay street smart. Whether you’re in a hotel, an Airbnb, or just want peace of mind at home, these tools give you a defensive edge.

Books We Stand Behind

These books aren’t self-help fluff. They’re the real-deal, flashlight-in-the-dark companions with ah-ha moments that we wish we had earlier. Whether you’re healing from trauma, trying to get your brain back after gaslighting, or have been groomed by society to ignore your own instincts —these are for you.

Sharpen Your Safety Senses

Visual Intelligence

Harnessing the Power of Observation to Transform Your Professional Life, Enhance Communication Skills, and Discover Hidden Potential in Everyday Situations by Amy Herman

Attorney and art historian Amy Herman harnesses the power of art to illustrate how historical paintings can enhance your observational skills. She’s taught the experts: law enforcement, defense, and military experts how to see details that could be overlooked. We’ve learned a lot from her work and apply it to everyday situations. Pro tip: Watch her TED talk!

What We Wish We’d Known: Situational awareness isn’t paranoia. It’s strategy. Learn More

A Killer by Design

Murderers, Mindhunters, and My Quest to Decipher the Criminal Mind by Dr. Ann Wolbert Burgess

The real-life inspiration behind Mindhunter on Netflix. Nurse and behavioral scientist, Dr. Burgess is the mastermind that shaped the FBI’s famed Behavioral Science Unit (BSU) to understand and predict criminal behavior (aka predator profiling). The untold story of how one woman’s trauma-informed research and resilience helped recognize the patterns of violent offenders — and she did it all while raising four kids! Pro tip: Watch the Hulu mini-series on Dr. Burgess, Mastermind: To Think Like a Killer as well.

What We Wish We’d Known: Predators have patterns. You can learn to recognize them. Learn More

The Gift of Fear

Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin DeBecker

A staple in personal safety for decades, one of the top experts in the field makes the powerful case that your intuition will save your life if you learn to trust it. DeBecker teaches you how to spot the subtle warning signs of danger long before it strikes. Forget politeness — this is about survival.

What We Wish We’d Known: Trust your gut – because your intuition is your best defense. Learn More

Street Smart Safety for Women

Your Guide to Defensive Living by Joy Farrow & Laura Frombach

Yup. This is us. It’s the book we wish we had before life sucker-punched us. Written by a badass retired deputy sheriff and a survivor who’s done the work, it’s part tactical guide, part psychological decoder, and 100% done with victim-blaming B.S. If you want to stay sharp, not scared — start here.

What We Wish We’d Known: We couldn’t find this book, we wrote it. By women, for women. Learn More

Coercive Control, Abuse & Recovery

Why Does He Do That?

Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Another expert who advises victims to “Listen to your inner voices above all” (There seems to be a theme with these experts!). “Research indicates that a woman’s intuitive sense of whether her partner will be violent toward her is a substantially more accurate predictor of future violence than any other warning sign. If he is scaring her, she should take her intuitive sense seriously, even if she doesn’t believe that the frightening behavior is intentional” (P. 158).

What We Wish We’d Known: They don’t lose control—they use control. Learn More

Coercive Control

How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life by Evan Stark

Evan Stark and his wife, Dr. Anne Flitcraft, are credited with coining and popularizing the term "coercive control," recognizing that domestic abuse goes beyond physical violence and encompasses psychological and systemic domination. He describes the systemized oppression of victims, and emphasizes that the tactics of isolation, intimidation, manipulation, and micromanagement are aimed at achieving total domination over the victim's life.

What We Wish We’d Known: Like brainwashing, abusers systematically degrade their partner’s sense of self until escape feels impossible – without raising a hand. Learn More

Run Like Hell:

A Therapist’s Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds by Dr. Nadine Macaluso

A gripping memoir-meets-guidebook from the ex-wife of the real Wolf of Wall Street. “Dr. Nae” is a licensed therapist who lived the trauma herself—and then turned it into a blueprint for healing. She unpacks how high-conflict, high-intensity relationships form, why smart women stay, and how to run like hell when it’s time.

What We Wish We’d Known: Trauma bonding doesn’t mean that you’re stupid—it means your brain is doing its job. And it can be rewired to work for you, not your abuser. Learn More

No Visible Bruises

What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder

A brutal and necessary wake-up call. Snyder is a(nother) voice that exposes how domestic violence doesn’t come out of nowhere—it escalates in silence, behind closed doors, and under society’s radar. She connects the dots between intimate partner violence, systemic failure, and preventable murder.

What We Wish We’d Known: Abuse isn’t a moment. It’s a pattern of control—and it too often ends in death. If you wait for bruises, you’re already too late. Learn More

See What You Made Me Do

The Dangers of Domestic Abuse That We Ignore, Explain Away, or Refuse to See by Jess Hill

A fearless, investigative deep dive into domestic abuse, exploring how abusers operate, why systems fail, and how society enables the cycle. Hill examines control, manipulation, and the cultural blind spots that keep victims trapped—especially when “nice guys” are the perpetrators.

What We Wish We’d Known: Abuse isn’t just a private matter—it’s a social crisis. And the more we ignore it, the deadlier it becomes. Learn More

Trauma & Healing

The Body Keeps the Score

Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

This is the book that blew the lid off how trauma embeds itself in the body, not just the mind. Dr Van der Kolk draws from neuroscience, clinical work, and decades of research to explain why trauma survivors often feel disconnected, hypervigilant, or numb—and how healing requires more than just talk therapy. From EMDR to yoga to neurofeedback, he breaks down real ways to heal what traditional methods often miss. After decades of talk therapy, this book changed my life.

What We Wish We’d Known: You can’t just “think your way out” of trauma. Your body has to feel safe again before your mind can. Learn More

What My Bones Know

A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo

Beautiful and brutal memoir that blends cutting-edge trauma research with lived experience. Foo unpacks the realities of growing up with complex PTSD—and what it takes to heal when you’ve spent your whole life pretending you’re fine.

What We Wish We’d Known: You don’t have to collapse to be in crisis. And being “high-functioning” doesn’t mean you’re okay—it means you’re surviving the only way you know how. Learn More

Waking the Tiger

Healing Trauma by Dr. Peter Levine

“Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” A game changer for me, this book launched a revolution in trauma recovery by shifting the focus from reliving trauma to releasing it. Dr. Levine introduces Somatic Experiencing®—a body-first approach to healing that taps into your natural survival instincts. It’s about moving trauma through the body, not just talking it to death.

What We Wish We’d Known: You don’t have to keep retelling your trauma to heal it. Sometimes, the way out is through the body—not through the story. Learn More

The Choice

Embrace the Possible by Dr. Edith Eva Eger

Written by a Holocaust survivor turned trauma therapist, this memoir is a masterclass in reclaiming freedom—not just from your past, but from the prison of your own mind. Dr. Eger survived Auschwitz, became a clinical psychologist, and delivers hard-earned wisdom with grace, grit, and zero sugar-coating.

What We Wish We’d Known: Healing isn’t about forgetting. It’s about facing the pain, honoring the fight, and choosing to live free—again and again. Learn More

The Myth of Normal

Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté

This book flips the script on what we think “normal” looks like. Dr. Maté argues that trauma is everywhere—hidden behind high achievement, anxiety, addiction, illness—and that the modern world is structured to keep us sick. It’s part science, part soul work, and fully unapologetic about naming the real sources of suffering: disconnection, repression, and cultural gaslighting.

What We Wish We’d Known: Everyone on this earth has been traumatized to some degree. Learn More

Not That Bad

Dispatches From Rape Culture edited by Roxane Gay

Raw, unfiltered anthology of essays by survivors, writers, and cultural critics that dismantles the myth that only the worst stories matter. As Roxane Gay shows us without flinching, we refuse to let shame—or silence—win. Each voice in this collection says: your story counts, especially if you were told it didn’t.

What We Wish We’d Known: You don’t have to be raped or hospitalized for it to “count.” The culture of minimization silences women—and this anthology shreds that silence to pieces. Learn More

The Polyvagal Theory

Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation by Dr. Stephen Porges

The neuroscience behind why you freeze, fawn, or freak out—and why your body isn't betraying you, it's protecting you. Dr. Porges explains how your vagus nerve controls safety responses and how healing happens through nervous system regulation, not just positive thinking.

What We Wish We’d Known: You aren’t crazy, you're wired for survival. And yes, you can rewire it. Learn More

Psychopathy & Dangerous Relationships

Sandra L. Brown, MA is the founder of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology. She has changed the conversation around toxic relationships by naming what others wouldn’t: some partners don’t just hurt you—they target you. Through decades of research and clinical work, she’s mapped the behavioral blueprint of psychopathic and narcissistic personalities in romantic relationships. Her work reveals how charm, intensity, and “instant soulmate” energy are often the first signs of something far more dangerous.

Foundational Work – Inside The Mind of the Abuser

Don Hennessy has revolutionized our understanding of coercive control by reframing abusers not as impulsive or angry—but as methodical, strategic manipulators. His work is a masterclass in how abusers create a false reality, step-by-step, to entrap partners without ever lifting a hand. Hennessy shows us that coercive control is not about emotion—it’s about engineering dependency and confusion. His research maps the exact tactics used by abusers to dismantle autonomy, making the invisible visible.

What We Wish We’d Known:
Abusers don’t want you angry or scared—they want you doubtful, isolated, and rewired to serve their version of reality. But once you learn the pattern, you can name it—and that’s when the control starts to crack. This is what we want all women and victims to recognize.

When Systems Fail: Digital Abuse, Power & Pushing Back

Books that expose the gaps, challenge the silence, and show what happens when women refuse to play nice with broken institutions. From online harassment to campus cover-ups to social media exploitation—these authors speak truth to power and hand you the mic next.

Recovery, Healing & Support Networks

Disclaimer: This page contains affiliate links, including links to Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no additional cost to you and helps support the content on this site. We only recommend products that we trust and believe in.