Most people think they know what sexual assault looks like: A stranger blitz attacks. That’s it – that’s the scenario.

But the truth of the matter is that many survivors don’t experience it that way at all. Because for them, the most confusing part isn’t what happened at the end — it’s what happened at the beginning. A lot of survivors may not even recognize that they were sexually assaulted and may not report. Are you confused whether you were sexually assaulted or raped by someone you know?

Teens, especially, are at risk about whether or not they’ve been sexually assaulted. They often have no point of reference due to their inexperience. And tragically, they’re the most at risk. Recent FBI data indicates that the most common victim age range for domestic rape was 13 to 16 years old. Not only is this a national tragedy, in fact – crisis – but these teens will carry the effects of this trauma for the rest of their lives.

Not All Rape Begins the Same Way

Trauma researcher and FBI profiling pioneer Ann Burgess has spent decades studying sexual violence patterns, particularly how assaults happen and how survivors respond afterward. One of her most important — and least discussed — contributions is her identification of three broad categories of rape, based on how the assault begins and the offender’s motivation.

These categories matter because they explain why so many survivors struggle to name what happened to them. And why so many people misunderstand.

Burgess Identified THREE Categories of Rape

Burgess work with thousands of sexual assault and rape survivors and the framework that she developed helps us understand that there’s more to rape then a lot of people recognize. Instead, she saw patterns: assaults differ in how they start, how they escalate, and how survivors experience them. And she broke them into three categories.

1. Power Rape

Power rape is about domination and entitlement. The offender’s goal is to assert control, using force, threats, or intimidation. This is the version most people recognize because it aligns with cultural stories: physical resistance, fear, and obvious danger.

Survivors may freeze or comply — not because they consented, but because survival responses take over.

This category is the one that most people think of, and fits many people’s expectations. But there’s more.

2. Anger Rape

Anger rape is fueled by rage, hostility, or displaced resentment. The violence may be more overt or sudden, and the assault may feel explosive or chaotic. This is often a blitz attack.

Survivors often report intense fear and confusion because the aggression is disproportionate or unexpected. This category is less common in public discussion, but still easier for people to recognize as “real” assault. But the third category is where what a lot of people don’t recognize as an assault, attack or rape. It’s where our recognitions of rape breaks down.

3. Con Rape

Con rape — sometimes called confidence rape — begins with rapport. The offender establishes familiarity, trust, or emotional connection before abruptly using coercion, force, or threat. There may be conversation, flirting, shared time, or a sense of mutual interest beforehand.

But then the situation changes. And for survivors, especially younger one, this can be extremely confusing. Because the danger didn’t announce itself.

“I Didn’t Realize What Was Happening Until It Was Too Late”

Survivors of con rape may not realize what’s happening until it’s too late. That’s by design, and inexperienced young women are often targeted. They often say things like:

• “I didn’t think I was in danger.”
• “He seemed normal.”
• “I thought I could handle it.”
• “I didn’t realize what was happening until it already was.”

But that doesn’t mean they missed warning signs. It means the warning signs were deliberately disguised and obscured. Because con rape exploits everything we know about socialization, especially as women — politeness, trust, benefit of the doubt, and the pressure to be agreeable.

It also exploits the fact that many people (especially men) believe danger always looks obvious. But it doesn’t.

The Fawning Response: When Survival Looks Like Cooperation

When people talk about trauma responses, they usually mention fight, flight, or freeze. But there’s a fourth response that matters a lot here: fawning.

Fawning is a survival response where a person tries to stay safe by appeasing, placating, or maintaining connection with someone who feels threatening. It can look like smiling, agreeing, going along, or trying to keep the situation calm.

And this response is especially common when danger doesn’t arrive as violence — but as pressure.

In situations like con rape, where trust or rapport has already been established, fawning can kick in automatically. The body senses risk, but the brain reaches for the safest option it knows – don’t upset the person, don’t escalate, keep things manageable.

This isn’t consent. It’s survival.

Why Fawning Is So Often Misread

From the outside, fawning can look like cooperation.

From the inside, it feels like trying to get through the moment intact.

Survivors may later ask themselves:

• “Why was I being nice?”
• “Why didn’t I say no more forcefully?”
• “Why did I keep engaging?”

Because the nervous system was trying to prevent things from getting worse.

Especially for people socialized to be polite, accommodating, or conflict-avoidant — often women and girls — fawning can feel like the safest available option when force hasn’t yet appeared, but danger is rising.

Why Survivors Need to Know About Fawning as a Trauma Response

Understanding the fawning trauma response is often a relief for survivors of con rape, because it explains why they may have:

• continued conversation,
• tried to soothe the situation,
• avoided confrontation,
• or complied briefly to reduce risk.

These behaviors don’t negate the assault; they do explain how someone survived it. And they help dismantle one of the most painful myths survivors believe (and are often accused of): “I must have led them on.”

But you didn’t. Your nervous system was protecting you the best way it knew how.

Why Con Rape Is Often by Someone You Know

To outsiders, con rape can look confusing. You were talking to them; you were familiar with the person. And there may not have been any violence – at first. There wasn’t until there was. And this leads to the inevitable questions:

• “Why did she go with him?”
• “Why didn’t she leave earlier?”
• “Why didn’t she realize?”

But these questions don’t understand the tactic: The “con” is the point. The trust isn’t a mistake. It’s the weapon that the perp uses. This is especially important for survivors to understand, especially during Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

Why Survivors Blame Themselves — but Shouldn’t

Often called acquaintance rape, con rape doesn’t match the stranger-danger script, survivors often internalize the blame. They replay decisions. They question their instincts. They feel embarrassed or foolish for not seeing it coming. They often suffer for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) for the rest of their lives. They may never discuss it…with anyone.

But being deceived is not the same as being careless. And being manipulated is not the same as consenting. Survival responses — freezing, compliance, delayed realization — are not failures. They are adaptations to shock and betrayal.

Trauma After Sexual Assault – Especially by Someone You Know

Con rape is also strongly associated with delayed reporting and fragmented trauma responses. Survivors may need time to even name what happened — especially if it began with consent and ended in violation. This is one of the reasons that Ann Burgess developed rape trauma syndrome as a framework: because trauma doesn’t always register cleanly in real time.

Understanding Rape Trauma Syndrome

Con rape is strongly associated with delayed reporting and fragmented trauma responses. Survivors may need time to even name what happened — especially if it began with consent and ended in violation.

This is exactly why Ann Burgess developed the framework of Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS); because trauma doesn’t always register cleanly in real time. And understanding this pattern can help survivors recognize that their responses are normal, not broken.

Burgess identified two distinct phases that survivors typically move through:

Phase 1: Acute Crisis Phase (Days to Weeks After the Assault)

This immediate aftermath phase is characterized by disorganization and emotional upheaval. Survivors may experience:

• Shock, disbelief, or numbness
• Intense fear, anxiety, or panic
• Physical symptoms: nausea, headaches, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Emotional volatility — crying, anger, withdrawal, or appearing unusually calm

Some survivors express these reactions outwardly. But others might appear controlled or composed — which is often misread as “she’s fine” or even “nothing really happened.” But internal chaos and external calm can absolutely coexist.

Phase 2: Long-Term Reorganization Phase (Can Take Weeks, Months, or Years)

This is when survivors begin processing and integrating what happened. It isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a schedule. During this phase, survivors might:

• Reorganize their daily lives (changing routines, moving, avoiding certain places)
• Experience ongoing anxiety, depression, or PTSD symptoms
• Struggle with trust, intimacy, or relationships
• Have nightmares or intrusive thoughts
• Develop new fears or phobias related to the assault
• Re-experience acute symptoms during anniversaries or triggering events

For con rape survivors specifically, this phase often includes the painful work of understanding and reframing what happened. And again, recognizing that trust wasn’t a mistake, it’s a weaponized tactic that is used against them.

Why Understanding Rape Trauma Syndrome Is SO Important for Survivors

Understanding RTS helps survivors recognize that:

• Delayed reactions are normal
• Fragmented memories are normal
• Not “getting over it” quickly is normal
• Needing time to even name what happened is normal

And it helps support systems — medical professionals, law enforcement, therapists, friends — understand that trauma doesn’t perform on demand or follow a predictable timeline.

It often takes the brain and the body time to recover. And the understanding comes later, sometimes much later.

If You’re Reading This and Thinking, “That Was Me”

If this article feels uncomfortable, or familiar, know this:

You didn’t misunderstand.
You weren’t naïve.
You weren’t complicit.

You were targeted through trust. And that recognition alone can be a turning point — not to blame, but to understand that you weren’t at fault…in any way, shape or form. Realizing that doesn’t change what happened.

But it can change how survivors understand themselves. And how society interprets sexual assault and rape.

Resources

You don’t have to label what happened today. But whenever you’re ready, you deserve support.

U.S. Resources for Survivors Seeking Support

If this article connects to your own experience, you are not alone — and you don’t have to figure things out by yourself. Confidential support is available, even if you’re not ready to report or tell family or friends.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
The largest anti–sexual violence organization in the U.S.
• 24/7 confidential support
• Online chat available
• Can help connect you to local services
Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Offers education, recovery information, and survivor resources for individuals and communities.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
If trauma is affecting your mental health or you’re in emotional distress, call or text 988 for immediate support.

International Support Resources

If you’re outside the United States, confidential help is still available in many countries. These organizations can connect you with local crisis centers and survivor support services. If there is a resource that isn’t listed here, please feel free to let us know.

Rape Crisis Network Europe
Connects survivors across Europe with national rape crisis centers and support organizations.
Website: https://www.rcne.com

The Survivors Trust (United Kingdom & Ireland)
Provides access to specialist support services for survivors of rape, sexual violence, and abuse.
Website: https://thesurvivorstrust.org

Lifeline Australia
24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services.
Phone (Australia): 13 11 14
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au

Crisis Services Canada
Nationwide crisis support available by phone or text.
Call or text: 988 (Canada)