Teen Dating Violence—Do Parents and Educators See the Signs?

Written By Street Smart Safety For Women

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month reminds us of the reality that too many teens are experiencing abusive relationships, and most parents and teachers don’t recognize the warning signs.

When we think of dating violence, a lot of people picture adults trapped in abusive relationships—but the hard truth is, it starts far earlier.

💔 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience some form of dating abuse.
💔 Only 33% of those teens in abusive relationships ever tell anyone.
💔 Girls and young women (ages 16-24) experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence—nearly 3x the national average.

💔 43% of LBGTQ youth reported being victims of physical dating violence vs 29% of non-LGBTQ youth.

And yet…

🚨 81% of parents believe teen dating violence isn’t an issue—or don’t even know if it is.
🚨 82% of parents say they could recognize dating abuse, but 58% don’t know all the warning signs.

Could you recognize them?

Why Teen Dating Violence Goes Unnoticed

Unlike in movies, abusive relationships don’t always begin with physical violence. Instead, they often start with control disguised as love:

✅ “I just love you so much, I need to know where you are all the time.”
✅ “I worry about you! That friend of yours is a bad influence. You should stop hanging out with them.”
✅ “I get upset because I love you so much. If you really loved me, you’d understand.”

Control is the foundation of dating violence, and it’s why many teens don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until it escalates. They just don’t have the life experience, which is why they need help to recognize it.

Abusers don’t look like villains at first—they’re often charming, affectionate, and overly attentive. But over time, their “love” becomes control. Teens are particularly

🚩 Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence

If you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, here’s what to watch for:

What the abuser may do:

🔴 Extreme jealousy (constant texting, checking their location, monitoring social media)
🔴 Controlling behavior (deciding what they wear, where they go, who they talk to)
🔴 Explosive anger/mood swings
🔴 Isolating their partner (convincing them to cut off family or friends)
🔴 Verbal abuse (sarcasm, name-calling, gaslighting)
🔴 Blaming others for their own problems or bad behavior
🔴 Threats of harm (toward the victim or themselves)

What the victim may experience:

⚠️ Excessive texting or calls (to one specific number)
⚠️ Sudden stop in texting (the abuser may have given them a burner phone)
⚠️ Extreme personality changes (more than typical teen mood swings)
⚠️ Fear of making their partner angry
⚠️ Lack of friends or sudden withdrawal from social activities

🚨 Dating violence isn’t always physical—but controlling, emotional, and psychological abuse can be just as damaging.

How Parents & Teachers Can Help

1️⃣ Start the conversation early. Many teens don’t recognize abuse, so it’s critical to talk about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships before they start dating.

2️⃣ Create a safe space to talk. Teens may be afraid to open up if they fear punishment, shame, or being forced to break up. Let them know they can talk to you—without judgment.

3️⃣ Encourage peer awareness. Many teens confide in their friends first. Make sure they know how to help a friend safely.

4️⃣ Pay attention to subtle signs. A teen withdrawing from family and friends or constantly glued to their phone may need help.

5️⃣ Know where to get help. Schools, crisis centers, and hotlines offer support—but teens need to know they exist.

Dating violence is real—and it can happen to any teen, regardless of background, family, or personality. By learning the warning signs and having open conversations, we can help stop abuse before it escalates into lifelong patterns.

Know a parent, teacher, or mentor who could use this information? Share this. Start the conversation.

💜 Need Help? Here Are Resources for Teens & Parents:

📞 Love Is Respect (Teen Dating Abuse Hotline)

📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline

💻 RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)

📍 Find Local Support

  • School counselors, crisis centers, and Title IX coordinators can help.

🚨 If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Your Turn: Have You Seen These Signs?

Street Smart Safety For Women
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