The Key to Resistance: When Politics and Domestic Abuse Use the Same Playbook

In both politics and personal relationships, there is a tactic as insidious as it is effective: flood the system and the victim with so much chaos that they believe that resistance is futile. The goal is the same - whether it's an individual overwhelming the government with constant crises or a domestic abuser keeping their victim in a perpetual state of overwhelm, the goal is the same—control through exhaustion.

Flood the System: Gaslighting and Manipulation

In the political world, when leaders bombard the government with scandal, misinformation, and relentless upheaval, the opposition struggles to keep up. As reported in Rolling Stone, the sheer volume of executive orders that have been issued is designed to create a sense of fatigue, where even major infractions fail to provoke outrage because they’re just one in a long series of crises.

Domestic abusers use the same strategy. By creating a whirlwind of emotional manipulation—shifting blame, gaslighting (rewriting history) and manufacturing drama—they ensure that their victims are too overwhelmed to see clearly or take action on their own behalf. Gaslighting is used as a sledgehammer to make the victim doubt their own perceptions, just as political chaos can make the public question reality.

The Normalization of Dysfunction

Before you know it, what was once shocking becomes mundane. In politics, a leader who repeatedly disregards norms, bends laws, or spews conspiracy theories eventually desensitizes the public. In the beginning, people were outraged; now, they shrug, fatigued by the onslaught.

In abusive relationships, this is the ‘boiling frog’ effect. The victim doesn’t immediately recognize the danger because the abuse escalates so slowly. What starts as teasing jealousy turns into controlling behavior, then isolation, then outright violence. And by the time the victim realizes they’re in an abusive relationship, the dysfunction has become their new normal.

Creating Learned Helplessness

In government, when chaos is constant, opposition parties feel powerless. Each effort to counteract the chaos fails, and eventually, they give up. They stop pushing back, believing no amount of action will restore stability.

In domestic abuse, this is called learned helplessness. The victim, after experiencing repeated cycles of abuse and false hope, loses faith in change. They begin to believe there is no escape, so they stop resisting.

Turning the Opposition (or the Victim) Against Themselves

Another common tactic of both political manipulators and abusers is causing division among communities who should be allies.

In politics, when an administration creates so much chaos that opposition members start blaming each other for being ineffective, they lose sight of the actual problem. Instead of uniting against the chaos agent, they become fragmented and weak.

Abusers do the same. They use triangulation—pitting friends, family, and the victim’s own self-doubt against them. The victim becomes isolated, convinced that they can’t trust others, or even that they themselves are the problem.

Weaponizing Exhaustion

By constantly narratives, making erratic decisions, and manufacturing endless distractions, agents of political chaos keep everyone in reaction mode. Instead of focusing on strategy, any opposition is constantly playing defense, unable to plan a meaningful counterattack.

Abusers use unpredictability as a weapon, keeping their victims in a constant state of anxiety. A victim never knows what will set off the next outburst, so they expend all their energy trying to placate the perpetrator and trying to prevent the inevitable rather than planning their escape.

Fear and Retaliation

When political figures create chaos, they often retaliate against those who challenge them, instilling fear that silences dissent. Those who dare to speak out are attacked, discredited, or punished, a tactics to make others hesitate before taking a stand.

In domestic abuse, retaliation can be physical, emotional, or financial. From experience, victims fear what will happen if they try to leave or fight back. The abuser ensures that any act of resistance is met with swift and painful consequences (The next time, it will be worse).

Parallels of Power and Control

The similarities between political chaos and domestic abuse are striking because both operate on the same principles of coercive control. The goal is never just disruption—it’s domination through exhaustion. Whether in government or personal relationships, the key to resistance is recognizing these patterns for what they are.

Just as domestic abuse survivors can reclaim their power through awareness and support, society can push back against chaos by refusing to become numb, staying vigilant, and holding those responsible accountable.

Recognizing the playbook is the first step in stopping the cycle—both in politics and in life.