What is a Situationship? Signs of One and If It’s Toxic

What’s a situationship? It’s a gray relationship area somewhere in between "just talking" and "full-blown couple," accompanied by ambiguity, undefined expectations, and emotional blurring.  It’s a convenient netherworld between friendship and Relationship; it could be romantic (or not), is often emotional, and probably hasn’t been discussed. You’re both just there…and there hasn’t really been defined. Although convenient, the relationship ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and make it hard to recognize if it’s becoming toxic.

What Is a Situationship?

A situationship is defined as a romantic, and/or emotional, and/or sexual relationship that lacks the definition, structure or label of a committed partnership. Essentially, it's a relationship without the "official" title—you're more than friends, but you're not exactly in a committed, exclusive relationship either. It might feel like a relationship in many ways, but there's often an unspoken understanding (or lack of understanding) that it’s not “official.”

It happens for a lot of reasons. Maybe you sort of “fell into it.” Maybe neither person is ready to define the relationship, or perhaps one person wants something more casual while the other is looking for something more serious but avoids pushing for clarity. In a lot of cases, situationships are all about the excitement of uncertainty. But this lack of definition can lead to frustration, heartache or worse when boundaries, feelings, and expectations become murky.

Signs You’re in a Situationship

It can be tricky to differentiate between the early stages of dating and a situationship, especially since every romantic relationship starts out in a space that’s essentially undefined. But, if your relationship lacks direction and definition after some time, you may be in a situationship. Here are some telltale signs:

1. Ambiguous Conversations

If you've been dating someone for a while but still haven't had "the talk" about what you are, you could be in a situationship. Conversations about commitment may be sidestepped or deliberately avoided.

2. Lack of Commitment

The relationship exists without the formalities of commitment. There's no exclusivity, and you're both free to see other people. If one person expresses interest in deepening the relationship, the other might offer vague responses or change the subject entirely.

3. You're in a Holding Pattern

Situationships are often stagnant. There’s no clear progression toward a committed relationship, and discussions about the future are either avoided or met with hesitation. You’re essentially stuck in dating purgatory.

4. It’s Convenient

The relationship often revolves around convenience. You may only see each other when it’s convenient for one or both of you, without investing significant time or energy into building something deeper. Plans are often last minute, and there’s no consistent effort to integrate each other into your daily lives.

5. Emotional Distance

While you may share physical intimacy or go on dates, the emotional intimacy may lag. You might not be having meaningful conversations about feelings, goals, or personal lives. There's often an emotional wall or distance, signaling that the relationship isn’t as deep as it might appear.

6. Unclear Expectations

In a situationship, expectations are often vague. You’re not quite sure where you stand, and there’s no clear agreement on where the relationship is heading. This lack of clarity can cause anxiety and uncertainty.

When a Situationship Becomes Toxic

Situationships can be worthwhile for some people, especially if you’re both clear on your expectations and share the same level of commitment. But they can become toxic when communication breaks down, emotional needs aren't met, or one person begins to feel taken advantage of. Here are some signs that your situationship is turning toxic:

1. Emotional Manipulation

When one person in a situationship manipulates the other’s feelings to maintain control, things can quickly turn toxic. This could show up in guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing hot and cold to keep the other person emotionally invested without offering true commitment.

For example, a partner might show intense interest for a short time, only to pull back and act distant. This push-and-pull dynamic creates an emotional rollercoaster, leaving the other person constantly emotionally off balance and unsure of where they stand.

2. One-Sided Effort

A toxic situationship almost always involves one person putting in far more effort than the other. If you find yourself constantly initiating plans, conversations, or emotional discussions while your partner is content with being passive, you're likely in a one-sided relationship.

This imbalance can lead to resentment and emotional exhaustion, especially when the other person makes no effort to meet you halfway.

3. Lack of Respect for Boundaries

In a healthy relationship, both parties respect each other’s boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or sexual. However, in a toxic situationship, one person often disregards these boundaries, leaving the other feeling used, uncomfortable, or disrespected.

For example, someone may push for more intimacy than you're ready for, or ignore your emotional needs while pursuing only their own desires. The lack of clear communication and respect for boundaries can make the relationship feel unsafe or unbalanced.

4. Fear of Being Honest

Do you feel like you can’t be honest about your feelings, wants, or needs because you're afraid your partner might leave? This fear is a huge red flag that the situationship has become toxic. If you can’t express your emotions out of fear that the other person is going to pull away or become distant, you're suppressing your true self.

Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust and honest communication, not fear of abandonment or rejection.

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

In a situationship, jealousy can easily arise because of the undefined nature of the relationship. If you or your partner feel jealousy without the structure or commitment of exclusivity, it can lead to unhealthy possessiveness.

Toxic jealousy often manifests as an attempt to control the other person's actions, despite not being in a committed relationship. This creates tension, insecurity, and mistrust.

6. Emotional Dependency

While it’s natural to want emotional support from someone you’re seeing, relying too heavily on someone who isn’t committed to you can become toxic. In a toxic situationship, one person may develop an unhealthy emotional dependency on the other, causing feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and insecurity when they don’t get the attention or validation they crave.

Moving Forward

Once you recognize that you’re in a toxic situationship, it’s important to take action to protect your emotional well-being. Here are a few steps you can take to navigate your way out:

• Communicate Openly: The first step is to have an honest conversation about where the relationship is heading. Clarify your feelings and ask for clarity on theirs. If the other person is unwilling to define the relationship or respect your needs, it might be time to walk away.

• Set Boundaries: Decide what you're willing to accept and what you won't tolerate. If your boundaries aren’t being respected, this is a sign that the relationship is unhealthy.

• Focus on Yourself: Reclaim your emotional independence by focusing on your own goals, friendships, and self-care. This will help reduce any unhealthy emotional attachment and give you the strength to leave the situationship if necessary.

• Consider Ending the Situationship: If it becomes clear that the situationship is causing more harm than good, it might be best to end things. Walking away can be difficult, but staying in a toxic situation can be even more damaging in the long run.

• Be Persuasion-Proof: When ending the situationship, don’t be talked into staying. If you’ve already communicated where you’re at and asked for change or clarification and haven’t gotten it, it’s time to go. If they were going to change, they would have already done so. Don’t be manipulated, you deserve to get what you want.

Situationships are the grey area of dating, they’re exciting and uncertain. While they work for some people, they can also become toxic when your boundaries are crossed, your emotional needs aren't met, or if you’re feeling used or manipulated. If you're in a situationship that has turned toxic, don’t hesitate to reassess your situation and prioritize your own emotional well-being. A healthy relationship, whether defined or not, should always feel respectful, balanced, and supportive.

Recognizing Signs of Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation is a subtle yet powerful way that someone may use to try to control you. It can occur in all kinds of relationships, including romantic partnerships, friendships, and even family ties. By its very nature, manipulation means deceit, because if you knew what the manipulator really wanted, you wouldn’t go along with whatever they’re asking for (or demanding). Understanding the signs of emotional manipulation is critical, not only to keep yourself from getting scammed, but also to protect your own mental health and to have healthy relationships that don’t involve others trying to control you. Let’s look how you can guard against being emotionally manipulated and some well-known examples.

Emotional Manipulation

What is Emotional Manipulation?

Emotional manipulation involves a person lying or using deceptive or underhanded tactics to influence your feelings or actions for their own benefit. Keep in mind, that what they want will rarely benefit you. This behavior can manifest in a lot of ways, often leading you to doubt your perceptions and feelings.

Prevalence of Emotional Manipulation and Abuse

Emotional abuse is actually very common. A 2011 CDC survey revealed that 47.1% of women and 46.5% of men have experienced psychological aggression in a relationship. Furthermore, a 2013 study published in the National Library of Medicine indicated that emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, because it actually changes your brain and nervous system, contributing to low self-esteem and depression. Recognizing the signs of emotional manipulation and abuse is essential to protect your physical and mental health.

7 Signs of Emotional Manipulation

Here are some telltale signs that someone may be emotionally manipulating you:

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is the mind-twisting tactic where the manipulator makes you doubt your own reality. They may deny events or twist facts, leading you to question your memories and perceptions. They want to confuse you, trust their version of events instead of what you have actually seen and experienced. They want to make you feel as though you are losing your grip on reality. Our favorite phrase to describe gaslighting is, “Who are you going to believe, me or your own lying eyes?”

2. Using Guilt as a Weapon

Manipulators often try to guilt-trip you as a method of control. They’ll remind you of past mistakes or sacrifices they've made for you, trying to make you feel obligated. For example, a partner might say, "After everything I've done for you, how could you choose your friends over me?" This tactic is designed to shame you so that you prioritize their needs over your own.

3. Exploiting Insecurities

Emotional manipulators are ninjas at identifying and exploiting your insecurities. They may make backhanded compliments or bring up your flaws at strategic moments to undermine your self-esteem. For instance, they might say, "You look great today, but I liked your outfit better last week.” They want you to feel inadequate, (at least in their eyes.)

4. Passive Aggression

Instead of expressing their feelings directly, manipulators often resort to passive-aggressive behavior. This includes sarcasm, the silent treatment, or indirect comments (like the one in number 3 above) that leave you feeling unsure of yourself. They want to create an atmosphere of tension and uncertainty, making it difficult to address underlying issues openly.

5. Moving Goalposts

This tactic involves changing their expectations or demands to keep you off balance. For example, your partner may initially ask for one evening a week together, but once you comply, then they demand more time, leaving you feeling like you can never meet their standards.

6. Isolation from Support Networks

Manipulators often attempt to isolate you from friends and family to make you more dependent on them. They might criticize your loved ones or suggest that they don't have your best interests at heart. This isolation can exacerbate your feelings of loneliness and make it harder for you to seek help.

7. Creating Confusion

If you often leave conversations with the manipulator feeling bewildered or questioning your own feelings, this can be a sign of emotional manipulation. Manipulators thrive on creating this confusion, enabling them to control you by making you doubt your instincts and judgments.

The Psychological Impact of Emotional Manipulation

The effects of emotional manipulation can be profound and long-lasting. You might experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others. The constant second-guessing and self-doubt fostered by manipulation can lead to a cycle of emotional abuse that is hard to break. Emotional abuse may lead to PTSD or another stress disorder known as C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). Emotional abuse also affects your ability to form healthy relationships, even when you leave the abusive relationship. So the ability to recognize these patterns is essential for breaking free from toxic relationships.

How to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulation

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding what behaviors are acceptable. Communicate these boundaries assertively and be prepared to enforce them.

2. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut. Your feelings are valid, and if you sense manipulation, it’s worth exploring those feelings further.

3. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends or family members about your experiences. They can provide perspective and help you see patterns that you might be too close to recognize.

4. Educate Yourself: Understanding the tactics of emotional manipulation can empower you to identify them in your own life. Resources such as therapy or self-help books can be beneficial.

5. Consider Professional Help: If you find it challenging to navigate your feelings or relationships, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to cope and heal from emotional manipulation.

5 Famous Incidents of Emotional Manipulation

As mentioned earlier, these types of emotional abuse can occur in many types of relationships. Here are five well-known incidents of emotional manipulation:

1. Charles Manson and the Manson Family Cult

• Incident: Charles Manson was the leader of a cult known as the Manson Family in the 1960s. Manson manipulated and emotionally controlled his followers, convincing them to commit murders on his behalf.

• Tactics Used: Manson employed techniques like love bombing, isolation, and gaslighting to make his followers dependent on him, convincing them that they were part of a grand mission. He preyed on their vulnerabilities, creating a family-like environment where his word was law.

2. Narcissistic Abuse in the Case of Ted Bundy

• Incident: Ted Bundy, a notorious serial killer, was known for using charm and manipulation to win the trust of his victims. Even his long-term girlfriend, Elizabeth Kloepfer, remained emotionally manipulated by Bundy for years.

• Tactics Used: Bundy used a combination of charm, deception, and love bombing to manipulate people into trusting him. His girlfriend, Elizabeth, was emotionally manipulated into staying with him despite his erratic behavior, and he kept a facade of being a loving partner while hiding his dark side.

3. Anna Sorokin (a.k.a. Anna Delvey) – The Fake Heiress

• Incident: Anna Sorokin, under the alias Anna Delvey, manipulated New York City's social elite into believing she was a wealthy German heiress. She used emotional manipulation to build relationships and gain financial support.

• Tactics Used: Sorokin exploited people's trust and social ambitions, using flattery, deception, and gaslighting to convince friends and acquaintances to pay for extravagant trips and expenses. She played on the fear of missing out and the desire for status, manipulating people into paying for her lifestyle.

4. R. Kelly's Alleged Emotional Manipulation of Women

• Incident: R. Kelly, a famous musician, faced allegations of emotional manipulation, coercion, and abuse of young women. He allegedly isolated them from their families and exerted control over their lives.

• Tactics Used: Kelly is accused of using coercive control, which includes manipulating emotions to make the women dependent on him. He allegedly used isolation, controlling where they went, what they wore, and who they interacted with. Love bombing and gaslighting were also used to maintain control.

5. Enron Scandal

• Incident: Enron's corporate leadership, particularly executives like Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, emotionally manipulated employees and shareholders into believing that the company was financially stable, even as it was nearing collapse.

• Tactics Used: Through deceit and the illusion of success, Enron's leaders emotionally manipulated stakeholders by fostering a corporate culture where employees felt pressured to trust leadership without question. Executives gaslighted employees about the company’s true financial health while promoting loyalty and fear of career consequences for speaking out.

By recognizing the signs and understanding the tactics used by manipulators, you can protect yourself from manipulators and maintain healthier relationships. You deserve to prioritize your well-being and to seek support when you need it.

College Safety, Clery Act Compliance and Violations

The Clery Act is a landmark federal law designed to promote transparency around campus crime policy and statistics. It mandates that colleges and universities participating in federal financial aid programs disclose information about crime on and around their campuses.

Parents and prospective students can find Clery Act and safety information for a particular college several ways:

1. Campus Security and Fire Safety Reports (Clery Reports):
   Every college and university that participates in federal financial aid programs is required by law to publish an annual Campus Security and Fire Safety Report. This report includes statistics on campus crime, safety policies, and procedures. These reports are typically available on the institution’s website, often under sections titled "Campus Safety," "Security," or "Clery Act Compliance."

2. Department of Education's Campus Safety and Security Data Analysis Cutting Tool:
   The U.S. Department of Education offers an online tool where you can search for a specific college and view its Clery Act statistics. This tool provides detailed information on reported crimes, campus safety measures, and more. The tool can be accessed here.

3. College Navigator:
   Another resource provided by the U.S. Department of Education, College Navigator allows you to search for schools and includes a section on campus safety. While less detailed than the Clery Report, it still provides important statistics on campus crime.

4. School Websites:
   Many colleges have a dedicated section on their website for campus safety, where they publish their Clery Reports, safety programs, emergency procedures, and other relevant information. It’s often beneficial to contact the school’s campus safety office directly if you have specific questions or need additional details.

5. National Center for Education Statistics (NCES):
   The NCES site offers various tools and reports that can be useful in understanding the safety environment of a college campus. While it's not specifically focused on Clery Act compliance, it provides a broader context for evaluating campus safety.

Non-compliance with Clery Act regulations can result in significant fines from the U.S. Department of Education. Here are the top five colleges that have faced hefty fines for Clery Act violations.

1. Liberty University

Fine Amount: $14 million. In March 2024, Liberty University was fined a record-breaking $14 million for numerous violations of the Clery Act. The investigation, covering the years 2016 to 2023, revealed systemic issues, including discouraging crime reporting, inadequate responses to sexual violence, and failure to issue timely warnings about dangerous situations such as gas leaks. Liberty University also failed to maintain accurate crime logs and did not properly disclose required crime statistics.

2. Michigan State University

Fine Amount: $4.5 million. In 2019, Michigan State University was fined $4.5 million for its mishandling of sexual abuse allegations against former team doctor Larry Nassar. The university failed to report these incidents and did not comply with Clery Act requirements to disclose violent acts on campus. This case highlighted systemic failures in the university's compliance with federal mandates.

3. University of California, Berkeley

Fine Amount: $2.35 million. In 2020, UC Berkeley was fined $2.35 million for Clery Act violations, including the failure to report hate crimes and disclose security policies in multiple Annual Security Reports (ASRs). This fine was part of a broader enforcement action by the Department of Education to ensure compliance with campus safety regulations.

4. Pennsylvania State University

Fine Amount: $2.3975 million. Penn State was fined $2.3975 million in 2016 for failing to comply with the Clery Act. The violations were related to the university's inadequate handling of crime statistics and failure to provide timely warnings and emergency notifications. The fine was part of the aftermath of the Sandusky scandal, which brought significant scrutiny to the university's safety practices.

5. University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Fine Amount: $1.5 million. In 2020, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill was fined $1.5 million for Clery Act violations. The university was found to have insufficient administrative capability to oversee Clery Act reporting, which included failing to report hate crimes and not disclosing security policies in ASRs.

These fines illustrate the importance of investigating college safety measures as part of your due diligence process when considering future college plans. Clery Act information is released on October 1, reflecting the most recent statistics.

Narcissism and Negativity: When Complaining Is Manipulation

Do you know someone who is constantly complaining? They may be a narcissist trying to manipulate you. Narcissism is often associated with grandiosity, entitlement, and a desperate need for admiration. But, one of the things that many people don’t know about narcissism is its deep connection with negativity. Narcissists often wield complaining as a weapon, using it to manipulate those around them, redirect attention to themselves, and maintain control over their environment. This toxic connection between narcissism and negativity not only keeps the narcissist in the spotlight but also creates constant chaos in relationships and group dynamics.

When Negativity is Manipulation

Narcissism and Negativity

At the heart of narcissism lies an insatiable need for attention and validation. Narcissists are experts at making themselves the center of any conversation, and one of their most effective tools for doing so is through the relentless use of negativity. A common theme is that their experience of life, and in particular of their relationships, does not live up to their elevated standards and expectations. By complaining about real or imagined slights to those expectations, they create a narrative where they are the perpetual victim, deserving of sympathy and support.

This focus on negativity serves a number of purposes:

1. Victimhood is a Strategy: Narcissists often position themselves as victims of unfair treatment, whether by colleagues, friends, or life itself. This tactic not only gets them attention but also absolves them of responsibility for their own actions. By casting themselves as the wronged party, they deflect any criticism and shift the focus away from their own flaws and shortcomings.

2. Control through Chaos: Negativity creates a constant environment of tension and conflict, which narcissists manipulate to their advantage. By keeping others on edge, they maintain control over social dynamics, ensuring that everyone’s attention remains focused on them and their grievances.

3. Validation and Sympathy: Complaining serves as a constant call for validation. Narcissists crave affirmation, and by continuously highlighting their struggles or the injustices they face, they compel others to offer sympathy, thereby feeding their need for attention.

Narcissistic Negativity: The Real World

The link between narcissism and negativity isn’t just an idea; it can be observed in many high-profile cases. Some of the most notorious examples is found in the behavior of certain public figures whose personal and professional lives have been marred by controversy.

Take, for instance, the late Joan Crawford, whose tumultuous relationship with her children, especially her daughter Christina, became infamous after the publication of Christina’s memoir, Mommie Dearest. Crawford was a celebrated actress with a public persona of glamour and success and her daughter revealed her as a narcissist behind closed doors. According to Christina, her mother would often complain about the perceived ingratitude of her children and the unfairness of Hollywood, painting herself as a victim of circumstance. This constant negativity and complaining not only diverted attention away from her abusive behavior but also allowed her to maintain control over her children through guilt and fear.

Another example is former U.S. President Donald Trump, whose public persona has often been characterized by a combination of grandiosity and grievance. Throughout his presidency and even before and after, Trump frequently employs negativity and complaints as a tactic to shift the focus onto himself. Whether it’s through social media posts accusing the media of unfair treatment, or speeches highlighting how he is being wronged by political opponents, Trump consistently uses negativity to maintain his status as the focal point of national attention. His complaints, whether valid or not, often serve to distract from other issues and ensure that he remains in the spotlight.

Impact on Relationships

The use of negativity and complaining by narcissists has a profound impact on those around them. Relationships with narcissists are often marked by an imbalance where the narcissist’s needs and complaints dominate, leaving no room for the needs and feelings of others. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion and a breakdown in communication, as those close to the narcissist become worn down by the constant negativity.

In a workplace setting, a narcissistic leader who frequently complains about the incompetence of others or the unfairness of external conditions can create a toxic environment. Employees may feel demoralized and constantly on edge, fearing that they will become the next target of the narcissist’s complaints. This atmosphere of negativity can stifle creativity and collaboration, as people focus more on avoiding the narcissist’s wrath than on their work.

Social groups and communities are not immune to the effects of narcissistic negativity either. A narcissist within a social circle can turn gatherings into a stage for their complaints, making it difficult for others to enjoy positive interactions. The group’s energy becomes consumed by addressing the narcissist’s grievances, leading to a cycle of drama and tension that can fracture friendships and alliances.

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Negativity

Dealing with a narcissist’s constant complaining and negativity requires a combination of awareness and boundaries. Recognizing that the narcissist’s complaints are often a manipulative tactic rather than genuine concerns is the first step in breaking free from their influence. Establishing firm boundaries and refusing to engage in the narcissist’s negativity can help to disrupt the cycle and reduce their control over the situation.

For those in close relationships with narcissists, whether personal or professional, it may be necessary to seek support from a therapist or counselor. Understanding the dynamics at play and learning strategies to protect your own emotional well-being can be crucial in navigating these challenging relationships.

The Misogyny Crisis: 7 Strategic Actions to Combat VAWG

Misogyny is a global crisis, continuing to fuel Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) in both overt and subtle forms. And despite the growing awareness of gender-based violence, there remains a reluctance to address the root causes. This reluctance is evident in various ways, including the shocking fact that femicide is not even recognized as a distinct crime in the United States. A recent article from The Economic Times recently highlighted how entrenched misogyny perpetuates this violence, making it clear that more decisive action is needed.

Stop Misogyny Sign

Reluctance to Address Misogyny

Misogyny (hatred of women specifically because of their gender), while often acknowledged as a problem, is rarely treated with the urgency it demands. In most countries, there is a reluctance to confront misogynistic behaviors and attitudes because they are so deeply ingrained as to be normalized. This normalization means that actions and policies aimed at combating misogyny is met with resistance or indifference. For example, in the U.S., the lack of specific laws against femicide—despite the increasing rates of violence against women—reflects a broader societal failure to take the issue seriously. The reluctance to categorize femicide as a crime indicates a deep-seated disregard for the lives of women and the systemic violence they face.

Misogyny Fuels Violence

The link between misogyny and violence against women is well-documented. Misogyny creates an environment where women are devalued, objectified, and treated as less than human. This toxic mindset often leads to violence, as it justifies the mistreatment of women by framing them as deserving of abuse or as provocateurs of their own suffering. The Economic Times article underscores that misogyny is not just about individual acts of aggression but is also supported by societal structures and norms that perpetuate gender inequality.

Misogynoir: Increased Violence Against Black Women

Misogyny’s impact is compounded when intersecting with racism, a phenomenon known as misogynoir. Black women in the U.S. face even higher rates of violence than their white counterparts. According to recent statistics, Black women are murdered at a rate six times higher than that of white women. This alarming disparity reflects the additional layers of vulnerability that Black women face due to the intersection of race and gender-based discrimination. The reluctance to address these intersecting oppressions further perpetuates the cycle of violence, leaving Black women disproportionately affected and underserved by support systems.

Media’s Role in Perpetuating Misogyny

The media plays a significant role in perpetuating misogyny by continuously victim-blaming women, and portraying them in stereotypical and demeaning roles. These portrayals reinforce harmful gender norms and contribute to the normalization of violence against women. For example, studies have shown that media often blames women for the violence they experience, asking what they were wearing or why they were in a particular place, rather than focusing on the actions of the perpetrator. This victim-blaming culture not only silences women but also perpetuates the cycle of violence.

Systemic Barriers to Change

The reluctance to address misogyny is further compounded by systemic barriers that make it difficult to combat violence against women effectively. These barriers include inadequate legal protections, a lack of sensitivity among law enforcement, and judicial systems that often fail to hold perpetrators accountable. For instance, in many countries, including the U.S., the legal system places the burden of proof on rape victims rather than on the accused, making it challenging for survivors to seek justice. And the lack of specific laws against crimes like femicide means that many acts of violence against women go unpunished or are not prosecuted with the severity they deserve.

7 Strategic Actions to Address the Crisis

1. Comprehensive Education and Awareness: Addressing misogyny requires education at all levels of society. Programs that teach boys and young men about respect, consent, and gender equality can help change attitudes that contribute to violence. For example, the “Boys to Men” program in Australia has successfully reduced instances of violence against women by focusing on these issues. Comprehensive sex education that includes discussions on healthy relationships is also crucial.

2. Stronger Legal Protections: Legal reforms are essential to protect women and hold perpetrators accountable. The lack of laws against femicide in the U.S. is a glaring example of how the legal system fails to protect women. Countries like Spain, which has enacted specific gender violence laws with harsher penalties for offenders, provide a model for others to follow. Legal reforms should also include shifting the burden of proof in rape cases away from the victim and ensuring that all forms of gender-based violence are criminalized.

3. Support for Victims: Ensuring that victims of violence have access to comprehensive support services is crucial. Shelters, legal assistance, and counseling should be readily available and free of charge. The situation in the U.K., where shelters are overwhelmed, highlights the need for increased resources and support for women fleeing violence. Governments must prioritize funding for these services and ensure they are accessible to all women, regardless of their financial situation.

4. Law Enforcement Training: Law enforcement officers play a critical role in how cases of gender-based violence are handled. For example, recent incidents in Australia, where police failed to properly investigate cases of domestic violence, underscore the need for mandatory sensitivity training. This training should focus on treating victims with empathy, conducting thorough investigations, and understanding the dynamics of gender-based violence. Police officers should be held accountable for mishandling cases to ensure that victims receive the justice they deserve.

5. Media Accountability: The media has a responsibility to portray women in a positive light, to challenge harmful stereotypes and to highlight the issue. Some (too few) are rising to the occasion: The Guardian recently called for recognition of the crisis, noting the appalling statistics surrounding VAWG in the UK. But the rise of misogynistic content on social media, as highlighted by various studies, calls for stricter regulations and a shift towards content that promotes gender equality. Media outlets need to held accountable for perpetuating harmful narratives and should actively work to dismantle stereotypes that contribute to the normalization of violence against women.

6. Community Engagement: Grassroots movements and community-based initiatives play a vital role in combating misogyny and gender-based violence. In South Africa, community-led efforts have successfully mobilized people to stand against gender-based violence, showing that collective action can lead to significant change. Communities must be involved in creating safe spaces for women, providing bystander intervention training, and promoting gender equality through local initiatives.

7. Engaging Men as Allies: Men and boys must be involved in the fight against misogyny. Programs like the “HeForShe” campaign have been effective in encouraging men to challenge traditional notions of masculinity and to become allies in the movement for gender equality. Engaging men in discussions about misogyny and violence against women is crucial for creating lasting change. Men must be part of the solution, as they play a significant role in challenging and changing societal norms.

The reluctance to address misogyny, as evidenced by the lack of legal protections like (such as failing to prosecute femicide as a crime in the U.S.), reflects societal failure to prioritize the safety and well-being of women. And, as the Economic Times article highlights, addressing this crisis requires a multifaceted approach that includes education, legal reforms, support for victims, law enforcement training, media accountability, community engagement, and the active involvement of men as allies.

What is a Domestic Dispute? It’s Often Misleading

The term "domestic dispute" (aka domestic disturbance) is often used in the media, by law enforcement and by legal commentators to describe conflicts between intimate partners or family members. But this seemingly mild phrase can be dangerously misleading when it is applied to situations that are actually domestic violence. In many cases, what is labeled as a "domestic dispute" is a situation where violence is involved, and one person is exerting power and control over another through violence, intimidation, and coercion. Is it arguing or is it violence?

Couple Arguing

The Problem with "Domestic Dispute"

The phrase "domestic dispute" implies a two-sided argument or disagreement between equals—a situation where both parties are contributing to the conflict. However, domestic violence is not a mutual disagreement; it is a pattern of behavior in which one person controls and dominates another, through violence or coercion (also known as coercive control). By referring to these situations as "disputes," it trivializes the experiences of victims and obscures the true nature of the abuse.

This mischaracterization can have serious consequences. When domestic violence is framed as a dispute, law enforcement, legal professionals, and even friends and family may not take the situation as seriously as they should. This leads to inadequate responses, such as not pressing charges, failing to issue protective orders, and downplaying the need for intervention and support services.

Law Enforcement Response

Law enforcement refers to these incidents “domestic disturbances.” And when they respond to calls and categorize them as a "domestic disturbance" versus "domestic violence," there are significant differences in how they approach the situation and handle the call. These differences influence the level of police intervention, the type of response, and potential outcomes for those involved.

Domestic Dispute

A "domestic dispute" typically refers to a conflict or argument—but where there is no immediate or obvious evidence of physical violence or indication from the victim that it occurred. In these situations:

1. De-escalation Focus:

• Officers often approach domestic disputes with the primary goal of de-escalating the situation. They may attempt to mediate the conflict by talking to both parties, calming them down, and encouraging a resolution without the need for further legal action.

2. Assessment of Threat:

• The assessment of violence is key, and the officers must interview all parties involved during a domestic dispute call to determine the truth. What is the actual level of threat? If there is no apparent danger or signs of violence, officers may consider the situation less urgent and treat it as a low-priority issue.

3. Limited Legal Action:

• In many cases, unless there are signs that violence has occurred (an injured victim, broken furniture or a hole punched in the wall), that a crime has been committed or that one party is at risk of harm, officers might not take any legal action. They may leave the scene after ensuring that the situation has calmed down, without making any arrests or filing reports.

4. Documentation:

• Documentation may be minimal, with officers sometimes only making brief notes about the incident. This can lead to missed opportunities to identify patterns of abusive behavior if future calls involve the same individuals.

Domestic Violence

"Domestic violence," on the other hand, refers to situations where there is clear evidence or history of violence, threats of violence. When officers respond to a domestic violence call:

1. Safety and Protection Priority:

• The primary focus is on the safety of the victim(s) and the immediate protection from harm. Officers should assess the situation for ongoing danger, including looking for signs of physical injury, threats, or weapons.

2. Mandatory Arrest Policies:

• In many jurisdictions, there are mandatory or preferred arrest policies for domestic violence cases. If there is probable cause to believe that a crime has occurred, officers are often required to arrest the alleged perpetrator, even if the victim does not wish to press charges.

3. Thorough Investigation:

• A domestic violence call prompts a more thorough investigation. Officers are expected to gather evidence, take detailed statements from the victim, the alleged perpetrator, and any witnesses, and document the scene, including any injuries or property damage.

4. Victim Support:

• Law enforcement may provide the victim with information about their rights, resources such as domestic violence shelters, and legal options like restraining orders. They may also connect the victim with advocacy services or ensure they have a safe place to stay.

5. Detailed Reporting:

• Detailed reports are usually filed in domestic violence cases, which are then reviewed by prosecutors to determine if charges should be pursued. This documentation is crucial for building a case and for identifying patterns of abuse in recurring incidents.

Key Differences

• Perception of Severity: Domestic disputes are often seen as less severe, leading to a less proactive response, while domestic violence is treated with greater urgency due to the potential for serious harm.

• Response Protocols: The protocols for domestic violence involve more stringent procedures, including mandatory arrests, detailed investigations, and a focus on victim safety. In contrast, domestic disputes may not trigger these same protocols unless the situation escalates.

• Legal and Supportive Actions: Law enforcement is more likely to involve legal actions, such as arrests and protective orders, in domestic violence cases. They also tend to provide more support resources to victims of domestic violence than in domestic disputes.

Impact of These Differences

The distinction between how law enforcement treats domestic disputes versus domestic violence can have significant implications. If a situation is mistakenly categorized as a mere dispute rather than recognized as a pattern of domestic violence, the response may be inadequate, potentially leaving victims vulnerable to further harm.

Incidents Where "Domestic Dispute" Was Misused

One tragic example of the dangers of mislabeling domestic violence as a "domestic dispute" occurred in the case of Gabby Petito, a 22-year-old woman who was reported missing in 2021 while on a cross-country trip with her fiancé, Brian Laundrie. Prior to her disappearance, police in Moab, Utah, responded to a 911 call reporting a "domestic dispute" between Petito and Laundrie. The police body camera footage showed Petito visibly distressed, yet the incident was treated by responding officers as a "dispute" rather than an indicator of potential violence. Shortly thereafter, Petito was found dead, and Laundrie was named a person of interest in her murder. But subsequently, the media and legal commentators continued to use term “domestic dispute” despite the tragic facts of abuse coming to light. Gabby’s case highlights how the misuse of the term "domestic dispute" minimizes the danger to the victim and results in a failure to recognize and act on signs of domestic violence.

Another example is the case of Marissa Alexander, a Florida woman who was sentenced to 20 years in prison after firing a warning shot to fend off her abusive husband during what was described as a "domestic dispute" by media outlets and legal commentators. Despite clear evidence of her husband’s history of violence, the situation was constantly framed as a dispute rather than an act of self-defense against domestic violence. Alexander's case sparked national outrage and brought attention to the systemic issues that arise when domestic violence is not properly identified and addressed.

Statistics on Domestic Violence

Understanding the scope of domestic violence is crucial to recognizing why it should never be minimized as a mere "dispute." According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, or intimate partner stalking, with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), etc.

Additionally, domestic violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime in the United States. On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. This equates to more than 10 million women and men annually. But the stark reality is that domestic violence is not a rare occurrence, and it is far from being a simple "dispute."

Additionally, domestic violence is often progressive, escalating over time, becoming more frequent and severe. The NCADV reports that in 19% of domestic violence incidents involving a weapon, the likelihood of homicide increases by 500%. And when law enforcement and the judicial system fail to recognize the severity of domestic violence by labeling it as a "domestic dispute," they are not only putting the victim at greater risk but also potentially enabling the abuser to continue their harmful behavior.

The Legal Implications of Mislabeling Domestic Violence

The language used in legal contexts can significantly impact the outcomes of domestic violence cases. When a situation is described as a "domestic dispute," it may influence how law enforcement officers, judges, and juries perceive the incident. This can lead to a range of negative consequences, including:

• Underreporting: Victims may be less likely to report abuse if they believe their situation will be dismissed as a mere dispute.

• Inadequate Protection: Victims may not receive the necessary legal protections, such as restraining orders, if the situation is not recognized as domestic violence.

• Lenient Sentencing: Perpetrators may receive lighter sentences if the violence is downplayed as a dispute rather than being recognized as part of a pattern of abusive behavior.

In some cases, the mislabeling of domestic violence as a dispute has led to fatal consequences. According to the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ): “In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.” These women might have been better protected if the initial incidents had been recognized and addressed as acts of domestic violence rather than disputes.

Role of Media and Public Perception

The media plays a crucial role in shaping public perception of domestic violence. Unfortunately, many media outlets still use the term "domestic dispute" in their reporting, which can contribute to the minimization of the issue. For example, headlines that read "Police Respond to Domestic Dispute" fail to convey the gravity of the situation and can lead readers to believe that the incident was less serious than it actually was.

Additionally, the media’s portrayal of domestic violence often focuses on the most extreme cases, such as homicides, rather than the everyday realities of abuse that victims face. This creates a skewed perception of domestic violence, leading the public to believe that it is only a problem when it results in severe physical harm or death. In reality, domestic violence includes a wide range of abusive behaviors, including emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, and financial control, all of which can have devastating effects on victims.

Changing the Narrative

To effectively combat domestic violence, it is essential to change the way we talk about it. This starts with rejecting the term "domestic dispute" and instead using language that accurately reflects the nature of the situation. When reporting on or discussing incidents of domestic violence, it is important to:

• Use Precise Language: Describe the incident as domestic violence, intimate partner violence, or abuse, depending on the specifics of the situation. Avoid using terms like "dispute" or "altercation," which can downplay the seriousness of the violence.

• Acknowledge the Power Dynamics: Recognize that domestic violence involves a power imbalance, where one person seeks to control and dominate another. This is not a mutual disagreement but a pattern of coercive behavior.

• Highlight the Impact on Victims: Emphasize the physical, emotional, and psychological harm that domestic violence inflicts on victims. This includes not only the immediate effects of the abuse but also the long-term trauma that many survivors experience.

• Challenge Media Narratives: Advocate for responsible reporting that accurately reflects the severity of domestic violence. This includes holding media outlets accountable for using misleading language and encouraging them to provide comprehensive coverage of the issue.

It is time to retire the term "domestic dispute" and replace it with language that reflects the seriousness and complexity of domestic violence. Only when we recognize the truth of the power and control dynamics involved in domestic violence and abuse can we begin to change the narrative and create a society that truly values the safety and dignity of all individuals.

Which Safety App for College Students? Comparing 3 Apps

Heading off to college is super exciting, but it can also be a little nerve-wracking—especially when it comes to staying safe in a new environment. Luckily, there are some pretty cool safety apps out there that can give you and your family some peace of mind. Three of the top ones are "I'm Safe," "Noonlight," and "bSafe." Let’s break down what each one offers and figure out which one might be the best fit for you as you start your new chapter.

"I'm Safe": Simple, No-Frills, and Free

If you’re looking for something super straightforward and, best of all, free, "I'm Safe" is a solid choice. It’s all about the basics—keeping your trusted contacts in the loop and making a recording/photo if anything feels off.

What It Does:

• Panic Button: If you’re in a sticky situation, you can hit the panic button to alert your friends or family, along with your location.

• Check-Ins: You can set up check-ins at certain times. If you don’t respond, it’ll alert your contacts.

• Location Sharing: Share your location in real-time with the people you trust, so they always know where you are.

• Fake Call: You can initiate a fake call to get out of a potentially bad situation.

• Records Audio and Photo: Records audio and takes a forward/rear view when SOS button is pushed.

Bottom Line: If you want a no-hassle, free option to keep your loved ones updated and record potentially dangerous situations, "I'm Safe" is perfect. It’s a great way to stay connected without adding any extra stress to your budget.

Safety App Comparison

"Noonlight": More Features, More Protection

Noonlight is like the next level up when it comes to safety apps. It offers both free and paid versions, depending on how much protection you want. This app can even connect you with emergency services, which is a big plus.

Free vs. Paid Versions:

• Free Version: You get the basics—a panic button and location sharing with your emergency contacts.

• Paid Version: This is where it gets fancy:

• 24/7 Monitoring: Professional dispatchers are on standby to help if you need it, even if you can’t call for help yourself.

• Smart Device Integration: Got smart home devices? Noonlight can connect with them to automatically alert you to emergencies.

• In-App Messaging: You can chat directly with dispatchers in real-time, which can speed up getting help.

Bottom Line: The free version is solid, but if you’re in a situation where you want extra protection—like professional monitoring or smart device integration—the paid version is worth considering.

"bSafe": Most Features and Technology

bSafe is for those who want to take advantage of the latest technology to stay safe, offering Voice Activation if you happen to be away from your phone and Live Streaming to contacts during emergencies

What It Does:

• SOS Button: Hit this, and your contacts get your location and a video/audio recording of what’s going on.

• Voice Activation: You can trigger an SOS alert with a voice command—even if your phone isn’t in your hand.

• Follow Me: Your friends can follow your movements in real-time, and you can alert them if something feels off.

• Fake Call: Schedule a fake call to get out of awkward or potentially dangerous situations.

• Live Streaming: Audio and video automatically start recording when the SOS button is activated, and your guardians can see and hear in real time.

Bottom Line: If you’re into tech and want some extra security features, bSafe is a great option. Handy features like voice activation and live streaming are super handy for staying safe in tricky situations.

Which App Should You Pick?

Here’s the rundown:

• Go with "I'm Safe" if you want a free, easy-to-use app that covers the basics. Perfect for staying connected with your friends or family without any extra cost.

• Go with Noonlight if you’re looking for a more robust safety net. The free version is great, but the paid version adds professional monitoring and smart device integration, which could be a lifesaver.

• Go with bSafe if you’re into tech and want features that make staying safe easier and more intuitive. This app is packed with cool tools that can help you in a pinch.

So whether you’re looking for something simple or a full-on safety system, there’s an app out there that’s got your back.

Dark Side of Greek Life: Sexual Assault

Greek life is an institution on many campuses. And it’s a significant aspect of American university life for many students; fraternities and sororities offer opportunities for support, leadership, and a lifelong community. And for many, it’s a huge part of their college experience. But under the surface of this seemingly beneficial institution is a dark truth: Greek life is also associated with an increased risk of sexual assaults. Of course, this involves a minority of members, but it’s significant enough to raise concerns and to be addressed – something that fraternities, sororities and even universities themselves have shown little appetite for, despite the ruined lives of victims and predators that remain free to continue their attacks.

Greek Life and Sexual Assault: The Stark Reality

The correlation between Greek life and sexual assault is not just anecdotal—it’s supported by a growing body of research. Studies have shown that men involved in fraternities are three times more likely to commit rape than their non-Greek counterparts​. Another study published by the National Library of Medicine found that sorority women are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted during their college years compared to women not involved in Greek life (29% vs. 7%)​ The study notes, “The difference between Greek and non-Greek women remained large even when controls were included for alcohol consumption and attendance at Greek parties where alcohol is served.” A report prepared for the Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs at The University of Illinois indicates that the majority (66.2%) of sexual assaults occurred off-campus, “most frequently in bars and fraternity houses.” These statistics are alarming, especially when considering that nearly one in four college women experience sexual assault during their time at university.

Several factors inherent to Greek life contribute to this elevated risk. The culture within many fraternities and sororities often promotes excessive alcohol consumption, which can impair judgment and increase vulnerability to sexual assault. Sororities, many of whom are governed by the National Panhellenic Council, outdatedly mandate that members are prohibited from holding events with alcohol or allow alcohol in their sorority houses – enabling fraternities to control the party, and host speakeasies for underage drinking. What could go wrong? Here’s an indication: Students involved in Greek life face higher levels of sexual assault than those who aren’t.

Finally, the hypermasculine environment fostered in some fraternities perpetuates harmful gender norms and aggressive behaviors towards women, creating a breeding ground for sexual misconduct​ and rape culture.

Alumni Donations: Financial Incentives

One of the primary reasons universities are hesitant to address the link between Greek life and sexual assault is financial. Greek organizations are often significant sources of alumni donations, a vital stream of revenue for many institutions. Alumni who were members of fraternities or sororities during their college years tend to remain to be lifetime-loyal to their organizations, frequently contributing to their alma maters. Universities may fear that taking a strong stance against Greek life could alienate these donors and lead to a decrease in financial support.

Also, Greek life attracts students who are willing and able to pay higher tuition fees, further contributing to the institution’s revenue stream. The financial implications of cracking down on Greek organizations could be substantial, making universities reluctant to implement policies that could diminish the appeal of these groups or, in extreme cases, lead to their dissolution.

Cultural Legacy of Greek Life

Greek life is more than just a social institution—it is a cultural legacy. Many fraternities and sororities have been a part of their respective universities for over a century, with their histories intertwined with the schools’ identities. For many alumni and current students, Greek life represents a multi-generational tradition, and a rite of passage that defines their college experience. Challenging this tradition by addressing the negative aspects of Greek life, such as its contribution to sexual assault, can provoke significant backlash from both the campus community and alumni​.

This cultural attachment, in addition to financial ramifications) makes it difficult for universities themselves to confront the darker aspects of Greek life. The fear of disrupting a long-standing tradition that is deeply ingrained in the university’s identity can lead to the tendency to turn a blind eye and to ignore the root causes of the problem.

Protecting the University’s Image

Another major factor in universities' reluctance to address the issue is the potential damage to their reputations. Acknowledging the link between Greek life and sexual assault could harm the institution’s public image, deterring prospective students and affecting college rankings. In a competitive educational landscape, where reputation is closely tied to enrollment and financial stability, universities are often more concerned with maintaining a positive image than tackling the uncomfortable realities of campus life.

This focus on reputation leads to a tendency to downplay or obscure the connection between Greek life and sexual violence. Universities are inclined to handle incidents quietly, without drawing public attention, to avoid negative press. This approach, however, doesn’t address the systemic issues within Greek life that contribute to the prevalence of sexual assault on victims.

Lack of Accountability: Structural Challenges

Holding Greek organizations accountable for their members' actions is difficult. Most fraternities and sororities operate as semi-independent organizations with their own governance structures, making it difficult for universities to enforce rules and regulations. This lack of clear oversight can lead to a culture of impunity for the perpetrators of sexual assault, because they’re aware that they face few, if any, consequences for their actions​.

The structural challenges of regulating Greek life are further compounded by the fact that universities may fear legal repercussions from both individuals and Greek organizations themselves. Fraternities and sororities are often well-resourced and capable of mounting legal challenges to university policies, which can be costly and time-consuming for institutions to defend against.

Recent Incidents

The connection between Greek life and sexual assault isn’t just theoretical nor something that occurred in the past—it continues to recur. For example, in 2023, a fraternity at a major university faced allegations of hazing that included sexual assault, highlighting the ongoing issues within these organizations​. Despite media attention, the university’s response was criticized as being too lenient, with many students and activists calling for stronger actions against the fraternity involved.

In another case, a sorority member reported being assaulted at a fraternity party, only to face significant backlash from her peers when she tried to bring attention to the incident. The university’s administration dragged their feet, further demonstrating reluctance to confront these issues head-on.

What Needs to Change

Addressing the role of Greek life in campus sexual assaults requires a multipronged approach.

·       Universities must be willing to prioritize student safety. Period. This includes implementing stricter accountability measures for Greek organizations, such as mandatory reporting of all incidents of sexual misconduct, hazing regulation, regular reviews of fraternity and sorority practices, and clear consequences for violations of university policies.

·       Cultural change within Greek life is essential. Sororities need to recognize that young adults are going to drink and to update their policies to reflect the 21st century. Young “ladies” don’t need to be “protected” by a “dry” environment, they need to be educated and treated as the young adults they are. Fraternities and sororities need to move away from harmful gender norms and the glorification of excessive drinking, instead encouraging environments where respect, consent, and safety are paramount. Universities themselves can support these efforts by providing education and annual training on sexual assault prevention (For all students) and by promoting alternative social activities that don’t involve high-risk behaviors​.

·       Finally, transparency is key. Universities must be willing to acknowledge the problems within Greek life and take a proactive stance in addressing them. This includes being open about the challenges and failures of past efforts and being willing to engage in meaningful dialogue with students, alumni, and the wider community about how to create a safer campus environment for everyone.

The reluctance of long-standing institutions to address the impact of Greek life on sexual assaults is complex, but that doesn’t mean just ignoring the issue completely. The continued year after year prevalence of sexual assault within Greek life (and on campuses overall) needs to be addressed, starting yesterday.

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Big Sister’s Guide: College Red Zone and Acquaintance Rape

I’ve always been a big sister, which is probably why I do what I do. So, from a Big Sister aspect, I want to know my little sisters know how to keep themselves safe as they arrive on campus. So, consider me as your honorary sorority big sister for a moment. Hey, Sis…welcome to campus and your new life! This is the start of your amazing journey, so I want to let you know a few things to be wary of, especially regarding your personal safety. It's not the most comfortable topic, so no one else may these things out to you, but I’ve got your back.

Understanding the College Red Zone

The College Red Zone is the time between the start of the fall semester and Thanksgiving break when first-year students, particularly women, are at the highest risk of sexual assault. Studies have shown that more than 50% of college sexual assaults occur during this time. There are a lot of reasons—you’re new on campus, this is your first time living away from home, you want to fit in, maybe try some alcohol and drugs, and you’re not familiar with your new life yet. And predators are also aware of all of this.

As a new student, you’re excited to make friends and exploring your freedom. But this period of adjustment can also make you more vulnerable to those predators. So this is not about being paranoid; it’s about being aware and having the information you need to protect yourself.

Acquaintance Rape: What You Need to Know

Acquaintance rape, or date rape, occurs when the perpetrator is someone the victim knows, such as a classmate, friend, or even a romantic partner. This type of rape is especially prevalent in college settings, where social circles overlap and trust is often given too easily.

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), approximately 26.4% of undergraduate women experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation. And what’s even more alarming is that 8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. This is why it’s so important for you to be cautious, even in situations where you think that you’re safe. You may not know how much danger you’re actually in until it’s too late.

The Reality of College Life

Here are a couple of incidents that highlight the importance of being vigilant:

In 2015, a student at Stanford University was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner, a fellow student, after a party. Turner was someone she met at a party that night—an acquaintance. Her story, and the subsequent trial, made national headlines, and it’s just one of many cases where the perpetrator was someone the victim knew.

In another incident, a first-year student at a large state university was raped by a classmate after a night of drinking. They had been hanging out in a group and she thought he was just being friendly. It wasn’t until they were alone that he forced himself on her. She later reported feeling ashamed and confused because she thought she could trust him.

These stories aren’t meant to scare you, but to remind you that even in seemingly safe situations, you need to be cautious.

Tips for Protecting Yourself

1. Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. So, trust your instincts (what we call your Safety Intuition.) Don’t be afraid to leave a situation that makes you uncomfortable, even if it means disappointing others. And it’s important that you leave as soon as you can.

2. Stick with Friends: Always go to parties or social events with a group of friends and make a pact to leave together. There’s safety in numbers, and your friends can watch out for you. You can even work out some secret signals ahead of time, so that you all know exactly what to do.

3. Watch Your Drinks: Never leave your drink unattended, and don’t accept drinks from someone you don’t know or trust. Spiking drinks with drugs like Rohypnol or GHB is a common tactic used by predators.

4. Know Your Limits: Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and can impair your judgment. Know your limits and stick to them. It’s okay to say no to another drink, or to not drink at all.

5. Set Boundaries: Be clear about your boundaries in any relationship. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and don’t hesitate to assert yourself. Someone who keeps testing those boundaries is a red flag. We say: Be Persuasion-Proof.

6. Be Aware of Your Surroundings: Whether you’re on campus, at a party, or walking home, always be aware of your surroundings. Again, use your Safety Intuition. Avoid secluded areas and stick to well-lit paths.

7. Know Campus Resources: Familiarize yourself with campus safety resources like escort services, emergency phones, and counseling centers. These resources are there to help you.

What to Do If You’re the Victim of Rape

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, the most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. You are not alone, and there are steps you can take to get the support you need.

1. Get to a Safe Place: If you’re in immediate danger, find a safe location away from the perpetrator. This could be a friend’s room, a public place, or anywhere you feel secure.

2. Seek Medical Attention ASAP: It’s important to get medical care as soon as possible, even if you don’t think that you have visible injuries. A healthcare provider can perform a sexual assault forensic exam (often called a rape kit) to collect evidence and check for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or pregnancy.

3. Preserve Evidence: Try not to shower, change clothes, or clean up before seeking medical attention, as this can destroy important evidence. If you do change clothes, put them in a paper bag to give to the authorities.

4. Report the Assault: You have the option to report the assault to campus security or local law enforcement. While reporting can be a difficult decision, it can also be an important step in holding the perpetrator accountable and preventing future assaults.

5. Seek Counseling: Sexual assault can have long-lasting emotional and psychological effects. Many campuses offer free counseling services to help you process your feelings and begin healing.

6. Lean on Your Support System: Don’t be afraid to talk to friends, family, or trusted mentors about what happened. You don’t have to go through this alone—there are people who care about you and want to help.

As your big sister, I want you to have the best college experience possible, and that includes staying safe. Your first semester is exciting, but it’s also a time when you need to be extra cautious. Acquaintance rape is a real and serious threat, but by staying informed, trusting your instincts, and looking out for one another, you can protect yourself and your friends.

Remember, you are never alone. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need help, reach out. Whether it’s to me, a friend, or a campus resource, there are people who care about you and want to support you.

Stay safe, stay smart, and most importantly, take care of yourself and your sisters.

Understanding DARVO: Olympic Volleyball Rapist and Johnny Depp

DARVO—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender—is a manipulative tactic that abusers use to evade accountability, manipulate the situation, and distort public perception. This psychological strategy has been infamously employed by high-profile individuals, most recently by Steven Van de Velde, an Olympic beach volleyball player convicted of child rape prior to the games, and actor Johnny Depp, during his legal battle with Amber Heard. By analyzing these cases, we can better understand how DARVO allows abusers to shift the narrative to present themselves as victim, manipulating their accusers and the public to avoid consequences.

Understanding DARVO Dynamics

Deny: The first step in DARVO is denial that the incident(s) ever happened. When accused of harmful behavior, abusers typically deny that anything occurred. This denial can be direct, such as "That never happened," or more nuanced, downplaying the severity of their behavior and accusing the victim of overreacting.

Attack: After denying the allegations, the abuser shifts focus to attacking the victim’s credibility, character, or mental stability. The goal is to discredit the victim and cast doubt on their account, making it difficult for others to believe their story. Common tactics include accusing the victim of lying, exaggerating, having ulterior motives, or questioning the victim’s mental health.

Reverse Victim and Offender: The final stage is the most manipulative—reversing the roles of victim and offender. The abuser presents themselves as the real victim, claiming they are being unfairly targeted or persecuted by the victim’s accusations. This role reversal confuses the narrative and gains sympathy for the abuser, leaving the actual victim isolated and discredited.

DARVO in Action: The Cases of Steven Van de Velde and Johnny Depp

One of the most striking examples of DARVO is the recent case of Steven Van de Velde, an Olympic volleyball player convicted of child rape. During an interview, Van de Velde broke into tears, portraying he and his family as victims and blaming the British media for his tough experience of being booed at the Olympics, even though he’d confessed and been found guilty of three counts of child rape. He also served a year in prison (of a four-year sentence.) “Breaking down in tears during the press conference, Van de Velde bemoaned how his family and volleyball partner were negatively affected.” Despite the severity of his crime, his emotional display was a classic example of DARVO. During the interview, he minimized the crime, attacked those who protested his Olympic participation, and positioned himself as the wronged party, attempting to shift public sympathy in his favor. This manipulation not only obscures the truth but also demonstrates how effective DARVO tactics can be in shifting focus and attempting to rewrite the narrative.

Another high-profile example of DARVO is the case of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Both parties accused each other of abuse during their tumultuous relationship, leading to a highly publicized legal battle. Depp’s legal team effectively employed DARVO tactics by denying his abusive behavior, attacking Heard’s credibility by portraying her as unstable and dishonest, and ultimately positioning Depp as the victim of a false narrative. The extensive media coverage and polarized public opinion showcased how DARVO can complicate the perception of abuse cases, making it difficult to discern the truth and leading to widespread confusion and doubt about who the true victim is.

In the Depp-Heard case, the public’s perception was further muddled by the fame and charisma of both individuals, which amplified the impact of DARVO. Depp’s reversal of roles, where he portrayed himself as the one being wronged, gained significant traction, leading to widespread sympathy for him, despite the serious allegations against him. This case illustrates how DARVO can be particularly potent when the accused has a strong public image or the ability to sway public opinion.

The Prevalence and Impact of DARVO

But DARVO is not limited to a few high-profile cases; it is a widespread tactic that affects many victims of abuse. A study published in the University of Oregon Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that 72% of participants reported experiencing all three components of DARVO tactics when confronting someone about interpersonal offenses, including sexual assault. This response not only exacerbates the trauma experienced by victims but also contributes to a culture of disbelief and victim-blaming that permeates society.

In another study, published in the JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA, “Analyses revealed that: (1) DARVO was commonly used by individuals who were confronted; (2) women were more likely to be exposed to DARVO than men during confrontations; (3) the three components of DARVO were positively correlated, supporting the theoretical construction of DARVO; and (4) higher levels of exposure to DARVO during a confrontation were associated with increased perceptions of self-blame among the confronters.” In other words, the victim was manipulated into blaming themselves as the result of DARVO tactics.

The use of DARVO has significant implications for how abuse is perceived and addressed. When abusers successfully employ DARVO, it can lead to systemic failures in the justice system, where victims are not believed, and abusers are not held accountable. This failure perpetuates the cycle of abuse and discourages other victims from coming forward, fearing they will face similar tactics of denial, attack, and reversal.

Why DARVO is So Effective

The effectiveness of DARVO lies in its ability to manipulate emotions and perceptions. By denying the abuse, the abuser creates doubt about the reality of the victim’s experience, even to the victim themselves. The subsequent attack on the victim’s character further erodes their credibility, making it difficult for others to believe their account. Finally, by reversing the roles of victim and offender, the abuser taps into societal tendencies to sympathize with those who appear vulnerable or wronged.

This tactic is particularly effective in a society that is often skeptical of abuse claims, especially in cases involving prominent or respected individuals. The reversal of roles can lead to a situation where the victim is seen as the aggressor, while the abuser is viewed as a martyr, unfairly persecuted by false accusations.

The Broader Cultural Impact of DARVO

But DARVO has a broader cultural impact beyond individual cases. It reinforces the culture of silence and complicity that enables abuse to flourish. When society is swayed by DARVO tactics, it creates an environment where victims are discouraged from speaking out, knowing that they will likely face disbelief, attacks on their character, and the potential of being labeled as the perpetrator.

This cultural impact is evident in how media and public discussion often handle cases of abuse. High-profile cases involving DARVO tactics also tend to generate polarized opinions, with public sympathy often shifting towards the accused, especially when they are skilled at playing the victim. This not only harms the individual victims but also further perpetuates stereotypes, disinformation and misconceptions about abuse.

What Can Be Done to Combat DARVO?

Understanding that DARVO is a pattern is the first step in combating its effects. By recognizing the signs of DARVO, individuals, communities, and institutions can better hold abusers accountable and support the victims. This involves a multi-pronged approach:

1. Education and Awareness: Raising awareness about DARVO and how it operates is crucial. Educating the public, law enforcement, legal professionals, and support services about the tactic can help ensure that victims are believed and supported, rather than being further victimized by DARVO strategies.

2. Support for Victims: Providing support systems for victims is essential in countering DARVO. This includes access to legal, psychological, and social support that empowers victims to stand firm in their truth, even in the face of DARVO tactics.

3. Holding Abusers Accountable: It is vital to hold abusers accountable, even when they employ DARVO. This requires a commitment to thorough investigations, fair legal processes, and a refusal to be swayed by manipulative tactics that seek to distort the truth.

4. Changing Cultural Narratives: Society itself needs to shift its narratives around abuse, moving away from skepticism and victim-blaming towards a culture of belief and accountability. This involves challenging the stereotypes and biases that allow DARVO to be effective and creating a culture where victims are supported, and abusers are held to account.

Understanding DARVO is not just about seeing through the lies of an individual abuser; it’s about dismantling the broader culture of disbelief and victim-blaming that enables abuse to persist. The cases of Steven Van de Velde and Johnny Depp are just high-profile examples that illustrate how DARVO can distort the truth, harm victims, and perpetuate a cycle of abuse and injustice. There are millions more just like them.

Parents: It’s Time to Have “The TALK” About Campus Safety

September is Campus Safety Awareness Month, but it isn’t too early to start. As your young adult gears up to leave for their first (or maybe second or third) fall semester of college, it’s time to have The TALK. No, not the birds and the bees—that ship sailed a long time ago. This talk is about something equally important, if not more so: how to navigate the early months of college safely. And if your student is returning to campus, to remind them to keep an eye out for the newbies and to help out when they can.  

Parent and College Student

It’s is a time of transition, a rite of passage into being an adult and for most students, a time when they’re away from home and suddenly by themselves in a world vastly different from the one they grew up in. It’s important to guide your student in navigating their new environment the same way that you’ve guided them up until now – by letting them know what to expect, what could endanger them and how they can handle those dangers – especially now, the start of the College Red Zone.  

And if you aren’t familiar with it, the College Red Zone is the time span from August through Thanksgiving, when students, particularly freshmen, are most vulnerable to sexual assault, alcohol abuse, and other dangerous situations. 50% of sexual assaults on campus take place during this time, because predators are aware of the vulnerabilities of the incoming students.

Young women are often the victims of sexual assault, but young men and non-binary students aren’t immune to predation. They can also be victimized by hazing, bullying and assault. What should they expect? How can they avoid these situations and where can they find support? Letting them know ahead of time could make all the difference. Not a lecture, but a talk.

Culture Shock on Campus

If your child was raised in a low-crime, family-friendly environment, their college campus may feel like they landed on another planet. They find themselves surrounded by thousands of people that they don’t know, many of whom come from diverse backgrounds and bring with them a different set of norms, values and expectations than the ones they grew up with. Peer pressure, drugs, drink spiking, and other predatory behaviors aren’t just urban legends—they’re real challenges your student will face.

THE TALK isn’t about scaring them; it’s about preparing them, the same way that you prepared them for their other life challenges as they grew up.

The Peer Pressure Trap

Remember when your biggest worry was whether or not they’d finish their homework? Now, they’re about to face much different kinds of pressure. Whether it’s the pressure to fit in by attending every party, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, or engaging in risky behavior, your student needs to know that it’s okay to say no.

Talk to them about setting boundaries, knowing their limits, and understanding that not everyone on campus is their friend, nor has their best interests at heart. Encourage them to find their tribe—the friends who will look out for them and have their back. Respect their choices, keep the lines of communication open and support them when they need it most.

Navigating Drugs and Alcohol

It’s no secret that college campuses are hotspots for drug and alcohol use. But what your student might not realize is just how quickly things can spiral out of control. One night of partying can lead to dangerous situations, especially when alcohol is involved.

This is where you can step in with some real talk. Share stories—whether they’re from your own experience or from news headlines—about how easily things can go wrong. Emphasize the importance of staying aware, never leaving their drink unattended, and knowing how to get out of uncomfortable situations. Equip them with practical strategies, like the buddy system or having a code word with friends that signals they need help.

Recognizing Predatory Behavior

Unfortunately, college campuses aren’t immune to predatory behavior. In fact, the College Red Zone is known for an increase in sexual assault cases, particularly among freshmen. Your student needs to be aware of the warning signs of predatory behavior and know that they have the right to remove themselves from any situation that makes them uncomfortable.

Discuss the importance of trusting their instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Reassure them that they don’t owe anyone anything—whether it’s a drink, a dance, or their time—and that their safety should always be their top priority.

A Crucial Conversation for Parents of Sons

If you’re the parent of a young man heading off to college, this talk takes on an additional layer of importance. Your son needs to understand his role in keeping others safe, particularly young women who might be more vulnerable during the next few months of the College Red Zone.

Talk to him about the importance of respect, consent, and being an ally rather than a bystander. It’s essential that he understands that "locker room talk" and pack behavior can lead to harmful actions, even if they seem harmless at the time. Encourage him to step up if he sees someone in a situation that could escalate into something dangerous. Let him know that true strength lies in protecting others and standing up for what’s right, even when it may not be the popular choice.

This is also an opportunity to discuss the importance of empathy and putting oneself in someone else’s shoes. Reinforce that every person deserves to feel safe and respected, and that he has the power to contribute to a positive and respectful campus culture.

Help Them Make Smart Choices

The TALK isn’t about lecturing; it’s about empowering your student to make smart, informed decisions. It’s about letting them know that while you might not be there physically, you’re still in their corner, always eady to support them of the way.

So, take some time now, before the semester starts, too sit down with your student. Speak with them honestly and clearly, respecting them as the young adult they are. It might just be the most important conversation you’ll ever have with them.

Epidemic of AI Deepfakes: The Threat to Female Students

Schools are facing an epidemic of students creating deepfake pornography of their classmates. AI deepfakes have emerged as a significant threat to female students, with incidents like the one at Westfield High School in New Jersey illustrating the severity of the problem. In October of 2023, several 10th-grade girls discovered that male classmates had used AI to create explicit images of them. Despite the distress caused to the victims, school administration did very little and had to be prompted by a detective to even report the incident to law enforcement - reflecting the broader issue where many schools are unprepared to handle the rapid rise of AI-generated "deepfakes," and completely ignoring the effects of this abuse on the young victims.

Impact on Female Students

The threat of Deepfakes and synthetic media comes not only from the technology used to create it, but from people’s natural inclination to believe what they see. And the psychological toll on female students targeted by deepfakes is profound. Victims experience anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of violation. The realistic depiction of these deepfakes makes it difficult for victims to convince others that the images are fake, leading to social ostracization and long-lasting reputational damage. This can affect their academic performance, mental health, and even future opportunities, as the age-old stigma of victim-blaming may follow them for years. The incident at Westfield High School is a stark example, where the affected girls and their families reported feeling abandoned by the school administration, which did little to address the issue publicly.

Moreover, the use of deepfake technology in schools has introduced a new dimension of bullying that is particularly insidious. Unlike traditional bullying, which can be more easily identified and addressed, deepfakes are difficult to detect and even harder to remove once they spread online. This creates an environment of fear and mistrust, where female students feel vulnerable to exploitation at any time. The trauma from these experiences can leave lasting scars, as victims are forced to grapple with the emotional and social fallout.

Legal and Institutional Response

Deepfake fraud attempts increased tenfold between 2022 and 2023. And this rapid advancement of AI technology has outpaced the legal framework in many areas, leaving victims of deepfakes with very few options for recourse. And while federal laws, such as the recent warning from the FBI, make it illegal to distribute AI-generated child sexual abuse material, enforcement is challenging. Many school districts are unprepared to handle these incidents, as highlighted by the cases at Westfield High School and Issaquah High School in Washington, where administrators were “unsure” of their legal obligations.

The incident at Westfield High School also revealed the lack of a clear, consistent response from educational institutions. Despite the school’s claim that it had “conducted an investigation” and involved the police, affected families felt that the school’s actions were insufficient and slow. This reflects the broader trend where schools struggle to keep up with the challenges posed by AI technology, often lacking the policies, procedures and will necessary to effectively address such incidents.

Some districts, like Beverly Hills Unified School District, have taken a more proactive stance by expelling students involved in creating and sharing deepfakes. However, this level of response is not standard, and the lack of consistent policies across schools leaves many victim-students at risk. These varying responses among schools highlights the need for clearer guidelines and stronger measures to protect students from the harmful effects of deepfakes.

The Role of Technology Companies

Tech companies that develop and distribute AI tools also have a responsibility to prevent their misuse. While platforms like Snapchat and Instagram have policies against the distribution of explicit content, the enforcement of these rules is minimal. And although the technology to develop deepfakes is pervasive, the ability to detect and remove deepfakes is seemingly in its infancy, meaning that harmful content  remains online for extended periods before being addressed, if at all.

Recent statistics reveal the growing prevalence of deepfakes. A study by Sensity AI found that the number of deepfake videos online exceeded 100,000 in early 2024, with 98% of these being non-consensual pornography. The study also highlighted the worrying trend that the majority of victims are young women. These statistics underscore the urgent need for tech companies to take more aggressive action to curb the spread of deepfakes and protect vulnerable populations, especially young women.

Lack of Legislation

Legislators play a critical role in protecting students from deepfakes. A large issue is lack of legislation that criminalizes creation and distribution of fake images and videos. By enacting laws that specifically address the creation, distribution, and possession of AI-generated explicit content. Lawmakers should ensure that these laws include provisions for severe penalties to deter offenders and provide clear guidelines for schools and law enforcement on how to handle incidents. Additionally, legislators should mandate that educational institutions implement digital literacy programs, provide resources for victim support, and require technology companies to develop and deploy tools to detect and prevent the spread of deepfakes.

Prevention and Protection

To combat this growing threat of deepfakes, a multi-faceted approach is necessary. First, there needs to be greater awareness among students, parents, and educators about the risks associated with AI technology. Schools should implement comprehensive digital literacy programs that educate students on privacy settings, the dangers of sharing personal information online, and how to report suspicious activity.

Secondly, legal reforms are essential to protect victims of deepfakes. This includes updating existing laws to specifically address the creation and distribution of AI-generated explicit images and ensuring that schools are aware of their legal responsibilities in these cases. The inconsistencies in how schools handle deepfake incidents highlight the need for standardized policies and clear legal guidelines to ensure that all students are protected.

Tech companies must also play a more active role in preventing the misuse of their AI tools. This includes developing more effective detection systems and working closely with law enforcement to identify and prosecute perpetrators. The responsibility of these companies is critical, as their platforms are often used to create and distribute deepfakes. By taking a more proactive stance, tech companies can help reduce the prevalence of deepfakes and protect vulnerable populations.

In addition, legislators should work to establish a uniform national policy that addresses the ethical use of AI in schools, ensuring that every student is protected regardless of location. This involves collaboration with technology experts to keep laws up-to-date with rapidly evolving AI capabilities and fostering public awareness campaigns to educate students and parents about the risks associated with deepfakes.

Finally, schools must take a stronger stance in protecting students. This includes implementing clear policies on digital harassment, providing support services for victims, and fostering a campus culture that condemns the misuse of technology. Beverly Vista Middle School sets the example. When administrators learned in February that eighth-grade boys the school had created explicit images of 12- and 13-year-old female classmates, they quickly sent a message — subject line: “Appalling Misuse of Artificial Intelligence” — to all district parents, staff, and middle and high school students. The message urged community members to share information with the school to help ensure that students’ “disturbing and inappropriate” use of A.I. “stops immediately.”

The threat of AI deepfakes and the damage that it poses to young female students cannot be overstated. The devastating consequences for their mental health, safety, and future opportunities are serious threats to young women. The incident at Westfield High School is a stark reminder of the dangers posed by this technology and the urgent need for action.

Power Plays: Coercive Control and Workplace Bullying

When most people think of coercive control, they imagine an abusive dynamic within an intimate relationship, where one partner systematically erodes the autonomy and self-worth of the other. But this power dynamic isn’t confined to the home. It also manifests in the workplace, where it becomes a deeply damaging form of workplace bullying that can devastate victims' careers and well-being.

Although they may seem similar, there are differences. But the bottom line is the profound impact these power plays have not only the victims, but also the organizations that don’t address these issues.

Understanding Coercive Control in the Workplace

Coercive control in the workplace involves a pattern of behavior where an individual, often a manager, supervisor or in some position of power, seeks to dominate and control a subordinate or peer. Unlike traditional bullying, which may be overt and episodic, coercive control is insidious, systematic, and often covert. And identical to the dynamics of a personal relationship, it has a single goal: A calculated campaign to strip the victim of their autonomy, dignity, and sense of self-worth.

The behaviors that constitute coercive control in the workplace include:

• Manipulation and Gaslighting: The perpetrator might distort the truth, deny their actions, or manipulate circumstances to make the victim doubt their perceptions and reality. This gaslighting technique is designed to destabilize the victim and make them question their own competence and judgment.

• Isolation: A victim may be deliberately isolated from their colleagues, either physically or socially. The perpetrator might exclude the victim from meetings, withhold critical information, or spread rumors to turn other employees against them.

• Micromanagement: Excessive control over the victim’s work, down to the smallest details, can be a form of coercive control. This often comes with impossible-to-meet expectations, where the goal is to set the victim up for failure rather than support their success.

• Control Over Resources: The perpetrator might control the victim’s access to essential resources such as information, contacts, or opportunities for advancement. This can include restricting the victim’s ability to communicate with others or sabotaging their work.

• Threats and Intimidation: The use of threats—whether explicit or implicit—is common. This might include threats of job loss, demotion, or negative evaluations. The constant fear of repercussions keeps the victim in a state of anxiety and submission.

The Real-World Impact of Coercive Control in the Workplace

The impact of coercive control in the workplace is profound. Victims often experience severe psychological distress, including anxiety, depression, and a loss of self-confidence. The professional impact can be equally devastating, with damaged reputations, stalled careers, and, in some cases, the loss of employment.

Incidents of Coercive Control in the Workplace

Consider the case of Emma, a mid-level manager at a large corporation. Emma’s new supervisor, John, began to systematically undermine her from the moment he joined the team. He would routinely schedule meetings without her, then criticize her for being out of the loop. He micromanaged every aspect of her work, often giving her contradictory instructions and then blaming her for the inevitable mistakes. Over time, John began isolating Emma from her colleagues, suggesting she was incompetent and not a team player. Emma’s once-thriving career stalled, and she began to doubt her own abilities. After months of enduring this behavior, Emma was diagnosed with severe anxiety and eventually resigned from her position.

Another example is the story of Robert, who worked in a tech startup. His team leader, Sandra, was a master manipulator. She would often assign Robert tasks that were outside his expertise, then publicly berate him when he couldn’t complete them to her satisfaction. Sandra also controlled who Robert could speak to within the company, effectively cutting him off from any potential allies. Over time, Robert’s confidence eroded, and he found himself trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and fear. Eventually, he left the company, his career and mental health in tatters. I’ve personally experienced this dynamic myself.

These are not isolated incidents. Coercive control in the workplace is more common than many realize, but it often goes unrecognized and unreported due to its subtle and insidious nature. It also shares some commonalities with workplace bullying.

Coercive Control and Workplace Bullying

Coercive control and workplace bullying are both degrading behaviors that can create toxic work environments, but they differ in their methods and intentions.

Differences:

• Coercive Control: Involves a pattern of behaviors by someone in a position of power, such as a manager or supervisor, aiming to dominate and control another person. It is often covert, and includes psychological manipulation, gaslighting, and restrictions on autonomy, leaving the victim feeling trapped and powerless. Coercive control is more about maintaining long-term control over the victim’s actions, thoughts, and beliefs.

• Workplace Bullying: While it can be persistent, bullying can be more overt and recognized by others. The behavior may not only come from a manager, but also a peer or group of peers.  It can be driven by jealousy, competitiveness, or simply malicious intent, rather than the desire to exert continuous control. This is typically characterized by repeated, aggressive behavior intended to intimidate or degrade an employee. It can include verbal abuse, humiliation, or sabotage of work.

Commonalities:

• Both coercive control and workplace bullying involve power imbalances and can severely impact the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. The target has difficulty defending themselves due to the power imbalance between the parties involved

• They create hostile work environments that can lead to decreased productivity, increased absenteeism, and high turnover rates.

• Behaviors can be difficult to identify and address, as they often occur behind closed doors and may be subtle or masked as ordinary workplace interactions.

Statistics on Workplace Bullying and Coercive Control

While coercive control is a relatively new concept in the workplace context, the broader category of workplace bullying provides valuable insight into its prevalence and impact.

• According to a 2021 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), 30% of U.S. employees have experienced bullying at work. Of these, a significant number of reported patterns of behavior that align with coercive control, such as being deliberately isolated, manipulated, or intimidated by their superiors.

• Studies show that as many as 75% of bullied victims report higher likelihood to develop mental illness. Someone who is bullied is also more likely to develop problems with substance use as well—from alcohol to marijuana and illicit substances.

• The same WBI survey noted that 65% of workplace bullies are a higher rank than the target, which suggests that a power imbalance—critical in coercive control—is a common factor in these situations.

Why Coercive Control in the Workplace is Often Overlooked

Coercive control in the workplace is often difficult to identify because it can be subtle and insidious. Unlike overt bullying, which might involve yelling or public humiliation, coercive control often takes the form of private, behind-the-scenes manipulation. Victims may not even realize they are being controlled until the damage is done.

Moreover, the hierarchy of many workplaces can make it difficult for victims to speak out. Fear of retaliation, damage to their careers, or being labeled as a troublemaker often keeps victims silent. Even when they do report the abuse, the subtlety of coercive control means that it can be challenging for HR departments to recognize and address.

Addressing Coercive Control in the Workplace

To effectively combat coercive control in the workplace, organizations need to recognize it as a serious issue and take proactive steps to prevent it. This can include:

• Training and Awareness: Educating employees and management about the signs of coercive control and how it differs from other forms of workplace bullying is crucial. Awareness is the first step toward prevention.

• Clear Policies and Reporting Mechanisms: Organizations should have clear policies that define and prohibit coercive control. There should also be safe and confidential mechanisms for reporting such behavior, with assurances that complaints will be taken seriously.

• Support for Victims: Providing support for victims, including access to mental health resources and legal assistance, is vital. This support should be easily accessible and communicated clearly to all employees.

• Holding Perpetrators Accountable: It’s essential that those who engage in coercive control are held accountable for their actions by executive management. This might involve disciplinary action, up to and including termination, depending on the severity of the behavior.

Coercive control and bullying in the workplace are silent but devastating forms of abuse that can have far-reaching consequences for both individuals and organizations. By understanding the nature of this behavior, recognizing the signs, and taking proactive steps to address it, companies can create safer, more supportive environments for all employees.

In a world where the workplace is a second home for many, ensuring that it is a space free from coercive control and bullying is not just a moral imperative but a business necessity. The cost of ignoring this issue is too high—both in terms of human suffering and organizational health.

Tampa's Crisis Center: Enhancing Safety Through Dynamic Data and Law Enforcement Collaboration

The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay is revolutionizing crisis intervention and mental health support through its innovative daily use of dynamic data and proactive collaboration with law enforcement. This model not only accelerates their ability to respond to those in crisis, but also serves as a blueprint for other communities aiming to improve their rapid response systems and enhance public safety.

We recently had the opportunity to tour the Center. It is not an overstatement to say that the Center is setting a new standard for crisis management, mental health support and collaboration with law enforcement. We walked away from our tour convinced that the Crisis Center’s dynamic, innovative approaches to citizen safety are not just a local success story, but a blueprint for communities worldwide. Here’s why.  

The Crisis Intervention Dispatch Service Program

In April 2024, the Tampa Police Department (TPD) and the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay launched a groundbreaking crisis intervention dispatch service program. This initiative, introduced during National Public Safety Telecommunicators Week, aims to address the high volume of 911 calls with behavioral health components—estimated to be up to 70% of all calls received by TPD's dispatch center.

Key Features of the Program

• Intervention Specialists: Intervention specialists from the Crisis Center are now integrated into the TPD dispatch team. These specialists handle calls involving mental health crises that do not require immediate law enforcement intervention.

• De-escalation and Resource Allocation: The program focuses on de-escalating situations and connecting individuals to appropriate resources without necessitating a police response. Clara Reynolds, President and CEO of the Crisis Center, notes that: 97% of the time, intervention specialists successfully manage these calls without involving law enforcement. In other words, if an individual requires hospitalization for a mental health crisis, they are not transported in a squad car.

• Screening for Safety: 911 calls are carefully screened to ensure no weapons or public safety risks are present before engaging a Crisis Center intervention specialist, thereby prioritizing the safety of both the caller and the community.

 Use of Dynamic Data

Dynamic data also plays a crucial role in the Crisis Center's approach to crisis intervention. By leveraging real-time information and predictive analytics, the Crisis Center can effectively monitor, anticipate, and respond to crises.

• Real-Time Monitoring: The Crisis Center continuously monitors data from various sources, including 911 calls and crisis hotline interactions. This real-time monitoring allows for the identification of emerging crises and ensures timely intervention.

• Predictive Analytics: Data and trends are analyzed daily to predict potential crisis hotspots and peak times. This predictive capability enables the Crisis Center to allocate resources, such as emergency transport vehicles, proactively reducing response times and improving outcomes.

• Resource Optimization: Dynamic data helps optimize the deployment of intervention specialists and other resources. Understanding patterns in crisis occurrences ensures that the right resources are available when and where they are needed most.

Shared Database with Law Enforcement

The integration of shared databases between the Crisis Center and law enforcement agencies is a cornerstone of Tampa's proactive crisis intervention model. This collaboration enhances communication and coordination, leading to more effective crisis management.

Key Components of the Shared Database System

• Integrated Dispatch System: The Crisis Center and the Tampa Police Department (TPD) have partnered and developed an integrated dispatch system that facilitates seamless communication and data sharing. When a 911 call related to a mental health crisis is received, the system quickly determines whether it should be handled by law enforcement or an intervention specialist from the Crisis Center.

• Real-Time Data Sharing: Information about ongoing incidents, including the nature of the crisis and the individuals involved, is shared in real-time between the Crisis Center and TPD. This ensures that both entities have the most up-to-date information, enabling a coordinated response.

• Safety Screening: Before an intervention specialist is dispatched, the shared database is used to screen for any potential safety risks, such as the presence of weapons or a history of violence. This screening process helps protect both the intervention specialists and the individuals in crisis.

Proactive Resource Distribution

The combination of dynamic data and shared databases allows the Crisis Center to distribute resources proactively, rather than reactively. This proactive approach includes:

• Early Intervention: By identifying crises early through real-time monitoring and predictive analytics, the Crisis Center can intervene before situations escalate. Early intervention often involves connecting individuals to mental health services, substance abuse treatment, or other community resources.

• Targeted Support: The Crisis Center can target support to specific areas or populations that are identified as high-risk through data analysis. This targeted approach ensures that resources are used efficiently and effectively.

• Continuous Improvement: The use of dynamic data allows the Crisis Center to continuously evaluate and improve its crisis intervention strategies. By analyzing the outcomes of interventions and adjusting tactics accordingly, the center can enhance its overall effectiveness.

Impact and Success Stories

The Crisis Center's model has already shown promising results. For instance, the recently launched crisis intervention dispatch service program, in partnership with TPD, aims to reduce the number of officer-dispatched calls related to mental health crises. Early indications suggest that intervention specialists successfully manage these calls 97% of the time without needing law enforcement involvement.

Additionally, the Crisis Center's management of the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline has been exemplary. Despite a national trend of unanswered calls, the Crisis Center has achieved an impressive answer rate between 80% and 90%, making it one of the top-performing centers in Florida. Since the lifeline's launch in July 2022, the Crisis Center has answered over 8,800 calls, reflecting a significant increase in outreach and support for those in crisis. CEO Reynolds also notes that suicide calls result in a structured recovery plan, enabling those in crisis to receive the long-term assistance they need, and for 99% of those callers to begin their recovery.

Respect for Every Individual

We were also impressed by the commitment of the Crisis Center to respect for every individual and client. Whether it is the decision of a rape victim to prosecute or not prosecute, an individual experiencing suicidal thoughts or a person experiencing a mental health crisis, the Center is there to support the victim with dignity and respect.

They truly provide a blueprint for other communities seeking to increase public safety, improve their crisis response systems and treating those they serve with compassion and respect. If you have questions, or want to know more about this amazing organization, please contact them.

Post-Traumatic Growth vs. PTSD: Transforming Trauma into Triumph

Trauma is a terrible but inevitable aspect of life, impacting all of us in different, but profound ways. Two primary psychological responses to trauma are Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). While PTSD has gotten more attention, we know from experience that PTG offers hope after PTSD, where adversity can be a catalyst for positive transformation. In this article, we’re discussing the dichotomy between the two, sharing real-life incidents, statistics, and discussing recent therapeutic modalities that have helped us and others, including the pioneering work of Peter Levine, Gabor Maté, and more.

Understanding PTSD and PTG

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a severe anxiety disorder triggered by exposure to a traumatic event. Symptoms include intrusive memories, avoidance behaviors, negative changes in thinking and mood, and hyperarousal. PTSD can significantly impair an individual's ability to function in daily life.

Conversely, Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) refers to the positive psychological changes experienced as the result of struggling with highly challenging life circumstances. PTG manifests in five key areas: personal strength, improved relationships, a greater appreciation for life, new possibilities, and spiritual development.

Incidents Highlighting PTSD and PTG

PTSD Incidents

Consider the case of veterans returning from combat zones. Many suffer from PTSD, struggling with flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs reports that 11-20% of veterans who served in Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom have PTSD in a given year. These individuals often face immense challenges reintegrating into civilian life, maintaining relationships, and finding employment.

PTG Incidents

On the flip side, take the story of Maya Angelou, who endured significant childhood trauma, including sexual abuse and abandonment. Despite these harrowing experiences, Angelou emerged as a powerful voice in literature and activism, illustrating how trauma can be transformed into a source of strength and inspiration.

Similarly, Aron Ralston, who was forced to amputate his own arm after being trapped by a boulder during a hiking accident, found profound meaning and purpose following his ordeal. His story of survival and resilience, documented in the book and film "127 Hours," exemplifies PTG.

Statistics on PTSD and PTG

The prevalence of PTSD is significant. According to the National Center for PTSD, about 7-8% of the U.S. population will have PTSD at some point in their lives. Women are more likely to develop PTSD, with about 10% of women compared to 4% of men experiencing it at some point.

In contrast, studies on PTG show a more optimistic picture. Research indicates that between 30% to 70% of trauma survivors report some degree of post-traumatic growth. A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that 53% of individuals who experienced trauma reported moderate to high levels of PTG.

Therapeutic Modalities for Trauma

Over the past 15 years, several therapeutic modalities have been developed and have come a long way in helping trauma victims navigate our experiences and to work toward PTG. Here are some modalities that have worked for us:

1. Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing is a body-oriented approach to healing trauma. Levine's method emphasizes the importance of addressing the physical manifestations of trauma stored in the body. By focusing on bodily sensations, SE helps individuals release pent-up tension and complete the body's natural fight, flight, or freeze responses. This process facilitates the restoration of the nervous system's balance and promotes healing.

2. Compassionate Inquiry (CI)

Gabor Maté's Compassionate Inquiry is a psychotherapeutic approach that delves into the root causes of trauma. Maté's work highlights the interconnectedness of mind and body, exploring how childhood experiences and emotional pain manifest as physical and psychological symptoms. CI provides a compassionate space for individuals to explore their inner experiences, uncovering and healing deep-seated wounds.

3. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Developed by Francine Shapiro, EMDR is a well-established modality for treating trauma. EMDR involves using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, to help the brain reprocess traumatic memories. This technique has been shown to reduce the emotional intensity of traumatic memories, enabling individuals to integrate these experiences more adaptively and facilitating the healing process.

4. Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)

TF-CBT is a specialized form of cognitive-behavioral therapy designed to address the unique needs of trauma survivors. It combines traditional CBT techniques with trauma-sensitive interventions, such as exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring. TF-CBT helps individuals develop coping skills, process traumatic memories, and reduce trauma-related symptoms, promoting overall psychological well-being.

5. Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET)

NET is a short-term intervention designed to help individuals process and integrate traumatic experiences. This approach involves constructing a coherent narrative of the individual's life, including traumatic events, to contextualize and reframe these experiences. NET has been particularly effective in treating survivors of war and refugees, providing a structured method for processing complex trauma.

Facilitating Post-Traumatic Growth

While PTSD and PTG may seem like opposing outcomes of trauma, they are not mutually exclusive. Individuals can experience elements of both, and the journey towards PTG often involves navigating the challenges of PTSD. Here are some strategies that we’ve used to develop PTG:

1. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Practices such as mindfulness meditation and self-compassion exercises can help individuals stay present, reduce self-criticism, and foster a kinder relationship with themselves. These practices create a supportive internal environment conducive to healing and growth.

2. Social Support

Building and maintaining strong social connections is crucial for trauma recovery and PTG. Sharing experiences with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can provide validation, reduce feelings of isolation, and offer new perspectives on traumatic events.

3. Engaging in Meaning-Making Activities

Finding meaning in traumatic experiences can be a powerful driver of PTG. This might involve engaging in activities that align with one's values, such as volunteering, advocacy, or creative pursuits. These activities can help individuals reframe their trauma as a source of strength and purpose.

4. Professional Help

Working with a trauma-informed therapist can provide invaluable guidance and support. Therapists trained in modalities such as SE, CI, EMDR, TF-CBT, and NET can offer tailored interventions to help individuals navigate their trauma and foster growth.

The dichotomy between PTSD and PTG highlights the complexity of the human response to trauma. While PTSD represents the debilitating aspects of trauma, PTG offers a narrative of hope and transformation where there was none before. Through the support of innovative therapeutic modalities and a commitment to healing, we can navigate the challenges of trauma and emerge stronger, more resilient, and more appreciative of life.

By understanding and embracing the potential for post-traumatic growth, we can shift the narrative around trauma from one of solely suffering to one of resilience and transformation. This perspective not only empowers trauma victims to reclaim out lives but also leads to a more compassionate and supportive society for those of us who have faced adversity.

Building a Truth Council Like Melinda French Gates

In a world where women are constantly trying to balance the shifting sands of our personal and professional lives, having a reliable support system is more than helpful—it's essential. A powerful tool that really appeals to both of us is the concept of a Personal Board of Directors for your life, or a “Truth Council." Inspired by Melinda French Gates' recent conversation with Oprah Winfrey, the idea of a Truth Council—composed of trusted female friends who offer support, guidance, and accountability—can have a profound impact on your life. It has with mine.

The Essence of a Truth Council

During her discussion with Oprah, Melinda French Gates shared how she relies on her "Truth Council" for every major life decision. This council is comprised of her three closest female friends who have been her pillars of strength, wisdom, and honesty for over three decades. She blocks out time on her calendar every Monday morning to not only “touch base,” but makes time with them a priority – by walking together. She notes, “If you’re in town, you walk.” Gates credits these women with providing the unvarnished truth, offering different perspectives, and holding her accountable to her values and goals. But this concept isn't just for the elite or the famous; I’ve used it in my own life (although I didn’t call it that), and it’s a tool that all of us can cultivate.

The Role of a Truth Council

A Truth Council serves several crucial roles:

1. Emotional Support: Life is fraught with challenges, and having a council of trusted individuals provides a safe space for emotional release and healing.

2. Honest Feedback: Unlike regular friends who might sugarcoat the truth, the close friends of a truth council is committed to offering you candid, constructive criticism that is so helpful in personal growth.

3. Accountability: Whether it's personal goals, career aspirations, or major life decisions, your  truth council holds you accountable, ensuring that you stay true to your personal commitments and values.

4. Diverse Perspectives: With different backgrounds and experiences, the members of a truth council can offer varied insights, helping to see issues from multiple angles.

Real or Imaginary: The Flexibility of a Truth Council

While Melinda French Gates has a real-life Truth Council, the concept can be adapted to include both real and imaginary members. Napoleon Hill, in his seminal work "Think and Grow Rich," also described having a council, albeit imaginary, and his was made up of famous people that he admired, such as Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Edison. This council provided him with inspiration and guidance, but in a metaphorical sense.

The "Council of Imaginary Advisors" is a technique Hill described as a way to leverage the wisdom of great thinkers and leaders. He suggested that individuals could create an imaginary panel of advisors, consisting of historical figures or personal mentors, to consult for guidance and inspiration. This practice is rooted in the idea that engaging with the thoughts and philosophies of successful individuals can help one clarify their own goals and strategies for success

For women today, this flexibility means you can draw wisdom and strength from both real-life friends as well as historical or contemporary figures who inspire you. Imagine seeking counsel from Maya Angelou's resilience, Ruth Bader Ginsburg's justice, Malala Yousafzai's courage and the wisdom of Melinda French Gates herself, alongside your closest friends who understand your personal journey.

I’ve done this myself over the years, starting with my grandmother and aunt in the beginning, but over the years, also imagined advice from famous women authors that I admired, such as Rita Mae Brown, Marilyn French and Erma Bombeck (note that diversity is helpful!).

Building Your Truth Council

Creating a Truth Council involves intentional selection and nurturing of relationships. Here’s how you can start:

1. Identify Trustworthy Individuals: Choose people who have consistently demonstrated integrity, empathy, and wisdom in their interactions with you.

2. Diverse Expertise: Ensure your council includes individuals with diverse expertise and life experiences to provide well-rounded guidance.

3. Set Clear Expectations: Communicate the purpose of the council and the kind of support you seek. Transparency is key to fostering trust and accountability.

4. Regular Check-ins: Maintain regular communication to discuss progress, challenges, and seek advice. This consistency helps in building a strong, supportive network.

The Impact of a Truth Council

The benefits of having a Truth Council cannot be overstated:

1. Enhanced Decision-Making: With multiple perspectives, you can make more informed and balanced decisions.

2. Personal Growth: Honest feedback and accountability help in identifying and overcoming personal limitations, fostering continuous growth.

3. Emotional Resilience: A reliable support system boosts emotional resilience, helping you navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease.

4. Empowerment: Knowing you have a council that believes in you and supports you can be incredibly empowering, boosting confidence and self-esteem.

Real-Life Inspirations

Many successful women have implicitly or explicitly relied on a form of truth council. Sheryl Sandberg, in her book "Lean In," discusses the importance of mentors and peers in her career. Similarly, Oprah Winfrey herself often speaks about the network of friends and advisors who have supported her through various phases of her life.

Embrace the Power of a Truth Council Yourself

Imagine your own Pesonal Board of Directors, who would you include? Incorporating the concept of a Truth Council into your life is about more than just seeking advice; it's about creating a dynamic support system that fosters your growth, accountability, and empowerment. So, whether it’s through real individuals who walk beside you or through the imagined wisdom of historical figures, a truth council can be a transformative force. Embrace this concept, and watch how it elevates your decision-making, resilience, and overall well-being.

As Melinda French Gates eloquently put it, her Truth Council has been her bedrock, guiding her through the complexities of life with unwavering honesty and support. Every woman deserves such a council—a circle of truth that champions her, holds her accountable, but most of all - helps her soar to new heights. You can too. 

The College Red Zone: Drink Spiking and Sexual Assault

What is drink spiking? It happens when someone secretly adds drugs or alcohol to a person’s drink without their knowledge or consent. And unfortunately, it’s becoming increasingly prevalent, especially on college campuses. A lot of people may think that it’s just a prank. But whatever the motive, spiking is never ok or funny, because it affects your judgement, your memory and your ability to make decisions in your own best interest.. So, it’s crucial for students (especially if you’re new on campus) and those who love them to understand what drinks are being spiked with, how to reduce your chances of being spiked, recognize the effects and what to do when you realize that you’ve been victimized.

What Are Drinks Spiked With?

Drink spiking can involve various substances, each with its own risks and effects. Commonly used substances include:

• Alcohol: Often colorless and odorless, such as vodka. It may seem harmless, but you’ll have no idea how much alcohol you’re actually drinking

• Benzodiazepines: Like Rohypnol ("roofies"), Xanax, and Valium.

• GHB: A potent central nervous system depressant.

• Ketamine: An anesthetic that can cause dissociative states.

• Diphenhydramine: An antihistamine that can induce drowsiness.

 Devils’ Breath: Drug from Hell

But one of the most alarming substances that drinks have been spiked with is scopolamine, known as "Devil's Breath." Also known as the “zombie drug,” it can not only render a person incapacitated, but is particularly dangerous because of its ability to cause hallucinations, memory loss and unusually open to suggestion – such as handing over money or to seemingly consent to sexual assault. It’s odorless, tasteless and virtually undetectable in drinks. A powerful, deadly combination.

We’ve spoken with victims of Devils Breath ourselves and they report terrifying results. One victim we know unknowingly drank a spiked drink in a Las Vegas casino and was almost led out of the casino by a stranger before being spotted and stopped by her husband. She reports that she felt “zombified” but that casino security wouldn’t do anything about it, because security camera footage, it appeared as though she was compliant with the stranger.

Although Devil’s Breath victimization has typically taken place against tourists in Columbia, (as reported by the New York Times and the U.S. Embassy in Columbia,) its use seems to be spreading. The victim noted above reported her incident in Las Vegas, other incidents have taken place in Australia, and years ago in Paris. And while we haven’t heard of it on college campuses (yet), we’re noting it because it is so insidious, rarely discussed, and because of the incident in Vegas that we’ve become aware of.

 The College Red Zone and Sexual Assault

"The College Red Zone" refers to the period between the first day students arrive on campus in August through Thanksgiving break. Barak Obama has noted that “An estimated one in five women is sexually assaulted at college…” Research indicates that 50% of campus sexual assaults occur during the Red Zone, with freshmen and incoming transfer students being particularly vulnerable. It’s also important to note who the attackers are: 92% of sexual abuse offenders are men.

Most young women starting college are on their own for the first time in their lives. They’re away from everything and everyone that’s familiar, unsure of themselves in their new environment and eager for new friends and acceptance. At the same time, they want to enjoy their newfound sense of agency, which will more than likely include drinking for the first time, explore their sexual freedom and, in general, party like they’ve never partied before – with no prior experience and no one watching out for them.

Predators are acutely aware of these characteristics and position themselves to take advantage, which is why so many assaults take place during this vulnerable time. And, sadly, no methods are more effective of victimizing these young women than drink spiking. Even worse, many women won’t suspect the perpetrators because they are probably acquainted with them in some way.

 How Bad are the College Spiking Stats?

Recent studies paint a disturbing picture: Nearly 8% of college students across three U.S. universities reported having their drinks spiked. The gender disparity in victimization is stark: approximately 80% of drink spiking victims are female. Motives behind drink spiking vary, but they often have sinister implications. While some perpetrators claim to spike drinks "for fun," most instances of drink spiking incidents are designed for rape and sexual assault against the victim.

It is important to understand that someone who’s been spiked is incapable of consent – no matter WHAT the circumstances.

 Prevention and Detection

So, it’s imperative to educate these women before they step foot on a campus what can happen. To combat drink spiking, education and preventive measures are crucial. Students can take several steps to reduce the risk:

1. Don’t drink out of the punch bowl.

2. Never leave drinks unattended.

3. Be cautious about accepting drinks.

4. Keep drink detection products with you.

5. Establish a buddy system when going out.

6. Trust your instincts and immediately leave situations that feel unsafe.

7. Familiarize yourself with campus security services and resources so you know exactly what to do if you’ve been spiked.

How to Test for Drugs if You’ve Been Spiked

Recent technology advancements have introduced devices that can detect common date rape drugs in drinks before you have the drink. These include:

• Drink Test Strips: These can detect substances like ketamine and GHB. They are relatively easy to use and can provide quick results.

• Test Kits: More comprehensive kits (available in the U.K.) can test for a broader range of drugs

• Tech Gadgets: Some devices have been on the market that use various methods to detect drug residues in drinks, providing an added layer of security.

However, it's important to note that no single test can detect all possible substances used in drink spiking. Continuous advancements in drug formulations mean that new substances can evade detection, highlighting the need for ongoing research and development in this area.

What to Do If You Suspect Drink Spiking

If you suspect that your drink has been spiked, take immediate action:

1. Stop Drinking: The less you consume, the better.

2. Seek Help: Contact someone you trust to help you get to a safe place.

3. Medical Attention: Go to the emergency room immediately, especially if you've been assaulted or feel unwell.

4. Report the Incident: Inform the establishment’s manager, security, or staff and school authorities

5. Seek Psychological Support: To help cope with the trauma.

6. Contact the Police: Report the incident as soon as possible.

7. Get a Drug Test: Demand a urine or blood test from the medical facility or hospital. They may initially resist because the tests can be expensive. But time is of the essence. Certain drugs can leave your system within hours and remain undetected.

Even if you can't remember the exact details, seeking support and reporting the incident is essential. And don’t be surprised if you remember details in the days or weeks ahead. Report all information that you remember.

Reporting and Support

Underreporting is a significant challenge. Many victims hesitate to report due to shame, confusion, or fear of not being believed. A staggering 87% of victims do not report their experiences to the police. Reasons include insufficient evidence, believing it was too late, and concerns that no action would be taken.

Colleges must foster an environment where victims feel safe to come forward. Implementing partnerships with local law enforcement can also help address off-campus safety concerns.

Education and Awareness

Education and awareness are crucial to keep these young women safe. It’s important to recognize for them to recognize the signs of drink spiking, for them (and their male friends) to have each other’s back and to understand the importance of reporting incidents. It is not a crime nor a shame to be a victim. Predators count on victims not reporting, which emboldens and enables them to continue their attacks, perhaps on multiple victims. Colleges and universities have so far shown little interest in this education and awareness, so it’s something that the we, the public has to assist with.

Legislative Efforts and Challenges

As awareness of drink spiking grows, so do efforts to combat it through legislation. In California, a new law set to take effect in 2024 aims to make bars and nightclubs safer by requiring them to have drink test strips available for patrons. These strips can detect common date rape drugs like ketamine and GHB.

However, the effectiveness of such measures remains to be seen. Critics argue that the responsibility for preventing drink spiking should not fall solely on potential victims or businesses. Moreover, the rapid evolution of drug formulations means that test strips may not always detect newer substances used in spiking incidents.

On a broader scale, there's a significant lack of awareness regarding the legal status of drink spiking. The LADbible Group and Stamp Out Spiking report found that 86% of those surveyed were unaware that there is no specific law against spiking in many jurisdictions. This legal ambiguity contributes to the underreporting problem, with 82% of victims indicating they would be more likely to report incidents if spiking were explicitly illegal.

The Road Ahead

Addressing drink spiking requires an orchestrated approach. Stronger legislation, improved law enforcement strategies, enhanced public awareness, increased prosecution of perpetrators, student education (of ALL students) and technological innovations are all necessary. By fostering a culture of mutual respect, vigilance and zero tolerance of sexual assault, we can work towards creating safer environments for everyone.

As we confront the growing threat of drink spiking, it's clear that a concerted effort is needed to protect potential victims and create safer environments. The rise of drink spiking is a serious threat, particularly to college women, but with increased awareness, education, and action, we can work towards eliminating this dangerous practice and ensuring the safety of all students.

The fight against drink spiking is ongoing, but with increased awareness, better reporting, and concerted efforts from all sectors of society, we can hope to turn the tide on this dangerous trend. As individuals, staying informed, looking out for one another, and advocating for stronger protections can make a significant difference in combating this serious threat. By working together, we can ensure that college campuses remain safe spaces where our students can thrive without fear and the threat of life-altering trauma.

Simone Biles: Shining Example of Resilience and Triumph

Gymnastics powerhouse, Simone Biles, has long been celebrated for her extraordinary athleticism, boundless energy, and unrivaled achievements. Her journey, however, extends far beyond the mat. Simone’s life is a testament to the resilience and strength of the human spirit, having triumphed over a harrowing foster care experience, the trauma of sexual abuse, and a profound mental health crisis. Her story is not just one of survival but of post-traumatic growth, offering a beacon of hope for others navigating their own stormy paths.

Early Years: Triumphing Over Adversity

Born into a challenging environment, Simone and her sister faced instability from the outset. The girls were placed into the foster care system, a place where many children, especially children of color, face uncertainty and fear. Yet, even in these difficult circumstances, Simone's indomitable spirit began to shine. The foster care system can often feel like a void to those inside of it, stripping children of their sense of security and belonging. For Simone and her sister, finding stability through adoption by their grandparents was a turning point, providing them with a loving and supportive home.

The Scourge of Sexual Abuse: Confronting Larry Nassar

Simone’s ascent in the world of gymnastics was nothing short of spectacular but came at a great personal cost. As part of the USA Gymnastics team, she became one of the many victims of Larry Nassar, the team doctor who perpetrated horrific acts of sexual abuse under the guise of medical treatment. For years, Simone, like many others, carried this burden in silence, grappling with feelings of shame and betrayal.

Acknowledging the abuse publicly was a monumental step for Simone. It was an act of courage that not only helped her heal but also empowered countless other survivors to find their voice. By standing up, she transformed her pain into a powerful message: that the abuser’s actions define neither the worth nor the future of the survivors. Her bravery sparked a national conversation about the importance of protecting athletes and holding perpetrators accountable, paving the way for systemic change.

Overcoming a Mental Health Crisis: Prioritizing Self-Care

The pressures of elite gymnastics are immense, and in 2021, Simone faced a profound mental health crisis during the Tokyo Olympics. The world watched as she made the difficult decision to withdraw from several events, prioritizing her mental well-being over the pursuit of medals. This was a radical act of self-care in a sport that often glorifies pushing through pain and adversity.

Simone’s decision was met with a mix of support and criticism. However, her choice underscored an essential truth: mental health is as crucial as physical health. By putting her well-being first, Simone courageously sent a powerful message to athletes and non-athletes alike – it’s okay to not be okay, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Her actions highlighted the importance of listening to one's mind and body, advocating for a culture that prioritizes the health of individuals over performance and accolades.

Post-Traumatic Growth: Emerging Greater Than Ever

Simone Biles’ journey embodies the concept of post-traumatic growth – the positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances. Rather than letting her past define her, Simone has used her experiences to fuel her resilience and compassion.

Her return to the world stage in 2023, where she once again showcased her unparalleled skills, was a testament to her enduring strength and perseverance. Simone emerged from her trials not just as a survivor, but as a champion of change, mental health, and resilience.

Hope for Others: A Beacon of Light

For those who have faced similar adversities, Simone Biles’ story offers profound hope. Her life illustrates that while trauma can have a lasting impact, it does not have to dictate your future. Survivors of abuse, those of us who have faced mental health crises, and individuals like me who have emerged from a challenging background can look to Simone as a source of inspiration.

Simone's journey teaches us that healing is possible, and growth often emerges from our darkest moments. It reminds us that acknowledging our pain is the first step toward overcoming it, and seeking help is a courageous act. Her story encourages us to believe in our ability to rise, regardless of the obstacles we face.

A Legacy of Resilience

Simone Biles continues to inspire millions with her unwavering determination and advocacy. She has transformed her platform into a voice for the voiceless, championing the causes of mental health and survivor support. Her legacy is not merely one of gold medals and record-breaking feats but of profound human resilience.

In the end, Simone Biles shows us that greatness is not just measured by our successes but by our ability to overcome adversity and emerge stronger. Her story is a testament to the power of the human spirit, offering hope and light to all who have faced and are facing their own battles. Simone Biles is, and always will be, a beacon of resilience and hope.

Spain’s Predictive Domestic Violence Tool: Flawed, Failed Algorithm

Spain's attempts to combat domestic violence took an early digital turn with the adoption of a predictive algorithm designed to foresee and prevent such crimes. Unfortunately, what was heralded as a technological leap in public safety subsequently turned into a grim reminder of the limitations of over-relying on flawed technology. This ancient algorithm, now synonymous with failure, has resulted in dozens of tragic deaths and shattered lives. What’s the solution?

The Promising Start

In the early 2000s, Spain introduced the Viogen system, an algorithm-based tool to predict the likelihood of domestic violence incidents. The aim was to prioritize cases, allocate resources efficiently, and ultimately save lives. The algorithm analyzed various factors, including the history of violence, victim and perpetrator profiles, and socio-economic indicators to assign risk scores. The system was expected to be a game-changer, helping law enforcement and social services preemptively address high-risk situations. However, the sole reliance on data without taking human factors and victim feedback into account was just one of the fatal flaws.

Flaws Tragically Lead to Fatalities

However, as the years passed, the algorithm's shortcomings became increasingly apparent. One of the critical flaws was its heavy reliance on historical data, which often overlooked the dynamic and evolving nature of domestic abuse. Additionally, the algorithm struggled with underreporting and the nuances of human behavior, leading to many high-risk cases being misclassified as low risk.

The Stats

• Underreporting Issues: Studies indicate that only 25% of domestic violence incidents are reported to authorities, meaning the algorithm was working with a fraction of the actual data.

• Misclassification Rates: Reports have shown that nearly 30% of high-risk cases were misclassified, leaving victims without the necessary protection.

• Death Toll: Since the implementation of the algorithm, over 50 victims have lost their lives due to the system’s failure to predict and prevent attacks in high-risk scenarios.

Case Studies: Tragedies That Could Have Been Prevented

Case 1: María's Story

María, a 32-year-old mother of two, had reported her partner's abusive behavior multiple times. Despite the history of violence, the algorithm classified her case as low risk due to the lack of severe physical injuries in prior reports. Tragically, María was murdered by her partner in 2019, a death that could have been prevented with better risk assessment.

Case 2: Ana and Lucia

In 2021, Ana and her teenage daughter Lucia were killed by Ana’s ex-husband. Ana had a restraining order, and there were several police reports detailing her ex-husband's threats. However, the algorithm had deemed the threat level as moderate, not warranting immediate intervention. This tragic event highlighted the system’s inability to account for escalating threats adequately.

Public Outcry and Government Response

The growing number of preventable deaths has sparked widespread outrage among the public and advocacy groups. Protests have erupted across Spain, demanding immediate reforms and better protective measures for domestic violence victims.

In response, the Spanish government has acknowledged the algorithm’s failures and pledged to overhaul the system. They have initiated reviews and are exploring alternatives, including more sophisticated AI models and increased human oversight to ensure that the nuances of each case are better understood and addressed.

Insights from NY Times, Civic Innovations, and Politico Reports

A detailed report by the New York Times revealed systemic issues within the Viogen system. According to the article, the algorithm is often outdated and unable to keep pace with the evolving patterns of domestic violence. The lack of integration with social services and real-time updates further hampers its effectiveness. Victims and advocacy groups highlight that the system’s rigid classifications failed to capture the severity and immediacy of many threats, leading to inadequate protective measures.

An article from Civic Innovations emphasized that while AI and algorithms have their place, they cannot be relied upon entirely to solve complex social issues like domestic violence. The article pointed out that technology alone cannot replace the need for human oversight, empathy, and understanding in handling sensitive and dynamic situations such as those involving domestic abuse.

Additionally, a Politico report also illustrates that the Viogen system's lack of transparency and human oversight has resulted in severe consequences, with only 1 out of 7 women who reached out to the police for protection receiving help. The debate is part of a larger discussion on AI accountability, with calls for stricter regulations and bans on high-risk AI systems that have shown discriminatory patterns and failures.

Going Forward: Learning from Mistakes

The failures of Spain’s predictive algorithm underscore the need for a more holistic approach to combating domestic violence. Here are some recommendations moving forward:

1. Improved Data Collection: Encouraging more victims to report incidents and ensuring comprehensive data collection to feed more accurate information into the system.

2. Enhanced Algorithms: Leveraging advanced AI technologies that can learn and adapt over time, capturing the complexities of domestic abuse more effectively.

3. Human Oversight: Ensuring that trained professionals review algorithmic assessments to account for nuances and context that technology might miss.

4. Victim Support: Strengthening support systems for victims, including easy access to shelters, legal assistance, and counseling services.

5. Public Awareness: Increasing awareness campaigns to educate the public about domestic violence and the importance of reporting suspicious activities.

6. Victim Feedback: It is imperative to include victim feedback and lived experiences into any tool dealing with domestic violence and abuse. The subtlety and nuances of these relationships cannot be predicted solely by studying statistics.

Spain’s experience with the Viogen predictive domestic violence algorithm serves as a tragic example about the dangers of over-relying on flawed technology in life-or-death situations. While noble intentions lie behind the algorithm, intentions are far from enough. The execution and reliance on incomplete data have led to devastating consequences. As Spain moves forward, it must balance technological advancements with human intuition and oversight to protect its most vulnerable citizens more effectively. The lives lost serve as a somber reminder to all of us that when it comes to domestic violence, there is no substitute for survivor feedback and proactive intervention.

Artificial Intelligence is (Finally) Creating Safer Spaces for Women

The intersection of AI, technology and women’s safety can be terrifying. Automated password cracking, deepfake porn and voice synthesization, just for starters. But here at Street Smart Safety for Women, we’re also excited about the good news on the horizon: AI is also transforming women's safety in positive ways as well - unleashing solutions to keep us safer, both online and in-real-life - in ways that seemed impossible, even a year ago. Here are some of our favorite examples that illustrate how the power of AI is being harnessed to protect and empower women:

1. Dating App Bumble

Statistics don’t lie, more and more people (including professional women) go online for love. According to Pew Research, three-in-ten U.S. adults say that they’ve ever used a dating site or app.

Bumble, a popular dating app that was developed to keep women safer, is utilizing AI to enhance the safety of users in several different ways:

Preventing AI-enhanced profile images: Bumble just introduced a reporting option that allows users to easily report profiles if they suspect that the user is using AI-enhanced photos and videos.  

Removing Deepfakes: Bumble is working behind the scenes with the nonprofit Partnership on A.I. (PAI), a coalition dedicated to the responsible use of synthetic technologies. Bumble is working with PAI’s framework to prevent the sharing of nonconsensual images and deepfake porn on their app.  

Detecting and preventing scams. The platform employs machine learning algorithms to identify suspicious behavior patterns and fake profiles. The AI systems analyze user interactions, profile pictures, and language used in messages to flag potential scammers. This proactive approach helps in safeguarding women from falling victim to fraudulent schemes, ensuring a safer and more genuine dating experience. Bumble's AI also continuously learns and adapts, improving its detection capabilities over time, making it increasingly difficult for scammers to operate undetected. 

Blurring Unsolicited Images: Private Detector, a feature within Bumble automatically blurs unsolicited nudes shared within a chat.

 2. "aimiesays" App for Coercive Control Detection

The "aimiesays" app is one of our favorites. It’s an innovative tool designed to help women anonymously recognize and understand coercive control, an insidious form of domestic abuse and psychological control that can be so subtle that victims have difficulty recognizing it. The app uses AI to analyze the behavior patterns and interactions within a relationship. Users can input details about their partner's behavior, and the AI evaluates these inputs against known indicators of coercive control. It then provides feedback and resources, helping women to determine if they are in an unhealthy and controlling relationship. By offering this early detection, "aimiesays" enables women to seek help without feeling ashamed or embarrassed, and it empowers women to seek help and make informed decisions about their relationships before the situation escalates.

 3. epowar App: Physical safety

The “epowar” app (currently only available in the UK) provides an innovative and proactive step forward in personal safety by using AI to detect physical threats. This app is designed uses artificial intelligence to monitor the user’s heart rate and body motion to automatically recognize signs of potential danger. For instance, if the app detects sudden movements or falls, it can immediately alert emergency contacts or authorities. It also has features like voice activation for emergencies, allowing users to quickly call for help if they feel threatened. The AI in epowar continuously learns from the user's behavior, refining its ability to detect anomalies and respond appropriately. This real-time monitoring and response system provides an added layer of security for women in potentially dangerous situations.

AI's role in women's safety is rapidly expanding, offering tools and solutions that were previously unimaginable. By integrating AI into apps like “Bumble”, "aimiesays," and “epowar”, technology is providing women with powerful tools to keep ourselves safer…even from AI. We’re thrilled to see these developments, and look forward to seeing more ways that AI and technology increase our safety – a welcome relief from the familiar weaponization of technology against women that’s been so prevalent.