Stay Sharp or Stay Sorry: 5 Ways to Improve Your Situational Awareness

Women are in a no-win situation. We’re expected to “be nice,” “not overreact,” and “to give people the benefit of the doubt.” And predators count on exactly that.

On the other hand, we’re supposed to magically know WHO is a predator and who isn’t, and to protect ourselves from attack.

And one of the best ways we can do that is by paying attention to our Safety Intuition, aka situational awareness. It isn’t about paranoia—it’s about paying attention, making smart calls, and not being an easy target.

Here are 5 steps to level up that awareness.

One: Ditch the Distractions

You’re busy. We get it. But scrolling TikTok in the parking garage isn’t busy. You’re basically advertising "Come and get me!" Put the phone down. Take the earbuds out. Look alive.

A predator’s dream victim? Someone completely zoned out. The opposite? Someone who walks like they mean it, scans their surroundings, and makes eye contact like a Secret Service agent. Be THAT person.

Two: Read the Room

Your environment is always telling a story. Learn to read it.

• Who’s around you?

• Who’s watching you a little too long?

• What feels off?

If you’re in an Uber and the driver ignores your destination, don’t sit there hoping for the best—speak up immediately. If a guy at the bar is “just being friendly” but won’t take the hint, you don’t owe him politeness.

Ignoring red flags is how people end up on the news.

Three: Trust Your Gut—For Real, It’s Smarter Than You Think

Science backs this up: your instincts process danger faster than your rational brain.

That uneasy feeling you get when someone’s pacing behind you? Not paranoia. That tiny alarm in your head when a stranger offers to help with your bags? Might be worth listening to.

Stop second-guessing yourself. Women are conditioned to be polite, not safe. Rewrite that script.

Four: The “Exit Row” Mentality

You know how flight attendants tell you to locate the nearest exit before takeoff? Apply that logic to everyday life.

• Walking into a restaurant? Clock the exits.

• Parking your car? Park near lights, not blind spots.

• Rideshare? Check the child locks before you even sit down.

Because if something goes down, you don’t want to be the one just realizing you have zero escape plan.

Five: Control Your Space

Your personal space isn’t a suggestion—it’s a boundary.

If someone gets too close, make them move or you move. If a stranger gives you a weird vibe, step back. And if a situation makes your skin crawl, GTFO—no explanation necessary.

Let’s be clear: situational awareness isn’t fear—it’s power. It’s not about seeing threats everywhere, but knowing you’re too sharp to be caught off guard.

Because here’s the truth: Bad guys are lazy. They want easy targets. Don’t be one. Stay sharp, stay smart, and make them regret ever thinking you were an option.

Spring Break is a Predator’s Playground—Is Your Kid Ready?

Spring Break is almost here. “Watch your drink.” That’s about as far as most parents get when talking to their kids about spring break safety. And that’s solid advice—until you realize that some of the biggest dangers aren’t coming from a spiked tequila sunrise but from things your kid won’t even see coming.

If you think Spring Break is just some harmless beach-party chaos, let me introduce you to the real risks that don’t make the Instagram highlight reel:

🔹 Fake Uber/Lyft drivers – Because nothing says “I’m a walking target” like a drunk college student stumbling into the wrong car. And yes, this happens a lot. A couple of quick safety checks:
*  Is the driver’s name, license plate, and car model exactly what’s in the app?
No? Then get out.
*  Enable the “PIN” feature in the app. If the PIN doesn’t match, the driver can’t start the ride.

🔹 Hotels = Not Secure – That little metal latch on the door? So cute. Too bad hotel staff have master keys. And hotel bars? Prime hunting grounds for predators looking for wasted tourists. Pro tip: Pack a doorstop alarm- (link in comments section), because actual security seems to be too much to ask for, sometimes.

🔹 Human trafficking isn’t just a movie plot – Certain spring break hotspots see trafficking spikes, and no, it’s not just 'Taken' drama. Airports, clubs, even public sidewalks—there are people out there who prey on disoriented, overserved young people. It isn’t paranoia. It’s pattern recognition.

🔹 Groupthink can kill you – Ever heard of the Bystander Effect? It’s when people assume someone else will step in, so NO one does. That’s how bad situations escalate. Teach your kid that when something feels off, it probably is—and if their friends ignore it? Get out anyway.

🔹 The “It Won’t Happen to Me” mindset – The bulletproof confidence of young people is adorable—right up until they find themselves in a bad situation that they never thought they'd be in. The smartest people in any room know it can happen to them and plan accordingly.

Spring break safety is about being strategic, not scared. Your kid doesn’t need to be paranoid—they just need to be smart as hell.

What the Civil Rights Movement Can Teach Us About Personal Safety

Very few people have purposely put themselves in dangerous situations like the early Civil Rights leaders did. They operated in the hostile, violent territory of the Deep South and obviously, with no way to “hide in plain sight.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Fannie Lou Hamer, Ella Baker, and the Freedom Riders weren’t just fighting for justice; they were surviving in those hostile environments where their very existence was a threat to the status quo. They were stalked, harassed, arrested, beaten, and killed—but they also developed tactics that kept them as safe as possible while pushing forward.

Personal safety isn’t just about self-defense moves or pepper spray. It’s about strategy, awareness, and resilience—and few movements understood this better than the early civil rights leaders, who were also courageously committed to a policy of nonviolence.

Their lessons are Timeless. Powerful. Essential. And if you’re a woman, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, or an advocate in today’s climate, understanding their strategies are more relevant than ever.

1. Know Your Surroundings & Plan Ahead

Civil rights leaders knew they were walking into dangerous situations, so they never went in blind. They scouted locations, mapped exit routes, and mentally prepared for potential threats.

🔹 Lesson: Don’t assume you’re safe just because nothing has happened—situational awareness is everything. Know your environment, trust your gut, and have a plan if things go sideways.

2. There’s Safety in Numbers

The Freedom Riders didn’t travel alone. Neither did protestors in Montgomery. They understood that being alone made them an easier target—but together, they were stronger.

🔹 Lesson: Whether you’re walking home at night, meeting someone from a dating app, or navigating workplace power dynamics, never underestimate the power of a strong network. Share your plans, check in with people, and surround yourself with allies.

3. Document Everything

The civil rights movement was one of the first to weaponize media as protection—using photographs, TV coverage, and recorded accounts to expose injustice.

🔹 Lesson: If something feels wrong, document it. Take screenshots. Record incidents. Write things down. If you ever need to prove harassment, abuse, or danger, your receipts will matter.

4. Know Your Rights & Use the System to Your Advantage

Thurgood Marshall didn’t just fight oppression in the streets—he fought it in the courts. Civil rights activists learned the law and used it against their oppressors.

🔹 Lesson: Know the laws that protect you—whether it’s sexual harassment policies, workplace protections, or self-defense laws. Knowledge is power, and power keeps you safe.

5. Master the Art of De-escalation

The nonviolent resistance strategy wasn’t just about morality—it was a tactical move to avoid escalating violence. Protestors were trained to stay calm, not take the bait, and protect themselves strategically.

🔹 Lesson: Not every fight is worth engaging in. If someone is baiting you, escalating a situation, or trying to provoke a reaction, disengage strategically. Safety first, always.

6. Protect Your Communication

The FBI infiltrated the movement. J. Edgar Hoover tapped phones and sabotaged the Civil Rights  leaders. In response, activists developed coded communication systems and secure networks.

🔹 Lesson: Be mindful of what you share online and who you trust with sensitive information. Protect your data, use encrypted messaging apps when necessary, and be aware of digital surveillance.

7. Self-Care Is a Form of Resistance

Fannie Lou Hamer and other leaders understood something crucial: burnout is real, and exhaustion makes you vulnerable. They prioritized rest, healing, and mental resilience.

🔹 Lesson: If you’re advocating for change or just trying to survive in a world that often feels hostile, take care of yourself first. Sleep. Eat well. Exercise. Unplug. Your safety starts with your strength.

8. Train for Worst-Case Scenarios

While the movement was based on nonviolence, many activists trained in self-defense, emergency response, and security tactics—not to fight, but to survive.

🔹 Lesson: Carry defensive tools, plan emergency procedures, and always have a backup plan. If things go wrong, preparation can be the difference between panic and survival.

9. Leverage Technology as a Safety Tool

Imagine if civil rights activists had smartphones—live streaming attacks, tracking locations, and organizing online. But today, technology can be your lifeline.

🔹 Lesson: Use your phone strategically for safety—share your location, set up emergency contacts, and have a plan to discreetly call for help if needed.

10. Stay Resilient—It’s a Long Game

Civil rights leaders didn’t expect change overnight. They were relentless, strategic, and committed—even in the face of extreme adversity.

🔹 Lesson: Your safety, your goals, and your power aren’t about quick fixes. It’s about building habits, learning from history, and staying strong over time.

The early leaders of the civil rights movement weren’t just fighting oppression—they were masters of safety strategy. Their tactics saved lives, exposed injustice, and built resilience in the face of danger.

In navigating today’s world—their lessons are your blueprint.

Teen Dating Violence—Do Parents and Educators See the Signs?

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month reminds us of the reality that too many teens are experiencing abusive relationships, and most parents and teachers don’t recognize the warning signs.

When we think of dating violence, a lot of people picture adults trapped in abusive relationships—but the hard truth is, it starts far earlier.

💔 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience some form of dating abuse.
💔 Only 33% of those teens in abusive relationships ever tell anyone.
💔 Girls and young women (ages 16-24) experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence—nearly 3x the national average.

💔 43% of LBGTQ youth reported being victims of physical dating violence vs 29% of non-LGBTQ youth.

And yet…

🚨 81% of parents believe teen dating violence isn’t an issue—or don’t even know if it is.
🚨 82% of parents say they could recognize dating abuse, but 58% don’t know all the warning signs.

Could you recognize them?

Why Teen Dating Violence Goes Unnoticed

Unlike in movies, abusive relationships don’t always begin with physical violence. Instead, they often start with control disguised as love:

✅ “I just love you so much, I need to know where you are all the time.”
✅ “I worry about you! That friend of yours is a bad influence. You should stop hanging out with them.”
✅ “I get upset because I love you so much. If you really loved me, you’d understand.”

Control is the foundation of dating violence, and it’s why many teens don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until it escalates. They just don’t have the life experience, which is why they need help to recognize it.

Abusers don’t look like villains at first—they’re often charming, affectionate, and overly attentive. But over time, their “love” becomes control. Teens are particularly

🚩 Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence

If you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor, here’s what to watch for:

What the abuser may do:

🔴 Extreme jealousy (constant texting, checking their location, monitoring social media)
🔴 Controlling behavior (deciding what they wear, where they go, who they talk to)
🔴 Explosive anger/mood swings
🔴 Isolating their partner (convincing them to cut off family or friends)
🔴 Verbal abuse (sarcasm, name-calling, gaslighting)
🔴 Blaming others for their own problems or bad behavior
🔴 Threats of harm (toward the victim or themselves)

What the victim may experience:

⚠️ Excessive texting or calls (to one specific number)
⚠️ Sudden stop in texting (the abuser may have given them a burner phone)
⚠️ Extreme personality changes (more than typical teen mood swings)
⚠️ Fear of making their partner angry
⚠️ Lack of friends or sudden withdrawal from social activities

🚨 Dating violence isn’t always physical—but controlling, emotional, and psychological abuse can be just as damaging.

How Parents & Teachers Can Help

1️⃣ Start the conversation early. Many teens don’t recognize abuse, so it’s critical to talk about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships before they start dating.

2️⃣ Create a safe space to talk. Teens may be afraid to open up if they fear punishment, shame, or being forced to break up. Let them know they can talk to you—without judgment.

3️⃣ Encourage peer awareness. Many teens confide in their friends first. Make sure they know how to help a friend safely.

4️⃣ Pay attention to subtle signs. A teen withdrawing from family and friends or constantly glued to their phone may need help.

5️⃣ Know where to get help. Schools, crisis centers, and hotlines offer support—but teens need to know they exist.

Dating violence is real—and it can happen to any teen, regardless of background, family, or personality. By learning the warning signs and having open conversations, we can help stop abuse before it escalates into lifelong patterns.

Know a parent, teacher, or mentor who could use this information? Share this. Start the conversation.

💜 Need Help? Here Are Resources for Teens & Parents:

📞 Love Is Respect (Teen Dating Abuse Hotline)

• Call 866-331-9474

• Text LOVEIS to 22522

• Chat online at www.loveisrespect.org

📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline

• Call 800-799-7233

• Text START to 88788

• Chat online at www.thehotline.org

💻 RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)

• Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)

• Chat online at www.rainn.org

📍 Find Local Support

• School counselors, crisis centers, and Title IX coordinators can help.

🚨 If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Your Turn: Have You Seen These Signs?

The Key to Resistance: When Politics and Domestic Abuse Use the Same Playbook

In both politics and personal relationships, there is a tactic as insidious as it is effective: flood the system and the victim with so much chaos that they believe that resistance is futile. The goal is the same - whether it's an individual overwhelming the government with constant crises or a domestic abuser keeping their victim in a perpetual state of overwhelm, the goal is the same—control through exhaustion.

Flood the System: Gaslighting and Manipulation

In the political world, when leaders bombard the government with scandal, misinformation, and relentless upheaval, the opposition struggles to keep up. As reported in Rolling Stone, the sheer volume of executive orders that have been issued is designed to create a sense of fatigue, where even major infractions fail to provoke outrage because they’re just one in a long series of crises.

Domestic abusers use the same strategy. By creating a whirlwind of emotional manipulation—shifting blame, gaslighting (rewriting history) and manufacturing drama—they ensure that their victims are too overwhelmed to see clearly or take action on their own behalf. Gaslighting is used as a sledgehammer to make the victim doubt their own perceptions, just as political chaos can make the public question reality.

The Normalization of Dysfunction

Before you know it, what was once shocking becomes mundane. In politics, a leader who repeatedly disregards norms, bends laws, or spews conspiracy theories eventually desensitizes the public. In the beginning, people were outraged; now, they shrug, fatigued by the onslaught.

In abusive relationships, this is the ‘boiling frog’ effect. The victim doesn’t immediately recognize the danger because the abuse escalates so slowly. What starts as teasing jealousy turns into controlling behavior, then isolation, then outright violence. And by the time the victim realizes they’re in an abusive relationship, the dysfunction has become their new normal.

Creating Learned Helplessness

In government, when chaos is constant, opposition parties feel powerless. Each effort to counteract the chaos fails, and eventually, they give up. They stop pushing back, believing no amount of action will restore stability.

In domestic abuse, this is called learned helplessness. The victim, after experiencing repeated cycles of abuse and false hope, loses faith in change. They begin to believe there is no escape, so they stop resisting.

Turning the Opposition (or the Victim) Against Themselves

Another common tactic of both political manipulators and abusers is causing division among communities who should be allies.

In politics, when an administration creates so much chaos that opposition members start blaming each other for being ineffective, they lose sight of the actual problem. Instead of uniting against the chaos agent, they become fragmented and weak.

Abusers do the same. They use triangulation—pitting friends, family, and the victim’s own self-doubt against them. The victim becomes isolated, convinced that they can’t trust others, or even that they themselves are the problem.

Weaponizing Exhaustion

By constantly narratives, making erratic decisions, and manufacturing endless distractions, agents of political chaos keep everyone in reaction mode. Instead of focusing on strategy, any opposition is constantly playing defense, unable to plan a meaningful counterattack.

Abusers use unpredictability as a weapon, keeping their victims in a constant state of anxiety. A victim never knows what will set off the next outburst, so they expend all their energy trying to placate the perpetrator and trying to prevent the inevitable rather than planning their escape.

Fear and Retaliation

When political figures create chaos, they often retaliate against those who challenge them, instilling fear that silences dissent. Those who dare to speak out are attacked, discredited, or punished, a tactics to make others hesitate before taking a stand.

In domestic abuse, retaliation can be physical, emotional, or financial. From experience, victims fear what will happen if they try to leave or fight back. The abuser ensures that any act of resistance is met with swift and painful consequences (The next time, it will be worse).

Parallels of Power and Control

The similarities between political chaos and domestic abuse are striking because both operate on the same principles of coercive control. The goal is never just disruption—it’s domination through exhaustion. Whether in government or personal relationships, the key to resistance is recognizing these patterns for what they are.

Just as domestic abuse survivors can reclaim their power through awareness and support, society can push back against chaos by refusing to become numb, staying vigilant, and holding those responsible accountable.

Recognizing the playbook is the first step in stopping the cycle—both in politics and in life.  

Breaking Silence: Suicide Prevention and Trauma

For many people, the aftermath of trauma can feel like an undertow eroding the foundation of their lives. Whether it’s navigating the aftermath of abuse, enduring systemic inequities at work, or juggling responsibilities with little to no support, the weight of trying to deal with all of it can feel absolutely unbearable. In the middle of this emotional chaos, discussions about suicide are crucial. By being bold enough to start this conversation, you could help save someone’s life. And maybe that someone is you.

A Crisis of Silence

Survivors often find themselves caught in a vicious cycle. For one thing, trauma itself often still carries an isolating stigma, especially for women who are often victim blamed and isolated. And for another, the aftereffects of trauma, like shame, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), can make those feelings of isolation even worse. So, for many people, suicide isn’t so much a desire to end their life so much as it is just a desperate attempt to escape the overwhelming pain. The statistics are stark: women are twice as likely as men to attempt suicide, yet their attempts are often minimized, dismissed, or miscategorized.

And the most vulnerable are women whose trauma stems from intimate relationships, systemic abuse, or childhood neglect, because the betrayal and harm comes from those who are closest to them and are supposed to care for and protect them. These emotional wounds can fester, especially when they’re ignored or invalidated. What can we do as family, friends, and colleagues to turn that tide for someone?

Understanding the Warning Signs

Suicide prevention starts with awareness. Many women who suffer in silence exhibit signs that, if recognized, could initiate a conversation:

• Withdrawal from friends, colleagues, or activities that they previously enjoyed.

• Expressions of hopelessness or feeling like a burden.

• Extreme mood changes, such as sudden calm after a depressive episode.

• Talking about escape, even in vague terms.

• Uncharacteristic risk-taking behavior, such as substance abuse or reckless spending.

It’s important to listen closely and observe changes, especially in women with a known history of trauma. Their pain might not always be articulated directly but can show up in more subtle ways.

The Role of Connection

For people overwhelmed by trauma, connection can be the most significant protective factor. Isolation breeds despair, while even small efforts of validation and understanding can open a window to hope. The most impactful steps include:

1. Validating Their Experiences: Trauma survivors need to hear that their pain is real, and their feelings are valid. Even simple statements like, “It’s okay to feel this way” can be a lifeline.

2. Encouraging Professional Help: Many women resist seeking help due to stigma or a lack of resources. Gentle encouragement to seek therapy or speak to a doctor can make a difference. Trauma-informed professionals are critical.

3. Check In Regularly: Simple check-ins like a text or a phone call can remind someone that they’re not alone. “Thinking of you” can mean a lot to someone who is suffering.

4. Offering Practical Support: For people overwhelmed by daily stressors, practical help like going for coffee, occasional babysitting, or navigating healthcare systems can go a long way.

Breaking the Suicide Taboo

One of the biggest barriers, by far, to suicide prevention is the stigma surrounding mental health and suicide itself. And for women, this stigma is even more compounded by social expectations of resilience and caregiving. That’s why it’s crucial to normalize these discussions and to educate ourselves and our communities about the impacts of trauma.

I struggled with suicidal tendencies and several weak attempts for many years. And although it was my responsibility to deal with those issues, it would have been much easier if I felt that I could have spoken about it without stigma. 

So, when we talk openly about suicide—without judgment or sensationalism—we chip away at the silence that keeps so many women suffering. Sharing personal stories of survival, organizing trauma-awareness events, and integrating mental health education into workplaces and schools are just a few steps that would go a long way toward breaking this taboo. Even writing an article about it on a professional network like LinkedIn may help someone.

It Takes All of Us

Preventing suicide among trauma survivors isn’t the responsibility of any one person; it takes all of us. By building communities that care, we can create and support environments where people feel safe to express their pain and empowered to seek help. It’s about showing up, speaking out, and standing together.

Trauma shatters lives, but connection, compassion, and action can piece them back together.

Immediate Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, know that help is available:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA): 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 988

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

• Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

These resources are available 24/7, offering support, validation, and a lifeline for someone in crisis.

Domestic Violence: What The Media is Missing

There’s a massive global story happening right now, and the media still hasn’t connected the dots. Across the world, grassroots protests have erupted just over the last few months protesting violence toward women—Northern Ireland, Kenya, France, Spain, Australia. These are raw, community-driven rallies from people who’ve flat-out had enough.

A key driver behind these protests is domestic violence and abuse. In every country on this list, the stories fueling these marches involve women harmed or killed not by a stranger on the street, but by someone they knew—partners, family members, people they trusted. These are not isolated incidents; they’re part of a devastating global pattern.

What’s Happening on the Ground

• Northern Ireland: Candlelit vigils with signs screaming “End the Silence” after local communities faced devastating losses from domestic violence.

• Kenya: Women chanting and carrying placards with “Justice for Our Sisters” as femicide rates, often tied to intimate partners, continue to climb.

• France: 80,000 people protested at the Eiffel Tower, calling out femicide and demanding justice after the brutal attack on Giséle Pélicot, a grandmother drugged and raped by dozens in her own home.

• Spain: Crowds flooding the streets behind the battle cry “Ni Una Menos” (Not One Less) to fight the intimate partner violence that’s taken too many lives.

• Australia: Indigenous women leading marches, shining a light on the domestic abuse epidemic in their communities—a crisis too often ignored by the system.

These protests didn’t need a PR team. They didn’t need a celebrity endorsement. They’re fueled by something much bigger: rage, heartbreak, and a demand for change in places where the pain is all too real.

The Ugly Numbers

Let’s get into the eye watering statistics:

• Globally: 1 in 3 women will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime—much of it at the hands of someone they know. Note that the number is much higher due to underreporting of crimes that occur behind closed doors.

• Northern Ireland: A staggering 98% of women surveyed have experienced violence or abuse, over 50% of these before age 11.

• Kenya: Between August and November of 2024, over 100 women were killed, primarily by intimate partners.

• France: 122 women were killed by their partners or ex-partners last year.

• Australia: One woman is killed every four days—the majority due to domestic violence.

These are not just numbers; these are lives, families, and communities forever shattered by violence.

Here’s Your Chance to Step Up

On January 18, there’s a way for you to show up as well. Local marches are happening in the U.S., and this is where you come in. Women, men, everyone—get up, get out, and show your face. Bring your voice. And men, we can’t do this alone, we need your support. This isn’t just a women’s issue; it’s your issue, too.

Let’s Be Clear

These rallies are a wake-up call, not just for the governments ignoring the problem but for every single one of us. Domestic violence and abuse don’t stay behind closed doors; they spill into every corner of society. We can either show up and raise these voices or stay home and let the silence win..again..

The choice is yours. Will you join the roar or stay on mute?

Find a march near you. Show up. Speak out.

Because this isn’t just about changing the conversation—it’s about saving lives.

Find a local Women's March

Stalking Awareness: Staying A Step Ahead

January is Stalking Awareness Month, a time to be aware of a crime that is often minimized and overlooked. Stalking affects approximately 1 in 6 women in the United States during their lifetimes and can escalate to violence, making it critical for you to understand how to recognize and respond to it. The dangers of stalking are real and immediate, but with the right tools and strategies, you can protect yourself.

What is Stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that can terrify the victim. Often brushed off by people who haven’t been affected or don’t understand, it not trivial. It can take many forms, including:

• Repeatedly following or monitoring someone in person or online.

• Unwanted communication, such as excessive texting, emailing, or messaging.

• Using technology to track someone's location, like GPS devices or apps.

• Showing up uninvited at work, home, or other frequented places.

While the media often depicts stalking as an overblown romantic gesture, the reality is far more dangerous. Because stalking can escalate to violence, with 76% of women murdered by an intimate partner having been stalked beforehand.

What Are Warning Signs of Stalking?

Key warning signs of stalking include:

• Frequent, unwanted contact that continues even after being asked to stop.

• Unexplained appearances in places where the victim is known to be.

• Gifts or notes left to intimidate or manipulate.

• Knowledge of personal details, such as schedules, addresses, or passwords.

If something feels "off," trust your instincts. Stalkers often minimize their behavior, causing victims to second-guess themselves. Don’t fall for it. Trust YOURSELF.

What You Can Do if You’re Being Stalked

1. Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of stalking incidents, including dates, times, locations, and what occurred. Screenshots of texts or emails can also be invaluable evidence.

2. Enhance Your Digital Safety:

• Regularly update your passwords and enable two-factor authentication.

• Review privacy settings on social media and avoid sharing your location.

• Check for spyware on your devices.

3. Build a Safety Plan:

• Identify safe places to go if you feel threatened.

• Inform trusted friends, family, or colleagues about the situation.

• Use a personal safety app like bSafe or Noonlight for additional security.

4. Seek Help: Reach out to local law enforcement, campus safety offices, or organizations like the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC). A restraining order may also be an option, depending on your situation.

Having the Right Defensive Tools

In addition to being vigilant, having the right tools to defend yourself can make all the difference. Our partner, Hero Defense Systems, offers innovative, non-lethal self-defense weapons that provide peace of mind and a practical way to protect yourself in threatening situations. Their products are designed to empower women to take control of their personal safety without the risks associated with traditional firearms.

You can check out our joint video on stalking here.

The Power of Awareness

Stalking is about power and control, but you can reclaim your agency by staying vigilant and proactive. As emphasized in our book, Street Smart Safety for Women: Your Guide to Defensive Living, being aware and having a plan that includes defensive tools is the first step toward safety.

Trending: The Search for Ways to Harm Women

Over the past 20 years, the term "how to harm women" has been an actual search query on Google. From around the world. Let that sink in.

Even more disturbing? It's trending upward—sharply—over the last two years, reaching the top of the Google chart and illustrating the high interest.

Why are people searching this? Who are they targeting? And how is this dark curiosity feeding into real-world violence?

This trend isn’t just alarming—it’s a call to action. It highlights the rise of digital tools and communities that are contributing to violence against women and girls, normalizing dangerous behaviors. As we’ve said before, misogyny has weaponized technology.

What can we do about it? It starts with awareness and action:

• Raise awareness about the warning signs of abusive or predatory behavior.

• Hold platforms accountable for their role in amplifying harmful content.

• Empower women and allies with tools to recognize and navigate danger.

Safety isn’t a luxury or a privilege. It’s a basic human right.

Dangerous Narrative: “Perfect Perpetrator”

When it comes to violence, society often squints at the victim, especially women: Her behavior, her history, and especially her choices. Why was she doing in the wrong place at the wrong time? She should know better. Did she know her attacker? How was she dressed? Wait…was she drinking? This obsession with creating the "perfect victim" — one who checks every box that society deems worthy of sympathy — perpetuates dangerous myths that displace responsibility and worst of all, minimizes the reality of violence against women.

But let’s flip the script: if there’s no such thing as a "perfect victim," then why do we allow the myth of the "perfect perpetrator?”

Reveal: The Perfect Perpetrator Doesn’t Exist

Perpetrators are continually construed as cold, calculating, anonymous monsters who commit their crimes in a vacuum, completely divorced from their past – and us. Yet, when the focus shifts to actual people and their histories, it’s a different story. Suddenly, we hear about their troubled childhoods, mental health struggles, or financial stressors. We’re called to sympathize with them. These narratives are calculated to humanize the offender and, in many cases, justify their actions or argue for leniency.

Take the case of Gisele Pelicot in France. Almost every one of the 51 perpetrators on trial for the rape of a drugged woman ridiculously claimed they, too, were victims — of their upbringing, neglect, or even of Gisele’s ex-husband who advertised online soliciting for just the crimes that they committed. Many went so far as to claim that what they did wasn’t rape, still attempting to minimize their own involvement.

Even her ex-husband’s attorney attempted to scrape the last remnants of sympathy off of the ground, lamenting how “It will be difficult to tell a 72-year-old man that he will have to spend the rest of his life in prison” - as though he were somehow stricken with an illness, and not the perpetrator of hundreds of horrific crimes against his wife of 50 years. And the French court seemed to buy into it, meting out absurd sentences compared to the crimes they committed, some as little as time served. The irony is mind-blowing: while victims are often denied the right to be flawed or complicated, perpetrators are given the benefit of the doubt, their pasts mined for reasons to reduce culpability.

Why Do We Excuse Violence?

The idea that a person’s difficult childhood or life struggles can justify or explain away their abusive/violent behavior taps into a broader issue: the need to rationalize violence in ways that let the rest of us feel safe. If we can pin violence on external factors — childhood abuse, addiction, poverty — then we can convince ourselves that "normal" people aren’t capable of committing such acts.

This is a false narrative that provides false comfort. And it leads to dangerous implications:

1. Excusing Predatory Behavior: Framing perpetrators as victims of circumstance shifts responsibility away from their actions and onto abstract concepts like "society" or "bad luck."

2. Erosion of Accountability: Acknowledging someone’s difficult past is one thing, but using it to absolve them of consequences is entirely another. By doing so, we send the message that personal hardships excuse harming others.

3. Dehumanizing Victims: For every perpetrator given the benefit of the doubt, there’s a victim whose humanity is overshadowed. We focus on the offender’s hardships while ignoring the irrevocable harm that they did to their target.

The Double Standard of Compassion

Victims of violence, particularly women, are rarely extended the same grace. If a victim struggles with addiction, poverty, or mental health, these factors are often used to discredit her. Yet when the tables are turned, perpetrators are lauded as "complex" individuals whose struggles demand our empathy.

This double standard reveals a deep bias: we are more inclined to empathize with those who commit violence than with those who survive it. This isn’t accidental. It’s a product of patriarchal norms that have historically framed men as rational actors and women as irrational beings, blaming women for their own victimization while excusing men for their aggression.

It’s Time to Break the Cycle

To challenge the myth of the "perfect perpetrator," we have to reframe how we think about accountability and compassion:

1. Accountability Is Not Vengeance: Holding someone accountable for their actions doesn’t mean ignoring their humanity. It means recognizing that their issues don’t entitle them to harm others.

2. Center Victims’ Voices: For every story about a perpetrator’s troubled past, there is a victim whose story is equally — if not more — important. Media coverage, court proceedings, and public discussion must prioritize the harm that was done to the victim over the “hardships” endured by the offender, ostensibly since their birth.

3. Reject Binary Thinking: Every human is complex, with various shades of grey depending on the day, and no one is wholly good or evil. However, this human complexity doesn’t excuse actions that harm other people. Acknowledge nuance without minimizing harm.

Shifting Focus to Where It Belongs

The myth of the "perfect perpetrator" is a dangerous narrative that allows violence to flourish unchecked. By shifting our focus away from excusing offenders and toward supporting survivors, we can begin to dismantle this harmful framework.

Society has long demanded perfection from victims, setting them up to fail. It’s time we held perpetrators to a higher standard, one that recognizes their humanity without diminishing their responsibility. Only then can we hope to create a culture where accountability and compassion coexist — and where violence is no longer excused by the “imperfections” of the perpetrator.

From Cliques to Communities: Powerful Women

When you hear the word "clique," you might picture a group of women huddled together at a high school lunch table, whispering and casting side-eyes at anyone daring to approach. But cliques don’t have to be exclusionary or mean. In fact, they can serve as a powerful force for good—especially when it comes to women’s safety.

Let’s flip the script on cliques and talk about not only protecting members of the group but also extending your influence to help others. Think of them less as gated communities and more as circles of support, and yes, empowerment. Here’s how we can make that happen.

Why Women Gravitate Toward Cliques

Before diving into the how, let’s talk about the why. And although anyone can be part of a clique, they’re primarily associated with women. So why are so many women drawn to cliques in the first place? It comes down to the need to belong. We all want to belong, and our friends provide that. Whether it’s a book club, a gym squad, or a group chat with your closest friends, these circles feel safe in a chaotic world.

The problem comes up when cliques become exclusionary, and believe me, they don’t stop at high school. If the focus is on keeping others out, the dynamics of the group devolve into toxicity. But what if we reframe cliques as tight, supportive communities, where they serve as a literal and figurative safety net for women.

How Cliques Can Keep Women Safe

1. The Buddy System on Steroids

Remember the buddy system from summer camp? It’s still one of the best ways to stay safe. Cliques can be an expanded version of this model. Whether you’re going out for a night on the town or traveling, there’s nothing like having a squad that has your back.

2. Sharing Safety Resources

Your clique can be a hub for safety tips and resources. Share apps like bSafe or Noonlight that can provide an added layer of protection. Discuss self-defense classes or even simple tips like watching your drink at the bar. The more you know, the safer you are—and cliques are a perfect space to share that knowledge.

3. Raising Awareness

Cliques often have strong influence within their circles and beyond. Use that power to raise awareness about women’s safety issues. Start up conversations about drink spiking, coercive control, or online safety. The more your group talks about these topics, the more likely you are to create a ripple effect.

Encouraging Cliques to Help Others

Once your clique has its own safety game locked down, it’s time to look out to others. You can extend your influence to help other women:

1. Be Inclusive

Safety isn’t just for the inner circle—it’s for everyone. If you notice a woman at a bar or event who looks uncomfortable or alone, invite her into your group for the evening. Sometimes, just knowing someone is looking out for her can make a huge difference.

2. Start a “Safe Haven” Network

Encourage your group to establish a reputation as a safe haven for others. Maybe it’s letting younger women in your office know they can come to you if they’re dealing with harassment. Maybe it’s offering to walk someone to their car after an event. Small gestures can have a huge impact.

3. Advocate for Change

Cliques can be powerful platforms for advocacy. Work together to support local women’s shelters, petition for better safety measures in your community, or host workshops on topics like self-defense or spotting red flags in relationships. The key is to use your group’s energy to create real change.

Balancing Safety and Empowerment

The most important thing to remember is that safety doesn’t mean living in fear. It means being prepared, staying aware, and helping others do the same. Cliques have a unique opportunity to create environments where women feel both protected and empowered.

Here are a few ways to keep that balance:

• Stay Vigilant Without Paranoia: Share safety tips, but don’t let fear dominate your group’s dynamic.

• Lift Each Other Up: Celebrate each other’s strengths and successes. A supportive group is an empowering group.

• Practice Compassion: Be kind to others, even outside your clique. Remember, women’s safety is a collective effort.

The Ripple Effect of Empowered Cliques

When women come together, incredible things happen. By transforming cliques into safety-focused communities, we can create a ripple effect that goes far beyond the group itself. Women supporting women is a powerful force, and it starts with small, intentional actions.

So the next time you’re with your squad, think about how you can use your influence for good. Whether it’s keeping an eye out for each other on a night out, sharing safety tips, or extending your circle to someone in need, your clique can be so much more than a social group—it can be a lifeline.

Because when cliques stop excluding and start empowering, everybody wins.

5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Fight Violence Against Women

Let’s get real — violence against women is a global crisis. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 women worldwide has experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. And in the U.S. alone, nearly 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physically violence or stalking by an intimate partner. These aren’t just numbers—they’re people’s lives that are disrupted, their futures stolen, and potential crushed.

Does this feel overwhelming? It can feel that way. But the truth is, tackling this issue doesn’t require superpowers or big bank accounts (of which we have neither).

But there are practical steps that you can take today to help make the world safer for women. Here are five of them:

1. Call Out Misogyny—No More Passes

Misogyny thrives on silence. When someone cracks a sexist joke or dismisses a woman’s experience, it’s easy to brush it off. Don’t. The small stuff adds up to a culture that normalizes harm.

🛠 Pro Tip: Keep it simple. A quick, “Not cool,” or “What do you mean by that?” can shut it down without drama.

📊 Did You Know? An American Journal of Preventative Medicine study found that bystander-based programs have shown promise to reduce sexual violence and related forms of interpersonal violence. Silence? Not so much.

2. Be an Active Ally to Survivors

Survivors of violence often feel isolated and unsupported. You can change that. Whether it’s donating to shelters, offering a ride to a counseling appointment, or simply listening without judgment, your support matters more than you know.

🛠 Pro Tip: Set up a recurring donation to a local domestic violence shelter—it doesn’t have to break the bank to make a difference.

📊 Stat Alert: The majority of survivors’ unmet requests (54%) are for emergency shelter, hotels, motels, transitional housing, and other housing because many programs are still underfunded.

3. Get Smart and Spread the Word

Not sure what trauma bonding or coercive control looks like? Time to hit Google or our website. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to help someone—or even recognize red flags in your own life. Knowledge is power, and sharing it is contagious.

🛠 Pro Tip: Share a podcast or article about abusive dynamics in your group chats. It’s low effort, high impact.

📊 Quick Fact: Coercive control occurs in up to 58% of Intimate Partner Violent (IPV) relationships.

4. Use Tech to Fight Back

For all its flaws, technology can be a lifesaver—literally. Personal safety apps like Noonlight, bSafe, and even Apple’s Emergency SOS are designed to keep you connected in dangerous situations.

🛠 Pro Tip: Download one of these apps and share it with someone you care about. Better yet, set it up for them—it only takes a few minutes.

📊 Reality Check: 85% of women globally have experienced online harassment or witnessed it against other women. Sharing safety tools and tips can help combat tech-enabled abuse.

5. Demand Change—Loudly

Think calling your representative is a waste of time? Think again. Lawmakers need to hear from you. Whether it’s pushing for stronger anti-stalking laws, increased funding for shelters, or protections against workplace harassment, your voice matters.

🛠 Pro Tip: Don’t know where to start? Organizations like RAINN and the National Network to End Domestic Violence make it easy to send pre-written letters to your representatives.

📊 Did You Know? Increased public pressure has led to 29 states strengthening domestic violence laws in the past decade. Your voice can help drive more change.

The Bottom Line

We all have a role to play in creating a safer world for women. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing up. By calling out misogyny, supporting survivors, educating yourself, leveraging technology, and advocating for systemic change, you can be part of the solution.

🎤 Your Turn: Which of these steps will you take first? Action is everything.

What is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviors where one person tries to dominate and control every aspect of their partner’s life. They use manipulation, fear, and emotional tactics to take away someone’s freedom and independence. It can be hard to spot, because we’re used to looking for physical abuse, but it’s just as damaging.

Think of it as an invisible cage—one where the bars are made of rules, restrictions, and constant pressure to please the other person. Over time, this control can make you feel trapped, powerless, and even unsure of your own thoughts and feelings. But when you recognize the signs, you’ll be less likely to become a victim.

Other Words to Describe Coercive Control

Coercive control goes by a lot of names, but they all boil down to the same thing: someone trying to control you. Here are some other terms that help describe it:

• Manipulative Control: Using guilt, lies, or subtle pressure to get you to do what they want.

• Emotional Domination: Controlling your feelings and decisions by playing on your emotions.

• Psychological Abuse: Tearing down your confidence or making you doubt yourself.

• Controlling Behavior: Dictating your actions, choices, or relationships.

• Mental Abuse: Using words, attitudes, or silence to manipulate and hurt.

Signs of Coercive Control

Coercive control can be hard to spot, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But here are some warning signs to watch for:

1. Isolation

• They discourage you from spending time with friends or family.

• They might say things like, “I just don’t trust your friends,” or, “Why do you need anyone else when you have me?”

2. Monitoring Your Life

• They want to know where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing at all times.

• They might check your phone, track your location, or demand passwords.

3. Controlling Your Appearance

• They criticize your clothes, makeup, or hairstyle, saying, “You’d look better if you wore this,” or, “You’re trying to attract attention.”

4. Guilt-Tripping

• They use emotional pressure to make you comply, saying things like, “If you loved me, you’d do this for me.”

5. Financial Control

• They might take over your finances or discourage you from working or studying so you rely on them completely.

6. Threats and Intimidation

• They might smash objects, raise their voice, or threaten to hurt themselves if you don’t do what they want.

How Coercive Control Affects You

Coercive control is designed to make you feel powerless. Over time, it can break down your confidence, make you doubt yourself, and even make you feel responsible for the abuse. You might feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid conflict.

Young women are especially at risk because you may be just starting to date seriously or are away from home for the first time. And abusers know this. So they target kind, trusting, and inexperienced people who may not recognize the warning signs right away.

Why Coercive Control is Hard to Spot

At first, coercive control might just look like love or concern. Someone who texts constantly to "check in" might seem caring, but over time, this behavior can cross the line into controlling territory.

Abusers often use a tactic called love bombing in the beginning—showering you with attention, compliments, and gifts. Then once they’ve gained your trust, they’ll slowly start to control you, making it harder for you to notice what’s happening.

How to Recognize Coercive or Emotional Abuse in Conversations

Sometimes, coercive control shows up in texts, calls, or everyday conversations. If you’re unsure whether someone’s behavior crosses the line, a helpful resource is AimeeSays.com. It’s a free, anonymous tool that can analyze whether texts or interactions show signs of coercive control or emotional abuse. If you’re feeling unsure or confused about a relationship, it’s worth checking out.

How to Protect Yourself

If any of this feels familiar, don’t ignore it. Here are some ways to protect yourself:

1. Trust Your Instincts

• If something feels off, listen to that inner voice. You don’t owe anyone your obedience or silence.

2. Stay Connected

• Keep talking to friends, family, or anyone you trust. Isolation is one of an abuser’s strongest tools.

3. Educate Yourself

• Learn the signs of coercive control so you can spot them early and take action.

4. Use Resources

• Websites like AimeeSays.com or hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) are there to help.

You Deserve a Safe and Respectful Relationship

Coercive control isn’t love—it’s abuse. Relationships should feel safe, supportive, and empowering, not suffocating or manipulative. And if you’re experiencing coercive control or emotional domination, know that you’re not alone and help is available. You deserve a relationship where you’re free to be yourself, without fear or pressure.

Stay strong, trust your instincts, and never hesitate to reach out for support. You’re worth it.

The Top Three Issues of Violence Against Women in 2024

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

Every year on November 25, we observe the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women—a blunt reminder of the continuing battle for women's safety and dignity worldwide. And despite decades of activism and progress, violence is increasing, fueled by weaponized technology. In 2024, three critical issues stand out.

1. The Rise of Technology-Enabled Abuse

In 2024, misogyny continues to weaponize technology. Perpetrators are leveraging advanced tech to stalk, harass, and control women like never before. From spyware apps secretly installed on devices to AI-powered tools used to create deepfake pornography, technology continues to be a weapon of abuse.

Social media platforms have also become hunting grounds for predators. Women are targeted with revenge porn, sextortion scams, and relentless online harassment. Emerging content on platforms like TikTok and YouTube—dubbed “dark psychology” tutorials—teaches coercion tactics, enabling abusers to manipulate and control their victims.

Domestic abuse survivors increasingly discover spyware on their phones, installed by partners to track her every move. This violation of privacy leave victims feeling powerless, highlighting how technology can amplify abusers' reach.

To address this, tech companies must be held accountable for safeguarding women on their platforms. Governments need to implement stricter regulations on spyware and AI tools while investing in education to teach women how to protect themselves digitally.

2. Intimate Partner Violence and Coercive Control

Intimate partner violence (IPV) remains one of the most widespread and devastating forms of violence against women. According to the U.N. “Over five women or girls are killed every hour worldwide by someone in their own family. And no country is within reach of eradicating intimate partner violence.” In 2024, coercive control—a form of psychological violence where abusers manipulate, isolate, and dominate their partners—is finally receiving increased attention and regulation by state legislators, but not enough.

Unlike overt physical violence, coercive control and psychological violence can be subtle, making it harder for victims to identify and for law enforcement to address. It includes tactics such as financial abuse, restricting communication with friends and family, and constant surveillance. This year, economic challenges have exacerbated IPV, as financial dependence traps many women in abusive relationships.

For example, Maria*, a single mother, shared her story of financial abuse where her partner controlled all household finances, leaving her unable to leave despite the escalating emotional and physical abuse. Stories like Maria’s are painfully common.

Again, this is an issue that governments must address. But we can all work toward raising awareness surrounding coercive control and spreading information on accessible resources, such as emergency housing and financial aid for survivors. Legal systems in the U.S. need to recognize and criminalize coercive control, as several countries, including the UK and Australia, have begun to do.

3. Sexual Violence and the Accountability Gap

Despite growing awareness, sexual violence continues to plague universities, workplaces, and public spaces. Cases of sexual assault on college campuses remain alarmingly high, with institutions often failing to hold perpetrators accountable. High-profile incidents, such as the mishandling of Clery Act violations at major universities, reveal systemic gaps in protecting survivors.

Beyond educational institutions, workplaces are also under scrutiny. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor, women account for 72.5 percent of all nonfatal workplace violence cases. And harassment remains rampant in industries with unequal gender representation. Women reporting abuse often face retaliation, public shaming, or disbelief, deterring others from coming forward.

One stark example is the case of Sarah (not her real name), who reported sexual harassment by her supervisor, only to face demotion and isolation within her team. Her experience underscores how systemic failures discourage survivors from seeking justice.

This accountability gap also extends to the legal system, where lengthy trials and lenient sentences for offenders perpetuate the cycle of violence. Addressing this issue requires legislative reform, including survivor-centered reporting processes, stricter enforcement of workplace harassment laws, and accountability for organizations that fail to act.

Looking Ahead

These issues—technology-facilitated abuse, intimate partner violence, and sexual violence—highlight the growing challenges women face in 2024. But they also present with opportunity for change. We’re working toward a future where violence against women is no longer a daily reality and invite you to join us.

Dark Winter Nights: Stay Safe

As the days grow shorter and the nights stretch longer, the shift from daylight to dark winter nights can bring emotional and physical challenges—especially for women. You may not realize the effects that those long nights can have on your mental well-being, nor the advantage of cover that it provides for potential predators.

Here’s what to look for and some ways that you can keep yourself safe:

Physical Dangers

1. Increased Risk of Crime Longer hours of darkness provide cover for potential predators, making it critical to stay more aware when out walking, commuting, or even running errands. Women are disproportionately targeted in these situations, and precautions can decrease your chances of becoming a target:

• Stay Visible: Wear light colored clothing or carry a small flashlight.

• Carry Defensive Tools: Keep pepper gel, pepper spray or a tactical pen with you.

• Use Technology: Personal safety apps like Noonlight, bSafe or the features on your phone that provide your GPS location to trusted contacts can provide an extra layer of security.

• Trust Your Safety Intuition: If something feels off, it probably is. So many women minimize those feelings. Pay attention to them and take action immediately to remove yourself from situations that you feel are unsafe.

2. Weather Hazards Dark and icy roads are a double whammy for winter commuters. So, whether you're driving or walking, prepare for the season:

• Invest in winter tires if you drive in snowy conditions.

• Keep a portable charger, flares and emergency kit in your car.

• Wear appropriate footgear to avoid slips and falls (especially women)!

Mental Health Challenges

But winter darkness doesn’t just affect your physical safety—it can weigh heavily on your mental health. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) impacts millions, but 80% of those affected are women.

• Recognize the Signs: SAD is more than just "winter blues." Symptoms include persistent sadness, fatigue, irritability, and a craving for carbs (seriously).

• Light Therapy Can Help: A light therapy box that mimics natural sunlight can do wonders for improving mood and regulating sleep patterns.

• Maintain Your Connections: Darkness can feel isolating. So, make a conscious effort to connect with your friends and loved ones, whether it’s through a coffee date or even a quick phone call.

Strategies for Winter Health

• Stick to a Routine: Keeping consistent sleep and wake times can regulate your internal clock, even when the days are shorter and grey skies are longer.

• Exercise Regularly: Movement isn’t just good for your body—it’s essential for mental clarity and mood stabilization. Bonus: Exercising outdoors can give you a dose of daylight.

• Set Boundaries for Self-Care: Although winter seems to be the season of saying 'yes' to everyone and everything, staying focused on your priorities by setting boundaries and protecting your energy are key to your well-being

Lighting Up the Path Ahead

Darkness doesn’t have to define winter. And by taking proactive steps to safeguard your physical and mental well-being, you can shine your own light in the shadows.

3 Stages of Dealing with Overwhelm

Are you feeling overwhelmed? In today’s turbulent environment, you might feel that a lot. Whether it’s personal trauma, global instability, or the constant churn of demands on our time and energy (especially for women), the weight of it all might leave you feeling stuck. But there’s a way through it—and it often involves passing through three stages: despair, anger, and peace.

Stage 1: Despair – The Weight of Overwhelm

Despair is the first stop when overwhelm takes hold. It’s the emotional equivalent of being underwater—everything feels heavy, and the idea of moving forward seems impossible. This stage can manifest as paralysis, self-doubt, or even hopelessness.

Key takeaway: Allow yourself to feel despair without judgment. This stage is not weakness; it’s your mind and body acknowledging that something isn’t right. And suppressing despair only prolongs the pain. Sit with it, journal about it, or talk it out with someone you trust. The mere act of naming what feels overwhelming can lighten its grip.

Stage 2: Anger – Fire That Fuels Change

Once despair starts to lift, anger often takes its place. While anger might seem like a step backward, and a lot of people view anger negatively, it’s actually a sign of progress. Where despair is heavy and stagnant, anger is active. It’s your internal fire reigniting, signaling that something needs to shift. Anger is actually my favorite emotion because it’s fueled a lot of change throughout my life.

Key takeaway:. The key is to channel anger constructively. Instead of lashing out or letting it fester, ask yourself: What is this anger telling me? What action can I take? Anger demands change – and movement So whether it’s setting boundaries, advocating for change, or simply shouting into a pillow, anger can be the fuel you need to start moving forward.

Stage 3: Peace – Calm After the Storm

Peace doesn’t mean the absence of problems. It’s the acceptance that while challenges remain, you’ve found a way to move forward without being consumed by them. Peace is when you’ve processed the emotions of despair and anger and emerged with clarity, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Key takeaway: Peace isn’t a permanent destination—it’s a practice. It must be cultivated. Meditation, gratitude journaling, or simply taking a few minutes of silence throughout each day can help you maintain this center of calm through the seeming hurricane amid of life’s chaos.

How These Stages Interact

Keep in mind, that these stages aren’t linear. You might cycle between them or experience all three in a single day. Despair can give way to anger, and anger can provide the energy needed to find peace. But peace isn’t the “end” of the journey—it’s the intentional pause that equips you to face the next wave of challenges with greater strength and clarity.

Applying This Process to Today’s Environment

In a world where uncertainty has become the norm, moving through overwhelm requires self-compassion and patience. Here’s how to use these stages practically:

• Acknowledge despair when uncertainty feels unbearable. It’s okay to admit, “This is hard.”

• Leverage anger as a motivator for action, whether that’s changing your routine, advocating for change, or simply taking control of one small aspect of your life.

• Cultivate peace as a daily practice, not a final goal. Find moments of joy or stillness even in turbulent times.

If You’re Healing from Trauma

If you’ve experienced trauma, this process can help you rebuild. Despair acknowledges the pain, anger recognizes the injustice or harm, and peace allows you to integrate the experience into a narrative that doesn’t define you but empowers you. Remember that healing isn’t linear, and seeking professional support can make all the difference.

A Final Thought

Moving through overwhelm is not about avoiding difficult feelings; it’s about acknowledging them and navigating your way through them. In the face of uncertainty or trauma, managing the three stages of despair, anger, and peace provides a roadmap to resilience. Trust the process and trust yourself. Peace is closer than you think.

Have you experienced these stages in your journey through overwhelm? I’d love to hear how you’ve moved through them and what strategies have helped you.

Post-Traumatic Growth: Taking Back Power in a World That Needs Change

When people have been traumatized and subsequently suffer from PTSD, they often wonder if they’ll ever be the same again. From my perspective, the answer is sadly no. Because it’s physically impossible. We really can’t be the same because trauma actually rewires the brain. But for many people who have suffered from the often-unimaginable pain from trauma, there is another path—one that doesn’t just mean survival, but transformation. This phenomenon, known as post-traumatic growth (PTG) means reclaiming your story and then turning adversity into an unparalleled source of strength, not just for yourself, but also for others.

Understanding Post-Traumatic Growth

It’s important to understand that PTG doesn’t erase the trauma or replaces the pain. Instead, it is a profound shift, where you develop an even deeper personal strength, find new purpose, and an enhanced gratitude for life. In essence, you are rewiring your brain yourself. But it’s also crucial to realize that PTG is not a given after trauma. The trauma victim needs time to process the certain pain that comes from victimization and tragedy, and to absorb and their new reality. This process takes time to develop and can’t be willed into existence, but it can be cultivated through resilience, support, and rejection of shame.

Gisele Pelicot Shows the Way

The recent case of Gisele Pelicot in France has gained an international spotlight, not only for the horrific brutality she endured at the hands of her husband and dozens of anonymous men, but also for her courage in rejecting anonymity and holding not only her perpetrators responsible, but also the French judiciary. And doing so on behalf of so many other victims. Ms. Pelicot’s story reveals the massive chasms in the protections “supposedly” designed to safeguard women, but too often shield predators. This 71-year-old grandmother is single-handedly taking on the “system” and holding the French judicial system to account on behalf of all rape victims. She is demonstrating the compelling need for global structural change to genuinely prioritize victim safety and justice.

Gisele’s resilience stands as a powerful example of post-traumatic growth. While her case underscores the horrific trauma she is facing, it also serves as a call to action—highlighting that when institutions fail, it is the survivors’ voices that push for reforms and inspire change.

Mental Health Support: Backbone of Growth

For post-traumatic growth to occur, mental health support is paramount. Individuals (particularly women as our trauma is often minimized, overlooked and mocked) navigating the aftermath of trauma need accessible, empathetic care that prioritizes our well-being. This means trained trauma-informed professionals who not only understand the psychological impacts but also the practical realities of rebuilding after trauma. Supporting their journey with therapy, community resources, and peer networks creates the groundwork for PTG.

Rejecting Shame and Self-Blame

Perhaps most importantly, Gisèle Pelicot's stance of "I've decided not to be ashamed, I've done nothing wrong" is the powerful example we need of a woman holding her head high, trusting herself and rejecting societal inclinations to victim blame. Her attitude reinforces the importance of women trusting and honoring our own experiences and emotions, rather than internalizing shame or doubt imposed by others.

 Systemic Change is Crucial

Empowering individual survivors is vital, but it is not enough. Gisèles story and others like hers must compel society to rethink the structures in place. Laws, protections, and judicial processes must evolve to reflect the lived realities of women who have survived violence. True progress only happens when survivor voices inform policy and change is driven by empathy and understanding.

Turning Pain into Advocacy

Women who experience post-traumatic growth often become advocates for change, channeling their hard-earned wisdom into movements that reshape societal attitudes and norms. They remind us that from the depths of pain, incredible power can rise—power that fuels reform, educates the next generation, and pushes for a world where fewer women face such trauma in the first place.

Post-traumatic growth isn’t about ignoring trauma—it’s about acknowledging its profound impact and making the choice to build from it, as Gisèle Pelicot is doing. It’s about empowering women to use our voices, support one another, and demand better from the systems meant to protect us. In a world desperately in need of change, turning pain into power isn’t just an act of resilience; it’s a revolutionary step toward collective healing, progress and power.

Domestic Abuse: Dating Red Flags

Many people seem to think that domestic violence and abuse happen out of the blue. They don’t realize that domestic abuse is a pattern—and it can start as early as the first date. The tricky part is that some of these warning signs can easily be mistaken for attraction or passion. But the good news? If you know what to look for, these red flags become easier to spot. But keep in mind, it’s not about one or two isolated behaviors: it’s about noticing the patterns or a combination of behaviors.  

Known as coercive control, here are ten behaviors that, in combination, could be early warning flags of a potential abuser on a date:

1. Excessive Charm and Intensity: At first, they might appear extremely charming, showering you with attention, gifts, and compliments. While it might seem flattering, this intense focus is often a tactic to create a false sense of security and rush the relationship. In this case, it isn’t love, it’s love-bombing.

2. Pushing Boundaries: They may push physical, emotional, or conversational boundaries early on. For example, oversharing about past relationships, probing into deeply personal topics or pressuring for physical intimacy. Respect for boundaries is key in any relationship; their disregard is a red flag.

3. Control Disguised as Concern: They might express excessive concern for your safety or wellbeing, but it's actually a method of control. For instance, insisting on knowing your whereabouts at all times under the guise of "protection" can escalate into full-blown monitoring.

4. Isolation Tactics: Early attempts to isolate you from friends or family, often through subtle comments like, "They don't appreciate you as much as I do" or "I just want to spend time with you, not them." This behavior indicates a desire to dominate your social circles.

5. Quick to Commit: Rushing into commitment—talking about moving in together, marriage, or even suggesting that "it’s fate"—is often a way to quickly establish control before the other person sees the real them. Healthy relationships take time to develop.

6. Blame and Victimization: Watch for self-victimizing behavior, especially blaming their past failed relationships on "crazy" or "unstable" ex-partners. This narrative suggests an inability to take responsibility for their actions and may hint at an abusive history.

7. Jealousy and Possessiveness: Excessive jealousy and possessiveness are often framed as signs of love but are rooted in control. Monitoring who you talk to, your social media, or even casual interactions with others are strong indicators of possessive behavior.

8. Mood Swings: Rapid and unexplained mood swings, particularly sudden outbursts of anger or frustration, can signal underlying emotional instability. This volatility often intensifies over time, leading to a more hostile and dangerous environment.

9. Testing Your Reactions: They might test your tolerance for unacceptable behavior through "jokes" or "accidental" actions (e.g., making a hurtful comment and then claiming it was just a joke). Your reactions help them gauge how far they can push your boundaries.

10. Overreaction to Rejection: Pay attention to how they handle "no." Abusers often struggle with any form of rejection, reacting with anger, guilt-tripping, or manipulative tactics to change your decision. A healthy partner respects your boundaries without argument.

If you notice that your date shows a number of these behaviors, break it off. Right now. It isn’t going to get any better and is guaranteed to get worse. As they become more comfortable over time and realize that you’ll put up with these behaviors, you will be the one bearing the brunt of this person’s problems. And even though they seem really charming now, that charm is a facade. Please don’t become a statistic.

The Courage of Cassie and Gisèle Pélicot

Trigger Warning: Violent Content

Two horrific stories of domestic violence in the U.S and France may finally transform the culture of shaming, blaming and silencing victims. In the words of one of the victims: “Shame must change sides.”

Cassie Ventura and Gisèle Pélicot are women who come from completely different walks of life, yet their stories are both almost unimaginable in the horror and scope of sexual violence and rape inflicted on them by their respective former partners. Yet both are using their horrific stories to hold their former partners accountable, and they are holding their heads high while doing so. Not only in court, but the most public forums possible. They are refusing to bend to society’s insistence of silence and are using their stories to encourage other victims to speak up and to put the shame where it belongs: on the perpetrators.

Owning Your Power

Cassie Ventura

Consider the case of Cassandra “Cassie” Ventura, a 38-year-old American singer and model, who filed a civil suit against her former partner, powerful media billionaire Sean “Diddy” Combs under the New York Adult Survivor’s Act, (a one-year window that suspended the statute of limitations on sexual abuse and allowed victims to file suit against their perpetrators.) In her lawsuit, Cassie claimed years of physical violence and mental abuse during her ten-year relationship with Combs. The details are heinous: beating, locking her up in hotel rooms for days so that she could heal from the beatings, rape, coercion, administering her with copious amounts of drugs, intimidation, and causing an unrelenting fear for her life. Cassie has said that “She has required intensive medical and psychological care to recover from the trauma she lived through.” She adds, “Domestic Violence is THE issue. It broke me down to someone I never thought I would become. With a lot of hard work, I am better today, but I will always be recovering from my past. My only ask is that EVERYONE open your heart to believing victims the first time. It takes a lot of heart to tell the truth out of a situation that you were powerless in. I offer my hand to those that are still living in fear. Reach out to your people, don’t cut them off. No one should carry this weight alone.”

No one knows better than Cassie herself how powerful and dangerous Diddy is. But despite all of that, she showed tremendous bravery in filing the suit, coming forward against one of the world’s most powerful men. The suit was settled a day later, indicating that Cassie brought receipts/evidence. After she filed suit, ten more individuals also filed suit and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security recently arrested Diddy and charged him in a “Three count indictment with racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking, and transportation to engage in prostitution.”. He currently sits in jail and has been denied bail.

Gisèle Pélicot

On the other side of the spectrum, in almost every way - 72-year-old Gisèle Pélicot (mother of 3 and grandmother of 7) is currently testifying in Avignon, France against her husband of 50 years. 71-year-old Dominique Pélicot is accused of administering anti-anxiety drugs to Gisele over a period of almost a decade, from 2011 to 2020. While she was unconscious, he would rape her and recruited other men he met online to come to their family home and do the same. She has said she spent years speaking to doctors about unexplained amnesia, not realizing her husband was drugging her regularly. He has admitted to drugging her into the state of a “deep coma” and inviting over 80 strangers he met in online chatrooms to rape her. He also videoed the encounters. “Only” 50 other men could be identified from the videos, ranging in age from 26 – 74. Police continue to search for dozens of other rapists. Far from the glamorous lifestyle of Diddy, this occurred in a small town in France, where “everyone knows at least one man involved.” A rape trial in France — and many other countries — would usually be held in a closed court, but not this time. Because Ms. Pélicot has waived her right to anonymity as an alleged victim of sexual assault, instead insisting that the shame must shift from victim to abuser. She wants the allegations spoken of loudly and widely. As she has said: “Shame must change sides.”

From Victim-Blaming to Empowerment

In coming forward, these courageous women are demanding a cultural shift. They are reclaiming their power by rejecting the outdated and harmful narratives that have long fueled victim-blaming. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage to speak out, especially when the world is quick to judge.

The courage to speak is not just about finding the strength within; it’s about changing the world outside. These women are starting conversations about consent, boundaries, and the mechanisms of control that abusers use. They are challenging systems that excuse or minimize the impact of abuse, including the legal, media, and social frameworks that often protect perpetrators.

The Ripple Effect of Courage

Courage is contagious. As more women step forward, they inspire others to do the same. They’re not just telling their stories; they’re actively transforming the culture around abuse and assault. Each woman who speaks out contributes to a growing movement that demands accountability and justice. The message is clear: Victims are not responsible for the actions of their abusers.

In honor of all the women who refuse to be silenced: your courage is changing the world.

We hope that these two brave women are finally starting the needed shift. They refuse to be silenced in the face of abuse, rape, and violence. They are pushing back against the age-old culture of victim-shaming and are redefining what it means to stand up to abuse. 

Hidden Genius Behind FBI Profiling: The Legacy of Ann Burgess

When I think of criminal profiling, it’s easy to picture iconic fictional figures like Clarice Starling from The Silence of the Lambs or Holden Ford from Netflix’s Mindhunter. But it turns out that there is a real-life genius behind both of these characters whose work has literally changed the world: Dr. Ann Burgess.

The Unsung Hero of Criminal Profiling Also Raised Four Children

Dr. Burgess, a renowned psychiatric nurse and researcher, has had an immense impact on the field of criminal profiling. In the 1970s, she was personally recruited by the FBI to develop some of the earliest studies on violent criminals, helping to shape how we understand and track serial offenders today. The FBI was impressed with her work interviewing rape victims and categorizing the data, which at the time was basically ignored by law enforcement. But that wasn’t her only job! It was her side gig. At the same time that she was codifying serial killer behavior patterns, Burgess also continued serving as the Dean of Nursing Studies at Boston College—and raising four young children.

Dr. Ann Burgess (Compliments of Hulu)

Balancing her academic leadership and groundbreaking research with her role as a mother speaks volumes about Dr. Burgess’ dedication, resilience, and ability to manage multiple high-stakes responsibilities at once.

Dr. Burgess brought empirical research into the fold, providing the FBI with the ability to categorize tangible data on patterns of behavior among violent criminals, especially in cases of sexual violence and murder. And while her insights and groundbreaking research were instrumental in shaping the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit (BSU), solving dozens of crimes and saving countless lives, the Bureau itself has rarely acknowledged her contributions publicly.

Why Didn't the FBI Recognize Her Work?

While the FBI has been famous for the likes of John Douglas and Robert Ressler—former agents who worked alongside Burgess—her absence from public recognition raises questions. Why didn’t the Bureau fully credit her work in criminal profiling?

Women are all too familiar with the answer. The FBI has been male-dominated, making it difficult for women, especially an academic, to receive due credit in a field historically viewed as a boys' club. And although Dr. Burgess wasn't an FBI agent herself, her psychological expertise developed hundreds of interviews with rape victims was indispensable. She was able to match both halves of the equation: the behavior of serial perpetrators and why they chose their victims. Yet, institutional misogyny overlooked her achievements in favor of the male agents in the field.

To quote Taylor Swift, if Dr. Burgess "was a man, she'd be The Man" in the FBI.

It’s a situation familiar to women in almost every profession: being overlooked after doing the heavy lifting.

Ann Burgess on Netflix: Mindhunter

But in recent years, Burgess’ contributions have gained renewed attention, thanks to the Netflix series Mindhunter. The show, based on the early days of FBI criminal profiling, introduces a character named Wendy Carr, whose role is directly inspired by Burgess. Carr’s character embodies many of Burgess' contributions, particularly her focus on the psychological underpinnings of violent crime and the importance of understanding offenders' thought processes to catch them.

However, even in Mindhunter, Burgess’ name remains in the background, allowing Carr to act as a fictional stand-in. This artistic choice mirrors the real-life erasure of Burgess’ pivotal role in the FBI’s criminal profiling history.

Ann Burgess Finally Gets Her Due: The Hulu Series

For those looking for a deeper dive into Ann Burgess’ life and the monumental role she played, Hulu recently released a series that finally brings her work into the spotlight. Unlike Mindhunter, which takes some creative liberties, the Hulu series Mastermind: To Think Like a Killer is a more direct account of her groundbreaking research. Mastermind chronicles her partnership with the FBI, illustrating the challenges she faced in a male-dominated environment, how she balanced her demanding careers while raising four children, and how her findings revolutionized the way violent criminals are tracked and apprehended.

The series highlights the struggles and triumphs of Burgess, portraying her as the groundbreaking figure she is. Finally, viewers can see the true story behind the creation of the FBI's criminal profiling unit and how Burgess’ data-driven approach forever changed the landscape of criminal psychology.

Dr. Burgess' Lasting Legacy

Today, at 87, Ann Burgess continues to inspire future generations. Not only did she lay the foundation for modern criminal profiling, but she also continues to teach and mentor the next generation of profilers. Despite her groundbreaking work in criminology, Burgess remains committed to her roots in nursing education. She still maintains a full courseload at Boston College, where she mentors' students, balancing the realms of nursing, psychology, and criminal behavior analysis.

Her ability to juggle her pioneering work in criminal psychology, her leadership role in nursing studies, and the challenges of raising four children is nothing short of remarkable. It’s a powerful reminder that women like Burgess often carry the weight of multiple worlds on their shoulders, excelling in all of them, yet remaining unrecognized for decades.

Pioneer in Trauma Treatment

And last, but certainly not least, Dr. Burgess is also an internationally recognized pioneer in the assessment and treatment of victims of trauma and abuse. pioneered assessing and treating trauma in rape victims. She co-founded one of the first hospital-based crisis counseling programs at Boston City Hospital with Boston College sociologist, Lynda Lytle Holmstrom. Together, Dr. Burgess and Holmstrom conducted extensive research regarding 1960s rape victims in Boston. She interviewed victims and quantified their experiences. It was this knowledge that led to the insights behind her FBI profiling work and her latest book, A Killer by Design: Murderers, Mindhunters, and My Quest to Decipher the Criminal Mind, offering deep insights into her work with serial killers. She also testified on behalf of the Menendez brothers, believing that the trauma of the sexual abuse by their father led to their decision to murder their parents. She was also an expert witness in the trial of Bill Cosby, resulting in a conviction that few thought was possible.

Although the FBI has basically ignored her contributions, her accomplishments have been recognized by numerous others, including the Sigma Theta Tau International Audrey Hepburn Award, the American Nurses’ Association Hildegard Peplau Award, and the Sigma Theta Tau International Episteme Laureate Award. Her courtroom testimony has been described as “groundbreaking,” and she has been called a “nursing pathfinder” for her trailblazing contributions.

Her influence resonates across multiple domains, from criminal psychology to trauma-informed care. And while the FBI may not have publicly recognized her contributions, her impact cannot be understated. Her research and insights remain vital to the field of criminal profiling, and the renewed interest in her story—thanks to Mindhunter and now Hulu’s Mastermind—helps her legacy reach the audience that she deserves.